Welcome! This blog is Retired. However, you may still enjoy some of the finer pages of vintage online ramblings out there! Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log, people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like. Blog officially retired 02.14.2021
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So it has been some time since I updated much on this blog. I guess between working a slave job and being pregnant, I haven't put much thought behind updating the blog. But in any case, I have to update before the year closes.
I Will Start From Yesterday
Yesterday I was supposed to go and get stuff done like buy bird seeds and stuff, but instead I spent all morning turning red in the face trying to find a new ob/gyn who knows what the hell Tay-Sachs is. I was just about to give up when I called one place in Scottsdale. I asked about it and of course they never heard of it... as if I am expecting the secretary to know what I am talking about. Anyways I told her to ask if they do it because it is very important, I need it. So she goes and asks and they do it! Well, finally! I made an appointment there and I am hoping that they will not "forget" like this other stupid place I was going to, as you will read in the following paragraphs.
So because of the stupidity I was dealing with at this dumb place called Goodman & Partridge, I was considering not seeing anyone at all! There is a place right near the office I was going to that does Tay-Sachs testing, but they want ME to go over to Goodman's and have them fax over my records. I ask "what for, it doesn't matter what they wrote in their records because your doctors will diagnose what they want." They woman was arguing with me that is how they do it, so I said "Well, then I won't be coming in, bye." I mean seriously, I had two ultrasounds and a messed up pap smear. There is nothing they can diagnose from that which wont be seen in a subsequent ultrasound anyways. So what is all this hassle? Is every fucking doctor's office a pool of bullshit I have to swim through to get what I need? I mean this is crazy! It is one fucking test that is apparently covered by my insurance, and I just need a fucking code so I can get it preapproved just in case. This is not that hard is it? Instead the stupid Goodman's place says to me "Are you sure you need it? It is very expensive." OH OKAY BUT YOUR STUPID SERVICES ARE NOT? They charged me $50 for a pregnancy test that they probably got from the 99 cents store. To have the audacity to tell me it's expensive is mind boggling!
ALL morning I was calling labs to see who can do this testing. No one! They all need doctor referrals for some reason. So I started looking up New York places and found some here and here. The latter link is especially cool because they offer an at home saliva test (which is not very accurate for non-Jews), and an easy "referral" sheet to order the blood test through your doctor. I was very close to doing this method, but I thought to give one more place a try before I had to go to the hospital for prenatal care or some government clinic. I took a shower to calm down and ate something finally. Then I called the latest place and I finally got some positive results. Now I am not going to be 100% happy until I get that test done, but I have nothing to lose at this point. Thankfully, my insurance doesn't require a PCP referral so I can up and leave any stupid doctor I want to. Hopefully I will not have to do this all over again in a month because I will have given up and let the Lord take over.
Okay I Am Going To A Doctor!
The first trimester I did not see a doctor. I didn't think I had to. I mean really what are they going to do? There is nothing to see on a sonogram besides when they think the due date is. It just looks like a blob with gills or something. On top of that, I didn't want anyone poking around down there and disturbing the fetus. I was very paranoid about it aborting that I didn't even tell anyone at work. I thought that any stress would make it jump ship. Luckily, I had no morning sickness or anything so I didn't need to see anyone for medication and whatnot. I had only told a few close friends. Of course they were all like "When are you going to see a doctor??" and "What's the due date?" and other assorted questions. Well, when the time was near to find out the sex, I made an appointment at this ob/gyn Goodman and Partridge. It was okay at first... I called and asked if they do Tay-Sachs testing and they asked inside after I insisted and they said they did. Well, "good" I thought and made an appointment there. I showed up and they tell me all the things I know already: folic acid, prenatals, blah blah blah. Then they do a pap smear. Why I don't know. All I know is that I was bleeding for three days afterwards and I was very annoyed. I came back on the third day and they examined me and gave an ultrasound. Then I came back for another ultrasound and was going to leave when I said "where is my blood test?" Well, they went and got the blood person and I looked at the order and of course saw no Tay-Sachs. I asked about it and after a bunch of uneducated people kept coming to the room, I was asked "Do yu really need it, it is expensive." You know, it is none of their business whether or not I feel it is expensive. It pisses me off that this is their main concern. I reply with a "yes it's important, I've asked about it four times already." Well, they said I would basically have to call the insurance company and see if they will cover it and all that so I left in a huff. I said to myself I wasn't going back there because of this shit.
I did wind up calling everyone about the test and its covered by my insurance. Now I call billing since they also wanted me to pay $1600 up front for services they did not render. I said I was going to pay as I went and I am not paying for stuff I didn't receive in advance. Then I have to call and ask about the "billing codes" for this test and of course they tell me I have to call the lab and find those out. Fine. I call the lab and they tell me that THE DOCTOR has to supply the diagnostic codes... UGH! So I hung up and said screw this shit I will call someone else.
Worst Job Ever!
Originally, I went looking for a job because I wanted to get my mind off medical school stuff. Then as I went looking for jobs, I was considering new careers and new companies to work for. After I was unsuccessful at landing a driving job nearby, I decided to go and get my CNA again. If I got my CNA, I could finally try to get into the VA (Veteran's Administration) and work on moving up from there. So I went to CNA class and I liked it; this one was way better than the one I took in Brooklyn. Anyways, I thought that I would have a good shot at getting a CNA position at Scottsdale Healthcare (SHC) if I started low, and moved up to CNA, gained experience and could then get a job at the VA. Well, at least that is what the website says: "Employee advancement" this and that. HA!
I took the job in April, as we all know and I found out that I had to work SIX MONTHS before I could put in a "transfer." A transfer is the application for another job. Okay fine. I was working really hard there, maybe 8 days a week (I know right?) so I could get a good "review" and will get the next job easier. Right? Wrong! My crazy manager decides to give me a mediocre score, which I complained about, and I learned that these scores don'[t mean anything for the next job. The reviews are just a way for the managers to write bad things about you. The funny part is that all employees are supposed to sign off on their review. Well, I never had a sit down with my manager to go over the review, so I refused to sign it. This place makes a big deal about signing the reviews blah blah blah. Well, I wasn't going to sign anything that wasn't reflective of my work. She originally gave me a 3.2/4.0 (basically a B) and I scored myself a 3.6/4.0 (basically the lowest A). She only bumped it up to 3.4/4.0 so I still wasn't going to sign it. Everyone was like "Oh my! won't you get into trouble?" or "You won't get your raise!" Big deal! I was so mad at that point, they can keep their two cent raise (I only went up 22 cents I think). Turns out I still got my raise, I still got my "employee bonus" at the end of the year, and I did not get into trouble. After applying to a CNA job (more on that in next paragraph), I learned that the reviews have NOTHING to do with how you are paid for the next job UNLESS it factors into the lowest pay. For instance: the CNA job starts out (and you will laugh) at $10.54 or so an hour (HAHAHA I KNOW! WHAT A PATHETIC PAY!) so whether I got my raise or not, I would start out at the minimum. If I made more than the minimum, say $10.75 and hour, I would get a 5% raise. The stupid HR woman told me that you get your review raise (say 3%) ON TOP OF the next jobs raise. So according to her, I should be offered $10.54 PLUS 3% (or whatever your raise was). But that is not the case. And I noticed that HR always gives me multiple answers for the same question depending on who I talk to. The reality is that if I am in a category that is higher than the one I am applying to (lets say that the dishwasher position is higher than the CNA) I would take a 5% PAYCUT.Of course, they don't tell you any of this until you are already working for the company. Other stupid things I found out about SHC: as an employee, you can only apply for ONE TRANSFER at a time. Why is this stupid? Because an outsider can get THREE applications at a time. Now I know they say that employees are favored, but how do I know? That's right, I will never know!
So I got an interview for the CNA. I even cut my vacation short to make it (bad decision). I go there and they guy is nowhere to be found. I have to call all over the place to find him. Finally I do (red flag #1) and the first thing he mentions is how fancy I am dressed and how crappy he looks in his scrubs (red flag #2). Okay. We go to the interview place and he starts the interview. From my understanding it is supposed to be a STAR type interview (Situation, Task, Action, Response) and I am very familiar and comfortable with those. So he starts asking me questions, and really, they are stupid. They are all negative questions like "tell me about a conflict" (okay that is common) but he also includes what I think my manager thinks of me (?) and how I reduce stress (??) (red flag #3). Then when he asks the STAR questions, he dozes off! (red flag #4) He also answers his phone during the interview (red flag #5) and doesn't write much down (red flag #6). At this point, I want the job, but I know that this guy is an idiot (yeah you M. Huffer) and I just totally wasted my time coming to this BS interview. What this was was a FAKE interview. He has someone in mind, but for whatever reason, he "HAS" to interview other people to make it seem legit. If not then this guy is a total moron. My true feeling is that he may have wanted to hire someone off the street, but will interview an employee to make it seem like that outsider really deserved it. This reminds me of the interview I had at Fedex for the trainer position. Yeah, I was beat out by a few points. Yeah from a guy who already works at that place, and that manager already knows! Ugh!
