:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: 9.03.2006 ::

Haterade!

Thats a funny slang word!

Anyway, Labor Day is here and Ive just got over a horrible migrainous week (yes I had a migraine all week since Sunday... the only day of relief was Thursday) and top top it all off, yesterday I had a horrible allergy fit that made me feel like life was over...

So anyway, now that I am able to know where I am, I can type up something of interest, though it may only be interesting to me. After watching a DVD of NASA astronauts, I became somewhat depressed of my past hopes and dreams. I used to want to be an astronaut and I was going to see what needed to be done. I was to join the Air Force and do whatever I could to be a pilot and then apply to be an astronaut. Of course, I learned that I am basically handicapped in all aspects of USAF piloting and astronautical endeavors. I am blind, I am too short, I am a woman (which has its negativities in the case of piloting for the military), and as of recently, I learned I am too dumb or just plain disadvantaged in the area of academics. First, I learned I cannot do physics. Okay, I guess I knew that from the start, but why not give it a shot. I learned I really DID hate EE all along and was not just hating it because my father was/is one. Don't like chemistry or biology enough (though I was keen on physiology) and the only thing I had left was math... well we all know how that turned out. When I had decided to try nursing I knew then and there all aspirations of ever being an astronaut were gone. Nursing is not a science and is not an acceptable filed of study for NASA astronaut selection. Well, neither is psychology, but I never expected to gian anything from that except a stamp that says "B.S. [insert major here]." To this day, when people ask me what my major is/was I always include my math degree (if you can call it that).

So now on the eve of Labor Day (which has a significance in that it was the last holiday before the school year started) I am here pondering the facets of my life that have led to me to where I am today and asking the five W's and the one H of some events. I have not discovered any new information folks. Life is what it is and though I may be a virtual cripple in the areas I most desire (or used to desire most), I am confident that someday, somehow, I will obtain some satisfaction in my accomplishments. I have no place in the sky nor do I have a place in space or even sweeping the crap out of the bathrooms at Johnson Space Center. I have resigned from all those dreams many years ago and though I may be nostalgic about those hopes (and not about school as you have read in a previous post), I looked deep into my heart and asked what else if not the sky and the jet fumes could make me just as happy? Is there anything that is a close second?

The answer is not nursing! Let's get something straight. I went to nursing to train to get a job because I was in the dumps and I had nothing. I was too depressed to go back to "real" school because I hated it and I had no clue as to what to take. I wanted a science degree and it just was not working out. I wanted to run away some how; I wanted to be absorbed into something, much like a druggie needs to be absorbed in his crack to feel at least like a third of a human being. The worse things got, the more I studied and it was great. Then when it was time to start being a nurse, all hell broke loose. IT SUCKED! "I don't want to do this! I want to read books and get As!!" All the mending I did took a turn for the worst. I glorified something I knew nothing about and made it look, to myself, as if it were something to be desired. I looked at nursing with beer goggles on when deep down inside I was ashamed of it and felt stupider the more I wore that damn nurse dress. I hated saying I was a Kingsborough Nurse.... I shuddered and it made my stomach turn. I was not this! I was someone who worked with her hands yes, but not like this! Every aspect of the "career" seemed like a dead end. It was interesting to be in the medical field but I would have hardly any power and I am NOT about to spew out "my gosh, nursing has its roots inthe history of the universe and everyone has the power to summon that energy to heal and prevent and I can show you with a nursing method that channels energy from the body and displaces from the sick parts to the healthy parts"

WHAAAAAATT!???? EXCUSE ME???

Oh no she didnt.... I wasnt aware that nursing has its root in Kabbalah or the Seven African Powers!

Now, when I started the nursing thing I said "if this doesn't work, I am nothing and that means nothing else is going to work." When I left nursing I said "This is shit and if I think Im going to believe there is nothing else, then I will just have to drive trucks!!!" So I went back to real school and looked over every science (B.S.) major they had and said there HAD to be something in here I can do and it was between chemistry, psychology and geology. I ruled out geology because it would take longer than chemistry or psycholgy. I went to the KCC library and looked at all the textbooks for the chemistry classes and psychology classes. I said "Do you REALLY want to study this [bio-chemistry]?" I must have looked through the chem books for an hour before I said "no." I mean, look how much easier psychology is than chemistry! I was like "Come on, pick something EASY! Pick something you can get out fast with and then, you can always go back to get another degree, like a real one."

Then I pondered the idea of med school... that went bust quick enough. The disadvantaged background I spoke of earlier comes into play here. I just do not have enough money and patience to audit all those classes and then study like mad to do well on the MCAT. Though I dont think I would do bad, I would be waking up at 5am to drive all the way to Queens (the only cheap place I can audit) and study most likely seven days a week. That kind of schedule only works when I am depressed people. I am not fond of two hour night sleeps anymore, especially now that I had a driving job.

Oh yes, the driving job. I seemed to have got off the topic a bit. I was supposed to tell you what was a close second! Apparently, I had "accidently" discovered I liked other machines besides planes, namely trucks. Its difficult to think people will pay you to drive something somewhere. I mean, thats a lot of fun you know?? So fastforward to my job now and I discover that you can be hired to drive their tractor-trailors. Not only that, my new destination for grad school fits right in because I can also be a manager for these things! So what's a girl to do?

She applies for a tractor-trailor position in San Diego! (hey Im ranked #1 for now)

Of course, I still have to get my CDL-A, ahem. But not to worry, I don't suppose I will fail the test, I just hope I can pass it in time. I will check on my status at work on Tuesday, and if I am still #1, I need to get the steppin' on that license. What's cool about the job is that you get three full weeks of paid training somewhere and they pay for the hotel and meals and all that.

Then when I dominate the road I will become a manager and with my MBA, I will get paid so much money as a "fleet manager" I will say "take that blind-y!" Of course, blind-y would be myself and though I am grateful for whatever vision I have left, I would really be saying HA to making the most out of my situation. I do realize that this would not be an issue for someone else because they probably could care less about flying and being an astronaut. Maybe they just care about being on MTV. God bless simplicity.

Oh yeah, I think I need to lower my cholesterol.

:: Jane Dee 10:59:00 PM [+] ::
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