Well, of course I didn't get the job and this whole stupid process takes a MONTH! So here is the deal: SHC claims they want to advance employees and that they do everything they can to move people up, YET, you MUST work six MONTHS at your current position, you can only apply for ONE application at a time, and it takes a WHOLE MONTH to get an answer. How's that for advancement? A joke is what! Anyways, the day after I was rejected, I applied for another CNA position, and guess what? It took a WHOLE MONTH just to tell me they were going with other people! Hello! Now mind you, as the third week approached, I applied for another position, which is the one I just interviewed for, and that went very well. I was hoping they would make true to their threats and delete both applications, but that never happened. I got the interview for an Occupational Therapist Assistant, and if I get it, I may take it. I say may because I still want to give my stupid managers a chance to stay to their word of giving me three days a week (see next topic). However, given their track record, I can't trust them. This job I interviewed for is three days a week, period. I would work weekends and Wednesday. The only downside is that I would have to drop my insurance because it is super part-time. Right now I work just enough hours to get full-time status on health coverage, which is more than half the price of the part-time fees. Given that I can use both insurances to pay for the delivery, this awful job may have one advantage after all. Of course, once I come back from leave, I would have to argue for the weekends and nights so I could go to school.
So we all know that this job is awful. I hate it. I am alone all day; I do boring work. The more pregnant I am becoming, the harder it is to cope with the apparent awfulness of this job. The senior manager (which in this place is called the manager and those under are supervisors) said that he is over hours on his budget so if people want to have less hours "we can work with you." Well, you know what I did! And you know what happened! Nothing! I asked for three days instead of four and was told some long-winded answer that means no. Okay so I thought it over for a week or so and said "screw this" and gave my letter of resignation to my supervisor. She said "noooo" and said "whyyyy" so I told her i wanted three days and Manager man wouldn't give it. I said this job is getting harder and I need an extra day to do the things I need to do to prepare (see the above phone tag nightmare). She said she would give it. Hmm. Well, I'd love to believe her but she has never been true to her word since. Perhaps the threat of quitting has helped her know that I WILL walk if I don't get what I need. Maybe. I am not banking on it, but I like to "see what happens" and sometimes that turns out bad for me. The only benefits (if there are more than one) to this job are: I get the full-time discount on insurance, I am right near food all day, I take breaks when I want to. The other job is obviously better, and it pays more, but I will have to shell out more money for insurance or drop it. I kinda want SHC to pay for my suffering, so I kind of wanted to keep the insurance. Of course, I don't know if I will even get the job so all this speculating does me no good. However, if she does comply with my request of three days, no weekends (so I have TJ to help me with stuff), I will have to change the schedule when I come back from leave. I would then need no days, and weekend and nights only. I would hope to keep the 3 days but I can go for the 4 days if she complies with me. Changing it to weekends and nights would allow me and TJ to switch off to take care of the baby, or I would only have to use day care for one or two days a week. Unless they would be okay with me coming in after he gets home and just staying the shift to finish. But we shall see. TJ would rather I quit because of all the stress this place puts on me (it's only DISHWASHING for Christ's sake!) but I can do it if I only go three days. I am very reluctant to quit because I stayed at home so long already that I don't want to sit around all day and I do like making money. It's nice to buy things that I need (or don't need, haha) and still have extra.
I have also been applying to other jobs, but no luck. I have stopped applying because I am too pregnant to cover it up at interviews. If I quit, I won't be able to apply for a job until.... who knows? The other benefit to staying at SHC is that I can go to school. I have been writing about taking nursing again, so it would be to my advantage to stay because if I don't get into UA (again, haha!) I can take the ADN classes at some crappy school. So these are the conflicts I think about everyday at work.
Oh yeah and he took away the music. What a jerk!
Back To The Drawing Board!
Or in my case, the whiteboard
So I have been writing here and there about what i would like to do next. I was looking at the MEPN program at UA for nursing, and was all ready to apply this January, but I am finding I am having trouble getting a letter of good standing from Kingsborough. When I was in NY I went there to get one and I am not going to rehash everything here, but they are stupid. I think I knew that already and it speaks volumes to why I left that dumb program. Anyways, if I can't get a satisfactory letter from Kingsborough, I m not sure if I can pursue this route after all. I may have to go back to logistics or, as this last interview made me see, I can try "occupational therapy." There are only a few schools here that have it but I have all the prerequisites for the program, I would just have to (reluctantly) take the GRE. Since that is a major factor that holds me back, I will consider that as an option further down the road. I am not thinking about school much right now because I am trying to balance work and being pregnant. I had done all this work to obtain a class for this coming semester but since they didn't tell me the payment was due in like, two days, I was dropped for non-payment. Oh well. I didn't know if I wanted that class anyways since there are many programs that do RN to MSN, which is something I may have to do, well, if KCC sends a letter people want to see.
So that is the gist of the last couple of months. 1)My job sucks 2)Its been a nightmare trying to find a competent doctor who can test me for Tay-Sachs 3)I can't get a new job even at my own company 4)I don't know if I can even pursue nursing because KCC is stupid 5)I may have to go back to logistics before my GMAT expires 6)There might be another healthcare option for me, but only if the VA hires occupational therapists.... and they do.
If I have time, I will post some pictures pertaining to this post. Until then, Have a Happy New Year!
No Job
And more on that when I have time this weekend!
:: Jane Dee 7:40:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 10.24.2013 ::
Await Response
So far, no response for the position. The same positions are still up though. I don't know what that means, but I just hope they look at my application. Just like other companies, they claim they like to promote their own, but I don't think that is something they will stick to completely. Well, if I don't transfer into something by January, I think I will just take the leave of absence anyway. Who wants to be a dishwasher? Not me!
Today's activities include getting the windshield on the car fixed finally! I am so lazy when it comes to stuff like that but since I am going to drive yet again to NY in it, I would rather not have the windshield collapse on my face while I am driving. Although I will say that it has major cracks going all the way up and down and across, and it has been safe this whole time. Granted, snow has not accumulated onto it, but I did drive it in the pouring rain, and it held up. It's been cracked for over two years now, just as the Jeep. We've been pulled over and warned in both vehicles but I'm like "Meh, whatever." The crack in my Jeep is a souvenir from Alaska, driving along the Dalton. I kind of don't want to fix it just yet. But the car yes, because when I close the doors hard enough I can see the glass moving along the cracks, ha ha! So that may be an indicator that i should replace it. It's an Acura TL and I am getting it replaced at Safelite and they gave me an online quote of about $250. Not bad since they claim to use OEM parts. I will ask them if it is OEM, because I would rather have OEM for the Acura than some knock off. We shall see.
And today I should make bread. And buy some Tofurky.
I HAVE OFFICIALLY APPLIED TO WHAT WILL HOPEFULLY BE MY NEW JOB!
I woke up at 0300 as usual and immediately went to see what the employee website had to say about my time in. Thankfully, it said 6 months 0 days. Well, you know I couldn't apply for that CNA position fast enough. Anyway, I decided to apply for the day job. I was thinking to myself that I wasn't ready to just hop into nights. I was thinking that the only reason I would need to go nights is if I had to do the LPN program. And since I wouldn't start that until August, I would have plenty of time to transfer to a night shift before then. As it stands, I would have to take a leave of absence from this fabulous job to do the master program. So why suffer now? I think it would be easier to get a night gig than a day gig anyways. If I don't get in and I need a night shift, I will have some seniority to get it I would assume. I think it would be better to try for days and if I don't get anything then try for nights.
Whew! Now that this transfer is finally out of the way, I can go back to focusing on my application. I still have to write two essays for the program, upload my resume, and pay the fee. The fee and resume I will do last. I will wait to see if I get a CNA job first then upload. I have ideas for what I plan to write for the essays but I won't start on that today. What I want to do today is organize all the things I need to do on a checklist so I don't forget or have to keep looking back over and over. I think I have done everything for the master program except what I mentioned. If I don't get in, I want to make a list of what I need to do for my back up plans. That should be good for today.
In other news, I learned that French-Canadians have a high rate of being carriers for Tay-Sachs. I was surprised when I read this because I thought it was only associated with Jews. However, because they have done so well with testing and matching couples to reduce this disorder, new ethnic groups are popping up as having Tay-Sachs previously thought not to have it. This includes French-Canadians, Cajuns, and Irish. Well, I am half French-Canadian! And TJ is a smidge, so I decided to have us both tested for Tay-Sachs. Since it is recessive, both of us would have to be carriers to produce offspring with the disease. So if we are both positive, I will have to have an amniocentesis to see if the fetus has Tay-Sachs! Hopefully none or only one of us will have it and then we will be okay. We will do that when I go to NY to see my Russian doctor. I want him to run all the blood tests I need before I go and make pre-natal appointments. That way I have all the information I need to make decisions. If he can, I would want him to do my immunity assays, Rh factors, Tay-Sachs, and regular blood work to see about anemia and all that. I want him to run the same tests on TJ too, so we know what we have. This should help me feel better about going to the pre-natal appointments.
I am not sure what else I have to do today besides try to clean up the messes. I need to throw away a lot of stuff but it's hard. It's hard to be excited about cleaning and it's hard to throw stuff out when I think I may still need them. I dunno! I know I have way too much stuff, but I have so many nice things I don't want to part with. Well, I know that I have to buy some plain oatmeal for TJ today. I guess that is something I can do. Of course, it doesn't help with the cleaning! UGH!
I assume that tomorrow marks my sixth month. The computer says 5 months and 29 days... but will they make it 5 months and 30 days before 6 months 0 days?? I hope not! Good grief I can't wait any longer!
Well today and tomorrow I have no work thankfully. I will do my resume today and have it ready for tomorrow. I planned on waking up and leaving with TJ unless the job is still posted on the regular internet. Which it is right now. However, they keep putting them internal, external, then internal then external again! What are they doing?? I don't know. With SHC, you can't tell.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about medical school and that whole thing, especially the Caribbean. Wow. It's hard to believe that I did all that, and started that whole thing in like, 2009 or so. Seems like a waste of time, but I don't know. If I didn't try then I'd always be left wondering. I really liked Trinity, and I think I would have done well there if I had TJ with me. Oh well. Live and learn. I think doing the NP is just as good, at least in this state, and I think that it is a good alternative. At least I get to stay here. Hopefully I will get in and go to the classes in Phoenix.
So not much today other than resume. I already wrote up my cover letter last week. I just have to spiffy up my resume which should take less than 1 hour. Then I will break out my CNA books and look at what may be asked during an interview. Maybe they want to know if you know some clinical stuff? Maybe. When I get a CNA job, I will upload my resume to the UA website. That way it looks better than just saying I am a dishwasher. I have plenty of time to complete my application with them so I want to wait and see if I can get this job.
Oh yeah and I have to replace the windshield on the car. I should set that up today before I forget.
Well, the page for the master program changed. And so did the address where they wanted transcripts sent. So I called them and they said I only need to submit transcripts after I am accepted. For now, I will scan and upload my unofficial copies. Well okay. I also see on the application page for UA that they want a resume. So I was thinking that I would wait until I got a CNA job (hopefully) before I upload my resume. I am still going to update mine now, but just an update.
I have five days left before I can apply for anything. And of course a perfect full time position pops up now. And of course the policy is that YOU WILL BE FIRED if you "misrepresent" your facts. I mean really? They would fire someone just for applying five days earlier? Well, I emailed the HR woman to see if that is true. In the meantime, I was working on a new cover letter and I am now going to update my resume. I was thinking to go to the hospital and see if I can find the manager and just let them see my resume. And if, perhaps, they like me or they don't get enough qualified applicants, they can keep it open for me. I doubt it since these jobs disappear after two days. This is day 2 for that job. it should disappear soon. If I am lucky, it will stay up until Tuesday. I doubt it though. Of course, I haven't been to work, so there are also jobs on the intranet that can't be seen by the general public. I am off Tuesday, but rest assured I will make my way to the hospital to apply to something.
The main thing that sucks about this company is that you have to wait SIX MONTHS before you can transfer. That is a really long time. And they make no exception for going from part time to full time. Or moving up in category. Some things about this place annoy me and that is definitely one of them.
After I update my resume, I will submit requests for transcripts from LIU, City College, and St. John's. St. John's I have to mail in, so it's not something I can do online. I am going to save Kingsborough for when I go there. That way I can avoid having to buy a stupid money order. Plus they take forever for some reason. Maybe if I go there, it will be the same amount of time, like three weeks than if I would have requested it today. Anyway, that is my plan. Once I do that, I will see about working on the essays. I probably wont do much with that today but maybe just jot down some ideas for them. They only have to be 400 words so they are pretty short.
Actually I am getting hungry. I will eat first then do transcripts then do resume. I just remembered that the transcripts get done faster if I request them during business hours. That shouldn't take long anyway.
I am so excited that I can finally apply for new jobs at the hospital. My six months is almost up and I am so anxious to get the hell out of dish washing!!!!
I have been eyeballing some CNA jobs, but they come and go so fast that I am scared none will be available when I am able to apply. I would really want a full time position, preferably at night. The night position will set me up the best for having the baby and school and whatever. I am not anticipating making a ton more than I do now, but being full time is the best situation in terms of benefits and whatnot. Speaking of benefits, I was calculating the costs all morning. I think that it may be to my benefit to get my own coverage through the hospital. I think for most things, TJ's insurance is better, but to have a baby, mine would be better. The only problem is that I would have to have the baby at Shea... Not something I wanted to do, as I wanted to try to go to NY. However, if I get into this master program, I wouldn't have much choice but to have it here in Arizona. So I am hoping that I get in because I think I am going to get my own coverage. I am going to talk more with TJ about it, as I have yet to calculate how much it would be total to each have insurance. If it comes out to more money than maybe it is best to just stay with his coverage. We shall see. Tomorrow I am going to get my "I don't smoke tobacco test" tomorrow so if I do get my coverage, I can get $50 off. Not bad.
Other than that, I haven't been feeling ill or anything. I am at week nine now and I am not showing much yet. I just look like I have a fat stomach. But I guess in a few weeks I won't be able to hide this anymore. People will know... And then what? I don't know. Maybe I can get my minimum hours like I am this and next week. Having three days off is really nice. Especially since I am not super fond of my job. I am just hoping something comes up!! And soon!!
No, I still haven't gone to the doctor yet. What? I'll go soon enough.
I had already started my application to the master program. I have to write two very short essays and submit my transcripts. I already submitted the ones from Scottsdale and South Mountain. But since I am going to NY soon, I will request transcripts in person at Kingsborough since I also need a letter of good standing from the nursing department. Then I can go to City College and finally get an official copy of my transcript. I never got one! I got an official one from Scottsdale and South Mountain, but it looks like a printout. It's not printed on fancy paper or anything. Oh well. I am not sure I can go to to the office at LIU, so I may just do that online like I did last time. It is a pain in the ass because you have to do some verification process, but we shall see. My plan of action for this is to apply and if I don't get in, apply again that same year since this will be the only year they will have it twice because they are moving the deadline to October instead of January. The only thing I am undecided about is whether to apply for the associate degree nurse or do the LPN. If I get an LPN, I can still try for the master program. If I get the associate, I will have a long road to the NP. I am not sure about that part, but I do know that I am going to try to work at the same time. But you know how things are so we shall see!
Today has been pretty lazy. Now that I have some more questions answered about what I am going to do next, I will get some cleaning done. I bought a cat tree from Goodwill and I want to clean it off so the brats can use it. I will do that in the garage since that thing is full of hair. I think I will wear a mask too. But first, I will wash the dishes! Hooray! Not really.
I am in my eighth week and I really have nothing to say! I felt meh here and there, and I learned that my iron pills make me feel sick. Instead, I will maybe take those pills when I feel weak and try to eat more meat. I cooked up some beef last night and I am roasting some right now. I had also bought bags of prepared turkey burgers and beef burgers. I may eat those for breakfast. Yesterday I had a Jimmy Dean Delights with the croissant and turkey, one of my favorites, but when I got to work I was soooooo hungry I had to eat another breakfast of two sausages a biscuit and potatoes. Oh well. I have to eat when I am hungry. I was pretty satisfied that I only had a cheese quesadilla for lunch. And a brownie. Which gave me a headache. The hospital doesn't stock very many sweets. I just may have to buy a biscotti instead. Less cheap flour and sugar. Or only get the big cookies. They give me a head rush but at least no headache.
That roast is smelling good! Anyways, today I have the day off from my fabulous job, so I am going to work on my resume so I can apply for the CNA as soon as I see one on October 22. The problem is that there are day jobs and night jobs, part time and full time. Which do I choose? I was talking to TJ about it and at first we were like "yeah take a nite position" that way if I had to work while going to school I could. Then I was like well, if I don't get in, then we will have a conflict of schedules when we have this child. Hmm. Well, the good news is that if I get a position right away, I can finish my six months and then take a leave of absence from work if I get in. If I don't get in, I can finish the six months and then try to apply for a day job. Many options to consider. However, if I get in, it is more likely I will take a leave of absence and it won't really matter what shift I have. So I was thinking I would take the least desirable position so I'd most likely get it, then go from there. Once I am a CNA, I think it would be easier to apply for better positions. The one that I really wanted was the "float" position, which I guess goes to all different areas of the hospital. That would be great for seeing stuff. Well, hopefully, a position will still be available and I will be able to get it. Just keeping my fingers crossed! I have to get out of this dishwashing job!!!
As far as school is concerned, the application opens on Thursday. Maybe today I can call and ask the school how they want me to send the letter of good standing from Kingsborough. I guess when you change nursing programs, you have to have the previous school send letters of good standing to the new school so they know you didn't fail out or something. Well, I'll see if they want that in email form or letter form. I am hoping to visit NY in November, unless I get a CNA job quick and can't keep my days off. If I go, I can get the paper form myself from the office directly. If not, I had asked about it over the phone a while ago and they would do it over the phone, but I wasn't ready to send it yet. So we shall see.
Okay, time to check the roast and eat something! I'm feeling funny...
Yesterday I made my very first "baby purchase." I bought a bib and a potty. I got them both at the 99c store, ha ha! Anyways, I haven't gone out and made a bunch of baby purchases yet. I don't want to count my fetuses before they are hatched. I am still in the danger zone for miscarriage and I don't want to have a bunch of baby anticipation stuff in case that happens.
Lately I've been feeling kind of lonely. I don't know why. Or maybe its more of a "I want people around" kind of feeling. However, everyone I know is in NY. I know TJ thinks I am going to hang out with his family, but uhh, I think I will have to pass on that one. I think I've given up on the brother-in-law's wife. She was rude to me last year and I am tired of having to initiate conversation or whatever with her. I haven't gone back there since then and I don't plan on returning. I was talking to TJ's mom and she said that since she (the bro-in-law wife) will have another kid around the same time as me, we can have play dates. I was like "uh, yeah maybe." meaning "NOT!" Yeah right, knowing her she will want me to always come to her house because my house is not good enough. Besides she is one of those Kardashian watching women; I don't think we have much in common. For example, she doesn't want her kid to drink milk, (I think she wants her kid to be vegan, although she drinks milk and eats cheese) but she was feeding her kid pancakes from Ihop. Hello, pancakes are made with milk. Whatever. This is what happens when you go to regular school in Arizona: nothing.
Speaking of education, I am wondering what to do about my kids. Do I send them to public school and hope for the best? Or try to send them to private school. And I don't mean charter school. Those schools will hire anyone. I think they may be worse than public school. I guess I will have to see how intelligent they are. If they are average or less, public school for sure. If they are smarter, I may have to think harder about it. I am hoping they will be like me and know how to read, write, do basic math, and write some cursive before kindergarten. I think almost all kids have at least that ability. I hope I do not fail at that!
In case anyone is wondering (ha ha) I have not gone to the doctor yet. I have not scheduled an appointment yet either. I dunno! What's the point? You can't see anything yet anyways. I won't die just because I am not going to the doctor. I am still pregnant because I just took another pregnancy test and it was very positive. My pee strips have all been normal and I have been eating good and taking some iron (which by the way tastes like blood) and calcium supplements. I haven't had any morning sickness except once. I am pretty much not having many symptoms except tired and bored. And that may or may not be from the pregnancy. It could be from my job.
Speaking of job, I can't wait to change it! I am dying to apply to a CNA position when my 6 months are up. And that will be in a few weeks. I just got my annual review and I got a bad score, according to my standards: 3.33/4.00. Are they crazy? They think I am just going to sign off on that just because they say so. Nope! I have been protesting by not signing off on it. And I will refuse to do so until they change that score to no less than a 3.8. If after all the work I have done only warrants an 83% then 83% is all they are going to get from me. I will have to warn Double D about this, and I feel bad, but I have to do what is just. I can't let them get away with taking advantage of people. I hope me not signing the review gets them into trouble somehow. HA HA!
This week I had FOUR DAYS OFF (and of course they keep calling me to come in, pffft yeah right) and I was hoping to get some cleaning done, but, well, that didn't really go as planned. I did manage to clean two corners of the kitchen! Today I hope to organize my room just a bit. It is a disaster! We shall see. First I will wash the dishes, then try to clean up the room. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Well that is enough chatter for now. I am going downstairs.
Today I had a day off and I think I was supposed to clean something. Hm, right. I was also supposed to buy something but I cant remember what that was?
I still haven't made any doctor appointments. I am kind of lazy right now. As I said, I just have enough energy to make it to work and back. I am trying to do better, but it is hard to do everything by yourself. I just don't feel energized to do anything. Probably because those kinds of things are really boring. Who the hell wants to clean anything? I don't. I was never a cleaning freak so I don't think I can start now.
I haven't been recording my "lab" values but I have been doing the tests. I just received my urinalysis strips yesterday from Amazon. Well, I did the first test and was like "WHAT?" Apparently, the first line of the colored boxes is the strip as it is, unactivated, the next line is the results if they are "trace" and the rest are more positive. This website was very helpful in helping me figure that out because the bottle doesn't say that! So far everything is normal.
Of course, the hospital posts jobs that I want, but I can't apply apparently because I need to be in my position for six months. Well, tomorrow I will ask HR if I can apply anyways because by the time they get around to it, I will be six months in. I should also ask HR for the number of the hiring manager of the position. Maybe I can ask them about it. Anyways, I am worried that when six months comes around, there won't be any positions and I will have to be in my current position that much longer ughh!!!
So far, I haven't felt much nausea other than what I normally feel. I called my mother today to see if she had any problems when she was pregnant and she said kinda with #1 and not really afterwards. So I dunno. I guess we shall see if I progress to morning sickness. The only thing I feel mostly is just tired. Or bored, like nothing is stimulating. I don't know what that means either!
I haven't stopped drinking my coffee. My mother drank coffee with me so I think I turned out okay, ha ha!
Well, maybe I will try to put away my clothes now.
So my last post shows a picture of something. In case you don't know what that is, it is a pregnancy test. It is a positive test for HCG or human chorionic gonadotropin, which is manufactured during pregnancy by the fertilized egg. Emphasis on fertilized. Hello! I'm pregnant!
There is quite a long story behind this, and is partially why I have been so quiet these past couple of years. I will go into length maybe tomorrow about it, but to make a long story short, I thought I was infertile, or at least, thought I would have much trouble conceiving because that is just the way I felt. Of course, I never really was all gung-ho about reproduction until recently. But I will say that once you want to start reproducing and you can't, you start to feel very inadequate.
Anyways, this is week 6. My LMP was August 14. So that would make the baby born around May 21st ish. I haven't scheduled any doctor visits. I don't even have a doctor here in Arizona, so I dunno. Everything takes so much time and I work quite a bit. Not sure how I will find time to just pick a doctor out of my ass and expect him or her to be any good. I means seriously, would I even see a doctor or just some PA? I am really tired of that so I am not sure I want to spend money on going to a doctor to tell me what I already know. I think I would save it for ultrasound and tests. Other than that, what else is there? I certainly don't need a meet and greet, chit chat with a doctor for $500. I'd rather buy another purse with that money.
Anyhoo, that will eventually be my job in the coming weeks. What I plan to do is monitor my stats myself. I will get a notebook (very hi-tech) and record my blood pressure, heart rate, weight, and urine analysis. I will buy some pee sticks from amazon to monitor my protein and glucose levels to see if I have any sign of gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. I do have a fetal stethoscope but I am sure I will not hear anything until much later.
I have also been watching my diet very closely. I've learned a few things: 1) Folic acid does not equal folate. 2) Vitamin C increases iron absorption by 4 times. 3) Calcium and caffeine block iron absorption. 4) There are two types of iron; Heme and non-heme iron. 5) Spinach is basically nature's prenatal vitamin.
I will share more about this in a few days, but that link about the vitamin c is really interesting.
Today I was going to finish up ordering the "supplies" I will need in the coming months. I just seem to be taking forever for everything. At least I have three days off this week. I only have about a month left before I can apply for a transfer! I am so excited, I want to get out of that dish job as soon as possible! My hands and wrists hurt!
There are so many things to do that I am not able to do or have been backed up for so long. I have to clean out so much stuff and this and that, I need help! But it's just me here. What do I do? I have made a kinda friend at work whom I named Double D. I wonder if he will help me? Not sure because we do not have the same days off. Well, maybe if I am lucky and get a new job I will, the I can ask for help. I'll see.
And so this completes (finally) this update. UGH! I feel so lazy. I only have enough energy to go to work and come home. But I am going to try to get stuff organized. If I get the new job, I want it to be full time!
Today I finally get to rest. I had completed a record-breaking eight days of slave labor. I have never even worked seven days straight in my life. And when I did work six days, it was part time!
Anyways, I only have two days of "rest" or maybe I should call it recuperation. I like to say that my job is a notch above slave labor. Perhaps I am more like an indentured servant, since my manager knows I will not be a dishwasher forever and just wanted an entry level job to "get in" the corporation. Therefore, I am indentured for six months at minimum, working to the brink of death so she has a return on her investment. The night dishwasher who has been there for five years does not get treated the way I am. That is because he will stay another five years, so she does not worry. But with me, she will squeeze every drop of blood and soul from me. I am the Dishslave.
I think I will be able to transfer to another position by the end of October. I am looking for that coveted hospital CNA position. It will mean me going to Shea, but that is okay, it is closer to drive there than TPK.
In the meantime, I have been contemplating my educational future. I went to Tucson for an "info session" at UA for that MEPN program. Not much to learn other than I over dress and that it is not an "MSN" but a "masters in science with a concentration in nursing." Okay whatever. In any case, I have submitted my credits for evaluation and I hope that they accept my stuff. If not, well, then I dunno. I was thinking about what I would do if I was not accepted. I thought that I could go to LPN school and then save up to go to flight school. Maybe. We shall see. I am going to assume that my credits will be sufficient. I just have to get a letter from KCC saying I left the nursing program on my own and was not expelled and I have to get a fingerprint card. Hmm, I should do that now actually. In any case, I will assume the credits will transfer and I will be good to go.
Today has been pretty lazy. I need to get the jeep fixed but I am too tired to drive to Phoenix and wait around all day in the middle of some crappy area while it's getting fixed. I just may have to wait until next week when I have more strength. Or patience. Either one.
Today I have to go shopping but as you can see, I am not accomplishing that. Maybe in a bit. I have a lot to do. Sigh.
Right now I am gearing up for my record breaking 8th day of slave labor, oh I mean job. Yup! My manager scheduled me for EIGHT DAYS STRAIGHT and did it in a way where I can't really get overtime. Nice.
Anyway, I will discuss that more when I get home and can rest finally. I don't think I am going to agree to this schedule next time she tries to do this to me.
UGHH!! My hands hurt. Wrists are overrated. Who needs wrists????
Anyway, I had finished my horrible summer of chemistry. Result? All A's! Hurraaaayyyy!!
So what I did was see what I needed to take for the masters program and I only needed to take a nutrition class. However, grades are about 60% of how you are ranked, so I decided to RETAKE CHEMISTRY. Very reluctantly, I might add. I knew I would be okay with my previous ochem teacher, but I was taking a chance by retaking chem I with someone I was not familiar with. Especially since I loathe chemistry. I went to South Mountain and registered, and thought I was taking chem I with a certain professor, but I turned out that the school did a bait and switch on me. I had a B in chem I already, but I was fearful that I would get another B because I just hate it so much. Well, I stuck it out with that professor, whom I lovingly call Mrs. Bebag, and managed to get an A. She demanded a LOT and did not give much in return. I asked questions and she never got back to me. This was the case for most people in the class. I asked her to move dates and she said she would but never did. I asked her to open the final earlier, for reasons I will discuss soon, but she never did. Whatevs! Luckily I am super paranoid, so I never believed her when she said she was going to, I just worked my ass off to get stuff in on time.
I didn't sleep much, maybe three hours a night if I was lucky. Oh yeah top this off with working full time and I was a walking zombie. I drank a lot of coffee, ate too much sugar, and had to buy drinks with glucose in it so I can keep my brain awake. I did homework during my lunch hour at work and I barely had time to eat because when I got home I went straight to work. That woman gave quizzes every week, we had two labs a week, and of course she wanted the super long annoying labs, and she gave long homeworks that took me hours to complete because she wanted them TYPED UP. HELLO! It takes forever to type up equations and formulas on the computer. And for some of the homeworks I had to draw in the answer, scan it, resize it in Paint, then paste it to a document to send to her. What if I didn't have a scanner then what would I do? How stupid! Well, at least she didn't give me points off for submitting the homework from a previous edition. I wasn't about to drop $260 on a book I was going to use for a month! I have my old chemistry book, that is good enough!
Because of all the work she gave, I had to ask my other chem teacher to give me an extension on my midterm. Thankfully, she is a nice teacher and she granted me that extension. Whew! Otherwise.... I don't know. I really don't think I would have been able to stay up all night and do that midterm. I was impossible. Anyways, I did well on that midterm, thankfully.
During all this, as I mentioned, I was, and still am, working full time. Luckily, my job is pretty mind numbing so it's kind of like I get to turn off my brain when I get there. However, it's hand and finger breaking and right now, both of my wrists and my left thumb hurt from this repetitive labor. I am hoping I can last there, as I can transfer in a few months. I am not sure if I would transfer though because this job gives me lots of hours. So we shall see how my hands do. Hopefully they will not be destroyed at the end of this.
So as the "semester" went on, I realized that I had to go to Lou's WEDDING! Ha! Yes, she got married! I was the Maid of Honor, or as I like to call it, the "Old Bag of Honor" and I realized that my plane takes off the DAY OF MY chem I final! ARGH! So that is why I asked Mrs. Bebag if she would open up the final (these are online classes so the homework and modules open up when the teacher unlocks them) a little bit earlier, so I can take it the night before and not have to wake up at 0200 and take a final. She said she would, but given her track record, I didn't believe her so I prepared to wake up at 0200. Of course, I woke up at 0300, studied a bit and took the final at about 0430. I needed to get at least an 84 to secure my A without doing the extra credit, and I wound up getting a 90! That was good because I was going to strangle that woman. However, I was STILL paranoid, so I did the extra credit anyway. I had to watch a movie and critique the "science" of the movie. My fallback movie is Lorenzo's Oil, and I took the movie with me to New York and completed the assignment in my old room. I also completed the rest of my chem II stuff there, and a couple of chapters for nutrition. The NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING, I was taking a QUIZ for nutrition because if I waited until SUNDAY (the day of the wedding) I knew I would just be too burnt out to take it and do well. I needed to score in the 90s to secure my A. That last quiz I got 100%. Even so I wasn't able to sleep. So by the night before the wedding, I had completed my finals for chem, an extra credit, a discussion, and a powerpoint for chem II and two quizzes for nutrition. I breathed a sigh of relief when I finished the chem I final because I was almost done with that stupid class! The only thing waiting for me when I got back was my nutrition final.
I kinda don't want to discuss Lou's wedding here since this post is more about the summer classes. I will post that later. I think I have some vids to upload anyways. However, I thought it was very nice. It was cool being a bridesmaid. That will probably be the only time I will ever be one. Savor the moment!
So when I got back, I was supposed to work the next day. I went in to work and a coworker was like "aren't you supposed to come in tomorrow?" and I was like "uhm well if that is true, I am outta here!" and so, I checked the schedule and I was NOT scheduled, so I flew out of there so fast... Well, I had asked THREE TIMES if I was to come back that day and "yes", they all said. Oh really? UGHHH! Well, I made the most of it because I went home, studied, and then took my nutrition final! I got a 96, later a 98! Woo hoo!! I was officially DONE!!!
So I checked a few days later and BOOM! FIVE A's! YESSSSS! And now I can finally get back to my sleep schedule and eating normal food.
In other news, I finally got my NEW Arizona CNA number. Hopefully I can get a job with that later. And! AND!! I finally got my ring back! I had my "engagement ring" (which was then not my engagement ring, but I wanted the tanzanite that I set in my old ring to be my engagement ring) redone at this place I spotted in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It took over a month to make, but it's very beautiful. Maybe I will post that up later!
So now I await the application periods. I was thinking "hey maybe I should reapply to medical school now that I got A's in chemistry" NOT! I think my MCAT is expired now. Well, there is always Caribbean school! HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously, though, it did cross my mind, but I know that it is not a realistic option at this time. Right now I am focusing on grad school and seeing what happens in the next few months.
But of course, my room is a disaster, and now I have some time to finish putting away all my chit!
I am soooooooo freakin' busy that I don't even have time to update.
Or sleep.
So this month has gone by and I can't begin to write about the torture I am going through. All I know is that there is about two weeks left and then I can go back to normal again.
But right now I have to wash my hair cuz I start work at 0600 and I can get at least 5 hours tonight. Yeah, this sucks, but hopefully this will be worth it.....
Okay, so I have been at the hospital for about a month now and I am getting used to the work. I can't say my nails are, because they are getting more ruined everyday from being wet all the time. However, it is nice to be around people all day instead of being inside my house wondering what is wrong with me.
My wrists sometimes hurts from the job, but my right wrist is getting used to it. My left wrist is not however and I had to buy a brace for it in case it hurts again. It seems I extend my wrist too mush and it hurts the bones or ligaments and it causes pain. I don't have super strong wrists and they are pretty small. It is nice when I get to work with someone, especially the temp guy because he always wants to do the scrub sink. That is what makes my wrists hurt. So if he wants to be there, thank goodness!
Yesterday I checked my school website thingy, and my chem II class stuff is already up! I am very nervous about taking a WHOLE YEAR of chemistry in two months, but I really want to try to get As in those classes so I have a better shot at applying to that master program. So this summer I am taking a year of chem and a nutrition class. This summer is going to be insane because I will get no sleep. Then I will also have to go to Lou's wedding and the classes will still be going on. They will end right when I come back! So hopefully, I will not be too overwhelmed by all this, especially since I seem to be getting full time hours at the hospital. I do wish she would not schedule me to at 8am because I took this job thinking I would start at 6am. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter that much. I can always study in the morning. I brought my computer with me to work to see how that goes and it was okay.
Okay so I left off at me passing the CNA exam. That went well. I scheduled my exam in Thatcher, Arizona (where??) because I didn't want to wait until MAY 17 to take my exam at the school. So I figured what's the big deal? People are scared to take it at another place because it will be unfamiliar, but since I took this test before, they setup is basically the same. They tell you where everything is anyways. It really wasn't a big deal. And since no one wants to go to Thatcher, there was only me and another girl there taking the test! I was done fast. I was glad to be done!
Fortunately for me, I did get the job at SHC. I started the Monday after the test, which was kind of fast but whatever. I am a dishwasher. Yup, I have a very high position in the hospital. Sigh. Well, it's better than doing nothing. The job is kind of hard and it hurts my wrists but I think I am getting used to it. I work with two other guys, of course they are both younger than me. Everyday is another chance for me to feel really old. Anyway, one is nice enough and the other is a retard. He thinks this is neurosurgery or something. I don't want to get into it here, because it is not worth it. Just know that I find him very annoying. Apparently I can "transfer" after six months. Hopefully, I can get a CNA position at SHC in six months. If not, I guess there are plenty of dishes to wash.
In more interesting news, I have signed up for the year of chem and the nutrition class. I am scared of the chem class because one of them was supposed to be taught by a certain teacher whom people said was good, but now it is being taught by someone else. I don't want to have a bad experience. Well, I don't know. I think I will take my chances and take the class. It can't be that bad can it? Hmm. Maybe it can. Well, I am hoping for the best. I need these classes to apply for that master program at UA. However, I would prefer an A in these classes! Well, I do have a week with chem before I can safely drop it without record. I am hoping I can keep it!
Once those classes are taken, I can apply to the program. If I get in, great! IF not, I will see about doing LPN or an RN program at a community college. I am thinking if I go that route, I will most likely just save up for flight school. It will take too long to go from ADN to MSN and get an NP. I definitely want to keep moving. The cool thing about out here is that if I take an pass the LPN exam, I can advance in the RN school. I took out some books to see if it is doable. It might be, but I am not sure. There is a lot to learn but a lot of it I already went through when I took that first semester of nursing at KCC. So we shall see.
This summer is Louisa's Wedding! I had a feeling I was going to make it... and I wouldn't be in Carib school. Hmm.
Anyways, I have to go and get some dry cleaning and some stuff. Today I have the day off! Hurray! Tomorrow I start another week of torture, but I guess it's all good for now. I am slowly dying inside, so I told my manager, ha ha!
So I guess it is official, I am now a CNA. Again. Like before, I probably will not ever BE a CNA. At this point, I am using it to give me some advantage at school, whatever that may be. I already paid for the classes I am going to take in the summer, so I hope that goes well.
Today is day 2 of orientation. Yesterday was okay. Nothing exciting, just the usual orientation stuff.
Wow! yesterday I did a complete run through of all the skills and then some! I was working for over seven hours. I was tired! I think I still am. Today I am just going to mentally go over some stuff, do practice exams, go over technical stuff, write down questions to ask, and prepare my stuff for tomorrow.
I forgot to pay the school bill yesterday so I hope to remember later today because that system doesn't open until 6am. I am kind of scared to pay because I am scared to take so many credits in the summer. I just hope that I am not screwing myself! I need to get As across the board.
Then all next week I have to get some stuff done that I was putting off like getting oil changes and tires. The tires for my Jeep aren't cheap AND I have to special order them. Oh well. I want to try to stick to Falken brand. If not, that's okay. I will just have ugly mismatched tires, ha ha.
I was thinking that I should save money to purchase a diesel car. I would rather have a diesel jeep, but we shall see. For now, I am looking a Volkswagon diesel cars. The cars would get better miles per gallon anyways.
Well, I am going to get started on my stuff. I am definitely going to take it easy today!
Yesterday's practice went well. I am not sure if I want to go again today, but I will if I can go much earlier. I think if I go today and we can do all the skills, or most of them, I can come home and do a few more with TJ. Then tomorrow I will only read the book and notes and go over some technical stuff. I have to get my stuff ready too, so I don't want to waste too much time doing skills. I think I am going to do well, so there is no need to go crazy.
Later today I am going to pay for the classes. I am kind of nervous taking a year of chem in one summer! Well I hope it goes well. It is all online, even the labs. This will be very strange for me. However, I want to have the best grades I can for that program. I thought about retaking the chem for med school, but they don't allow online classes. I'd have to suffer a whole year of chem for an actual year. Ochem was enough torture. I think my nutrition class will be interesting. I hope it's not going to be be too hard. I don't want to refuse work, but I will see how it goes.
Yesterday I also got my TB read. No TB, of course! I don't have anything else to do with prep this week. Next week is my orientation. Once I get settled into that, I will look at jobs for CNA. I am thinking about working through an agency and just do on call type stuff. I was wondering if I could work at SHC as a CNA while being a dishwasher? I don't know. Maybe. I will see how many hours I get at this job first. If I actually do only get part time hours, even though the manager said I could get full time hours, then I will inquire about CNA at the hospital. If I get lots of hours, I will just go through an agency.
I read on the UA website that they are changing the admissions deadline for this program to October after the next one. That is good! That means I get two shots at applying in one year, next year. I think it would clash with any chance of me going to do that LPN program, and probably any RN program at some school. I feel so weird for writing these words, but I guess I am out of guesses, whatever that means.
This is and has already been a busy week. First, I had my physical yesterday, or should I say "pee test." I hope I passed! Ha ha! Anyway, I also had ANOTHER TB test. I go back to get that read tomorrow, so I think I may meet up with a classmate to practice skills at the school. Then maybe do some more when I get home with TJ. Today I was just going to pay some bills and wait for my vacuum to be delivered. I ordered a new one from amazon so I hope it doesn't come broken. I really need to vacuum this place up!
I also got back my tax return! I was pleasantly surprised that I got back so much because I went to AUC. I had to mail my taxes in because the form the school gives you does not have a tax ID for them. But if you mail it in, it works! Now I can use that money to pay for my chem classes and get some tires for the Jeep. I think I need new brake shoes too. It feels crunchy when I brake. I will have to check that out.
Other than that, I have been hangin' in there. Some days I feel crappy and some days I have some energy. I wish I had the energy like I used to, but those days are in the past. Nowadays I am just a general pessimist-slash-realist. Maybe I will come around someday.
I got the job! HA HA! Just after I was all mad about not getting it! I got the call yesterday. I start on the 22nd. How wonderful! I hope there are a lot of hours. I will work as much as I can.
I also scheduled my CNA exam. I go next Saturday. I practiced all day today with TJ on my skills. He played a resident well. I am going to do four skills in 30 minutes (or is it 35 minutes?) tomorrow. I will do that until I get through them all. Then the rest of the week I will do four skills a day when TJ comes home. I hope he is up for the challenge!
Well, I called HR at SHC and left a message. Of course no one got back to me. I will just forget it. They seem to have reposted the job anyway. Okay great! I guess nobody is good enough to be a dishwasher!
So as the days roll on without work, I sit here and wonder if TJ is taking offense to my perceived laziness. He said he is fine with me not working. He says I don't have to work if I don't want to. HA HA HA! Well, that may be okay with him, but it sure ain't okay with me! I feel like such a bum!
Today I am going to schedule my CNA exam. I think I am going to go to Thatcher, Arizona. That is the closest date they have. Some people in my class are going to wait until the end of May to take the exam at the school, but I mean really now, does it make a difference? Everything will be the same. You should be able to perform these tasks anywhere anyways. Well, I don't want to wait. I want to get this over with as fast as possible so I can work sooner. Of course, if I fail, that will make that process go faster as well.
I have been giving some thought as to what I am going to do. Some days I waffle between just doing the LPN and saving money or going for that masters. I would really like to have a master degree. I also like that the masters degree will open doors to PhD. Not that I am saying I am going to get one, but I like to at least have that door open. I think it would be awesome. That would be my life dream. I always wanted one of those. Maybe I can still get one? I guess we shall see, huh? My main goal is to try to find someplace that I like. I know it sucks that the masters is offered at UA, but I guess I will have to suck it up.
I am registered for the chem classes but I have not paid yet. I can do that in a couple of weeks. I am kind of nervous about taking so many credits in a semester but I think I can do it. It could mean that I get into the masters program!
Today I am taking the kitten to the vet to FINALLY get her spayed. She is one crazy kitty! In fact, I have to get ready to leave in a few mins. I will update later!
I have finished with the CNA class and the externship. What is weird about here in Arizona is that the test is so far off from the last day of class. In NY, I was able to take the test not more than two weeks after everything was said and done, and I was able to take it at my school. The earliest I can take the test at my school is at the end of May. I will just have to take it somewhere else. I am not going to wait that long for nothing. There are some appointments coming up next week, but one is way out by Safford. Well, if that is what is available, I will take it so I can get it over with.
I also fixed my blog. The columns were looking funny and I finally figured out how to fix it. It seems I had to add a column width to the command. What is weird is that it never needed it before? Maybe some Russian hacked into my blog trying to make it ugly? Probably not, but I fixed it.
I also went last week for an interview at Scottsdale Healthcare for a dishwasher. I was supposed to have a phone interview and then go and do a face-to-face interview. They forgot! I called and said they had better call me because I have to leave. Well, I got a call right as I was leaving. The HR Person said they had a calendar malfunction. Yeah right. She also said she would send me something to fill out about my references. Haven't got that yet. I drove all the way to the interview and then that manager said she would let me know by next Friday. That was this past Friday. I didn't hear anything. I'm not banking on it either. I was kind of suspicious because the manager kept asking "why I wanted to be a dishwasher" when I have a bachelor degree. Obviously it's an entry level position. What other reason do I need? I thought I wanted to work at SHC, but maybe I don't anymore. I mean what kind of crap is this? I answer everything awesome, and I still get the shaft. I'm either too inexperienced or "overqualified." I am too old or too young. I'm not a man. I'm not local. I'm not what anyone is ever looking for. Here in Arizona, no one really goes to college so they think a bachelor means you are a freakin' doctor. It's just a degree, it doesn't qualify me for anything. It's irrelevant. Not everyone goes to school to work in that field. Some people just go because they want to, such as myself. I am getting sick of this.
But I don't want to start on that shit now. What I want to do is finish that CNA certificate and get going on summer classes. I KNOW I said I wasn't going to take anymore undergrad classes, but I am just taking one class that is required for that master program and I am retaking the whole year of chemistry. In one summer. YUP. I got permission. I want to have all A's. If I retake chem, I can have a perfect average for this master program and that should help me get in. If I don't get in, I am not sure what I am going to do next. That is still up in the air. If I don't get a job soon, I can prob count out business school!
But for me, everything has been crappy. This year has not been the best for sure. Last year sucked balls too! I have no idea why my life just can't settle down already but I guess that is just how it is. Well, all I can do is keep pressing on and trying to make something happen.
Here is a song I keep singing so I can manage my days.
UGH! I got up this morning and was like "blaaarrrgghhh, what is going on?"
Today is the last day of "class" for me and we are going to run through all the skills today. I came home yesterday and practiced all night on TJ. I had to keep waking him up during my skills! Then I was falling asleep. Oy. Anyway, I think I'm good enough for skills today. Next week we start our externship. I am still deciding which shoes to wear because it's going to be like 10 hour days. I was going to wear some flats but I am now leaning towards the boots.
Not much else going on lately. I am still looking for a job and I think I am through with truck driving. Screw them! I am not going to go over the road for nothing. I want to see what I can find here. We shall see. However I have to get ready for class.
This has been a very busy month for me. I have been doing some things to secure my future doing something. TJ and I have been trying to figure out what I can do and how I can do it in the shortest amount of time possible. So here is what has developed:
First, I have been going to CNA class. I am going to start my last week this week, then I will go to externship net week. The school I am at is very nice, I will post more about that later. It is MUCH better than the CNA school I went to in Brooklyn. The teacher here is very good. I like her style. Her taste in clothes isn't bad either! Anyway, I have my "final" on Wednesday, so I expect to do well on that.
At first, I was reluctant to go, but I have been trying to get a local driving job for a while now, without luck. Apparently, I am "not experienced" enough! Bullshit! It's all about me being female I am sure. Well, I had a long talk with TJ and he said that I don't have to go over the road, which was winding up to be my only options! So I was thinking about what I could do, and I remembered CNA class. I told TJ that I can train for that and he said it sounded like a good idea. At least it's "woman's work" so I can have a better chance at getting a job.
As I was looking at other options for schooling, and of course, my mother gave me some input like "herbalist" or some other cockamamie degree, I just happened to be looking at what I could do with the CNA. I found some schools out here that will allow you to go into an LPN program with just the CNA. Well, and some tests and stuff. I was seriously considering just going to do the LPN, getting a job, saving money then going to flight school. Well, that was fine and dandy until I started looking up some kind of score that these nursing schools get. I saw the University of Arizona scoring really high and was curious. I went to their website and saw that they had a special program for people with a bachelor degree who want to get the RN. I was like "hmm? this reminds me of that Yale program where you can enter with any bachelor and get an RN in an accelerated program." I started to look around at other schools, like good 'ol community college, and saw that getting the RN at a community college would be cheaper than the LPN at the private school. The only difference is that it is a little longer. So now I was in a conundrum! Should I try the RN programs out here? I still have nightmares about KCC Nursing that I am scared to death of nursing because of it.
I began to think that getting the RN wouldn't be so bad. If I like it, (out here that is, I can't say the same for New York) I can move on to get the NP as I originally planned many moons ago. If I don't like it, I can work and save money, and go on to other things. Maybe this will work? Of course, it can always go bust and I will have yet another disaster. If that happens, I think I will be done with school. No more. But if it works, I can have a decent job. Maybe.
Of course, my mind keeps saying that "everyone" (whoever that is) will think I am stupid for "going back to nursing" and that I was stupid for leaving in the first place. Mehhh. I mean, I liked driving too! I don't know. I can't make everyone happy. I can't even make myself happy, so I think making other people happy is a lost cause. Eat pie and die!!!
Anyway, I did give it much consideration, and I see that the only way I am going to get into medical school in the US is if I get a master's degree AND raise my MCAT. To like, 39. Unless I learn Spanish and go to Puerto Rican school. And I also see that the only way I can go to foreign school is if TJ Is with me. Otherwise, I self-destruct. I also don't want to be a Physician Assistant because I would have to get a master's in that and that is kind of stupid in my opinion. I like the nursing route better because there is a possibility to be a practitioner, and in this state, NPs are autonomous. There is also a PhD option. Not that I am saying I am going to get that, but that possibility is there. And that was my main goal in life. I don't know why, but it is. So things are kind of leaning towards the nurse route. Heaven help me!
To make matters worse, I have registered for the one class that I need to apply to the UA program. I also decided to retake the chemistry classes and get A's. Hopefully. Ha ha! So I am going to take a whole year of chemistry in one summer. Heaven help me times 2!
I asked TJ if he thought I was crazy. He said no. Whew! He said that these classes can only help, as in help my GPA. True dat. I don't think they would be particularly useful for an MBA if I go that way, but it does raise the GPA. Also, if by some miracle, I can apply to medical school again, I have better chem scores. I think the only med school I would be able to go to is in South America or something at this point. HA HA HA HA!!! I'm going to assume it is better not to think about med school right now. Let's just focus on what I am able to do at the present.
Now today, I am not sure I was supposed to complete any assignments. I had a very busy weekend. I registered for classes into the night on Friday, I did yard work and went shopping on Saturday, then spent Sunday doing the taxes. UGH! Well, I wanted to practice my skills for the CNA, but I didn't get a chance. I will have to do that this week now that most things are out of the way. Poor TJ! He will have to be my "resident" from now on.
Well, not really, but that song is stuck in my head for some reason. Yesterday was really cool! TJ surprised me by showing up at the house for lunch. At first I thought it was the UPS guy delivering my stuff From Walgreens but I heard someone wandering around. I was wondering what was going on, or maybe it was the Fedex guy who lives across the street? Then the bell rang. So I thought, "My stuff is here already?" But nope! It was TJ! Bearing gifts! And the fist thing I saw was a bag of WHATABURGER!!!! I aksed "Um, is that a patty melt?" Of course! You know it's true love when your husband buys you one of your favorite hamburgers!! (the other is the junior bacon cheeseburger at Wendy's.
SO I did manage to make all his goodies which included: Kahan's Kids Chocolate Balls (they came out good!), to which I added choclate chips and hazelnut creme in the center, and cocoa powder, sprinkles, or non-pareils; fake mascarpone cheese (vegan, my invention) on top of chocolate fudgy "tarts" that were very yummy; chocolate "cupcake shaped" candy holders with candy inside of them. let me tell you, those candy moulds are NOT made for real chocolate. What a pain in the arse!
So today I am hoping to ship off a gift for my mother (I bought her a wool sweater robe thing) and send back my old EZ-Pass. I've had that thing for EIGHT years now, and the battery is going to die, so they said. Therefore, I have to get a new one. I was "supposed" to send it back in 15 days or they will charge me, but mehhhh. I will send it today. The new one is really small. I will post pictures later when I update my webpage (ha ha right).
Sometimes I wish my brain would stop taking me back in time. I don't care! It's done with! Geez!
On some good news, I accomplished a few things: 1)I was able to throw away the old makeup! I took a picture of it and like magic, I was "okay" with its departure. How strange. 2)I finally got rid of Pierre's pyre. 3)I cut up all the cardboard boxes from my "expeditions" and put them in the recycle bin. 4)I got rid of all but one medical textbook. I have it still for sale on Amazon, so I will wait a couple more months before I offer it for $9. 5)I cleared out all my little cubby holes and was able to get rid of useless stuff.
I feel like I'm back to square one, figuring out where to work. I am just hoping that I can find a good driving job soon. I had requested my DAC report from HireRight just in case Fedex participates in the program. I will see if my former manager wrote any lies about me. If she did, I will kick her ass! There shouldn't be anything on it though, but I have to make sure. When I get that, I will elaborate more on my CDL adventures.
But for now, I am going to make my way to the Goodwill to donate some more stuff and then maybe go to Winco to get some stuff.
I went to Goodwill yesterday looking to donate my textbooks and see about finding a new cat carrier. As I was walking the isles, I saw a book titled: When Your Best Isn't Good Enough. I was thinking "Ha! Did they write a book about me?" I didn't buy it, although I should have since it was only 99 cents. Although I already know that I see myself as a failure even though I shouldn't, I wondered if the book would be a good read.
This year has been particularly filled with deep thoughts. Most of them about how I am half dead and have nothing to show. Sometimes I wonder what this whole thing is all for. I was pretty confidant about the med school thing, and we see how that turned out. I can't say I was confident about the Caribbean school thing, but I thought I wouold be able to get in at U of A. Then of course, we rewind my life, and all I see are failures piled on top of each other.
Take Fedex for instance. I was there, trying to move up, all the while, no one ever took me seriously. I had two interviews for the same type of position (trainer) and the last time, I was sure I would get it. I had prepared so hard and had answers to every possible question they could ask me. My presentation was awesome, it was even animated. But no. I was told that I lost it by four points. Yeah right. They knew who they wanted and they just interviewed people to make it seem like they were trying hard to look for someone. After I was told by one of the interviewers that I would "Get it next time" I became so angry and annoyed because I knew that unless someone on top wanted me to get a better job, there was no way I was going to get one on my own. That was when I was thinking about leaving. It was confirmed that it was a dead-end job.
Then we go back a little more and we shall find my Nursing fiasco. What a memory! I don't know how I was able to get sucked up into that realm, but there I was, an eager beaver, thinking I was finally going to do something that was worthwhile. Then BAM! I wasn't sure if it was me or nursing or that school in particular, but that was like putting potassium and water together. After that, I wasn't sure of my abilities to decide anymore. At least I was right about that because look where I am now!
Then just before that I was trying to finish my math degree. HA! I don't know if I was too sad at the time, but I could not focus on anything at that school. I was all over the place. I didn't want to leave to do nursing but I figured I needed to get something done so I can have a decent job. Of course, that is when I thought nursing took only two years for the associate degree. WRONG! Takes at least three. Well, once I realized that I was annoyed, but convinced myself that it would be worth it.
What is interesting is that I never even considered psychology before. NY doesn't teach it in high schools, so I really didn't know much about it. I had to take some classes to do nursing and although the teachers were really bad (save one), I liked the subject. I also really liked microbiology. I even considered taking micro instead since it seemed more interesting than nursing. But I didn't and here I am typing up all the "wouldda, shouldda, couldda's."
Then there is the initial disaster called Long Island University. I was set to take pharmacy when I started college and was even accepted to my top choice school in Philadelphia. I guess I needed to take out a loan, so I asked my father how I was going to pay for school and he just shrugged his shoulders. Apparently, he did not want to cosign. Nice father I have. Anyway, since he didn't cosign and my then stupid boyfriend who barely graduated high school (and he wouldn't have if it wasn't for me) didn't want to move to Philly with me, I decided to go to LIU since I could stay at home. HAHAHAHAH! WOW! ERROR! I had no loans so I worked full time and was trying desperately to pay off that enormous bill. My mother helped me a bit, but between all the working and the crappiness of that school (and Lord, was that school a hell hole!) I was ready to drop out, never to return to college. I went to Kingsborough on the advice of my cello instructor from high school. That was a good idea. At least I had something.
It seems like I have a long, torturous history with school. Elementary and junior high school was no dream come true either. I did well, but I was the child with the "behaviour issues." Not because I can't control myself, but because the teachers were idiots! The only good time I had was in high school and Kingsborough. The teachers I had in these places all had PhD's and were really smart AND they could teach, i.e., they were awesome, friendly, helpful, and interesting. City College was "OK" but the school itself was really run down and crappy. I think that it is the last of the CUNY's to get any money. Which is sad because CCNY is such a historic school. Oh well.
So I kept asking TJ if I should go back to nursing (of course he scoffed, har har). He said I should stay away from anything medical. I think I agree. The problem is that my interests lie in the realm of "masculine" careers, and since I am not a man, it would either be tough for me to get one of these jobs or that I would be placed in a position that is dead-end. For example, I was watching a show on regional airline pilots and there was a 26 year old woman who was the First Officer. Not bad you say? Well, yes, but she was put with a Captain who has been there 15 years and expects to be there 15 more. So I could see where she was going: Nowhere. It will be 15 years before she will be promoted. On a different show, there were First Officers who were promoted to Captain within nine months. They were male. Makes me wonder.
I bring up aviation because I am considering that field again. TJ said it was okay if I don't make any money (and I won't), as long as I am doing what I want to do. Then I was also considering getting a master's in psychology. Of course, there is the MBA in supply chain still waiting for me. And there is the whole transportation field (which ties with the MBA). I think it would be awesome to get the pilots licenses and all that and work for the Department of Transportation. Maybe I can get hired by the FAA? Who knows. I do know that I will be old, and I have very limited options as of now, so I am not dreaming big dreams or getting my hopes up for anything anymore.
Well, enough rambling. I am ACTUALLY almost done cleaning my room! That is a miracle in itself.
Today I feel that I have the "strength" to discard the makeup that has been hangin' around too long. One of them is the Milani Runway Eyes collection in some kind of pink. I was dying for a palette of pinks and thought this one would be perfect, but it sucks! I didn't return it because I bought it from Walgreens and I am not sure of their return policy. It barely shows up pink. Naturally, I didn't want to buy any of the other palettes. I wound up buying the Maybelline Silk Eyeshadow palettes. These are much better. I wouldn't say they are as good as creme eyeshadow, as I loved Revlon's creme eyeshadows palettes (and those palettes I still have and are causing me the throw away problems), and would only use and buy those. However, they don't look as good anymore. Maybe I am just imagining it, but I feel iffy about buying a palette to try out. I dunno.
I did manage to get the Lava nail polish. TJ liked it! I think it would be perfect for the Jeep.
Anyway, I know that I am behind on my updates. I know that my "me" page is not correct haha! I don't even think I have an "action plan" anymore. I mean, should I care? Not sure anymore. I think the only thing I care about at this point is applying for jobs and getting one. Then saving my money. Then seeing what happens.
Ugh! Everytime I look at my creme eyeshadows, I CAN'T throw it out! What is wrong with me for Pete's sake!!!
HA HA!! Did you know that Staten Island claims to be geographically disadvantaged? To whom? Because as far as I can tell, they have the upper hand against people in Alaska! I mean seriously, is that even valid to say? Do they say that because their only option to the west is New Jersey? I think people would know by now that Staten Island sucks, so why would you move there? I guess I would if I really liked boats... nah, I'd move to Long Island actually. Or if you really like the smell of garbage. They should just make a tunnel to Brooklyn or something. Or not.
Yesterday I was trying to find a bottle of Sally Hansen lava, but I guess I am going to have to get it at Target after all. I am not a huge fan of target, but everywhere else is sold out. I want to have that bottle because that is the color I want to paint my Jeep! So I want to keep it to show to whomever is going to paint my jeep in the future. I guess I will go and get it today. I know I saw it at a Target so I hope it's still there! I will be mad if it is not.
I do have an issue: makeup. I have had some Revlon creme eye shadow palettes since, I dunno, 2003, and although I have spent the last year replacing almost every color (except this one greenish gold-y color that I don't know who sells it), I just can't seem to throw the damn things away. I even have a special container with all the makeup that I don't like or use, but can't bring myself to throw away. I really should utilize the return policy more often for makeup. I have been conditioned most of my life that makeup can't be returned so.... Anyway, I need to find the strength to throw these things out! What do I do?
Other than that, I have no other Earth-shattering problems. Except that I should accept that my room will never be organized. I just have too much stuff. I have doubles of stuff because of the moving away and all that. I don't want to throw those out because I will use it eventually. I just have to deal with some things not having a home for now. I think I should start using the space under the futon to put the orphan items. I also have so much stuff that my mother gave to me like blankets and mirrors, that I am running out of room. Well, those things are supposed to be on the wall, so that may be contributing to the space dilemma. I'm just glad TJ doesn't care about this. He is kind of a packrat himself, so he has problems throwing things out as well. When I moved in, his closet was not utilized because he had so much crap in there from when he moved. There were things from HIGH SCHOOL in there! HAHAHAHA! That year we donated so much stuff, it actually was enough to put on the tax return! He also had so many pots, pans, dishes (ugly), and other assorted crap in the garage. Maybe I should organize the garage too. HA! Yeah right! The one thing that the garage can use is a pegboard. That would be useful.
So today I am going to get the tire fixed on the car because it went flat on TJ yesterday. I hope they can fix it. If not, I'll have to get a used one for the meantime. The tires are almost used up anyway. I also need a replacement for the Jeep. It seems that one tire is worn out but the rest aren't. I guess I need balancing and alignment. I can wait on that. Those tires are almost done too. So both cars just need one tire fixed/replaced and then should last for probably less than a year. Unless I take another trip. Then maybe only through the summer.
I finally got around to repairing the hose because I needed it to wash the new kitten's stuff. I think it works okay now.
I also think my trip to the DMV gave me a fabulous sore throat! I hope it doesn't morph into something else, I don't want to be sick!
Anyway, I have some "chores" left to do in the house, namely my room. Sometimes I think I should just give up on trying to put everything away. It's not like I'm going to have the president coming over. Well there isn't too much left, and since I don't have any shopping to do, I should try to finish!
I am also going to finalize the books I am going to keep and those that I am going to donate once and for all. No more medical books or whatever. I am only keeping some choice books. I am also going to go thru my cosmetics and beads. I have stuff that I just don't like or use or is not useful. Maybe I can donate those things too.
I am going to make breakfast. I spent all morning looking at perfume deals. I think I am going to make my purchase today. I have been pondering a few perfumes for a while, and since I get bonus points from that website, I think I'm going to go for it. Then my collection should be complete. I shouldn't need anything for a long time. Unless there is an amazing deal on the ones I like. Hmm. I also know that I have to update my webpage. I need to sort out a lot of pictures so bear with me. I definitely need to do that soon. At least I am only one year behind, not seven like last time hahaha!
I got my TSA clearance this weekend so I decided to get my hazmat yesterday. Well, the thing about Arizona is that when it rains, things go haywire and I guess the DMV is no exception. Their "system was down" and I waited hours to get what should have took 10 minutes. I will never understand why putting your equipment online takes so long. What are we paying taxes for? In any case, I was really angry and my new license picture shows it! When I saw the picture I laughed.
I am still not finished cleaning my room. I suck! Geez!
