Welcome! This blog is Retired. However, you may still enjoy some of the finer pages of vintage online ramblings out there! Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log, people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like. Blog officially retired 02.14.2021
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Well, not really, but that song is stuck in my head for some reason. Yesterday was really cool! TJ surprised me by showing up at the house for lunch. At first I thought it was the UPS guy delivering my stuff From Walgreens but I heard someone wandering around. I was wondering what was going on, or maybe it was the Fedex guy who lives across the street? Then the bell rang. So I thought, "My stuff is here already?" But nope! It was TJ! Bearing gifts! And the fist thing I saw was a bag of WHATABURGER!!!! I aksed "Um, is that a patty melt?" Of course! You know it's true love when your husband buys you one of your favorite hamburgers!! (the other is the junior bacon cheeseburger at Wendy's.
SO I did manage to make all his goodies which included: Kahan's Kids Chocolate Balls (they came out good!), to which I added choclate chips and hazelnut creme in the center, and cocoa powder, sprinkles, or non-pareils; fake mascarpone cheese (vegan, my invention) on top of chocolate fudgy "tarts" that were very yummy; chocolate "cupcake shaped" candy holders with candy inside of them. let me tell you, those candy moulds are NOT made for real chocolate. What a pain in the arse!
So today I am hoping to ship off a gift for my mother (I bought her a wool sweater robe thing) and send back my old EZ-Pass. I've had that thing for EIGHT years now, and the battery is going to die, so they said. Therefore, I have to get a new one. I was "supposed" to send it back in 15 days or they will charge me, but mehhhh. I will send it today. The new one is really small. I will post pictures later when I update my webpage (ha ha right).
Sometimes I wish my brain would stop taking me back in time. I don't care! It's done with! Geez!
On some good news, I accomplished a few things: 1)I was able to throw away the old makeup! I took a picture of it and like magic, I was "okay" with its departure. How strange. 2)I finally got rid of Pierre's pyre. 3)I cut up all the cardboard boxes from my "expeditions" and put them in the recycle bin. 4)I got rid of all but one medical textbook. I have it still for sale on Amazon, so I will wait a couple more months before I offer it for $9. 5)I cleared out all my little cubby holes and was able to get rid of useless stuff.
I feel like I'm back to square one, figuring out where to work. I am just hoping that I can find a good driving job soon. I had requested my DAC report from HireRight just in case Fedex participates in the program. I will see if my former manager wrote any lies about me. If she did, I will kick her ass! There shouldn't be anything on it though, but I have to make sure. When I get that, I will elaborate more on my CDL adventures.
But for now, I am going to make my way to the Goodwill to donate some more stuff and then maybe go to Winco to get some stuff.
I went to Goodwill yesterday looking to donate my textbooks and see about finding a new cat carrier. As I was walking the isles, I saw a book titled: When Your Best Isn't Good Enough. I was thinking "Ha! Did they write a book about me?" I didn't buy it, although I should have since it was only 99 cents. Although I already know that I see myself as a failure even though I shouldn't, I wondered if the book would be a good read.
This year has been particularly filled with deep thoughts. Most of them about how I am half dead and have nothing to show. Sometimes I wonder what this whole thing is all for. I was pretty confidant about the med school thing, and we see how that turned out. I can't say I was confident about the Caribbean school thing, but I thought I wouold be able to get in at U of A. Then of course, we rewind my life, and all I see are failures piled on top of each other.
Take Fedex for instance. I was there, trying to move up, all the while, no one ever took me seriously. I had two interviews for the same type of position (trainer) and the last time, I was sure I would get it. I had prepared so hard and had answers to every possible question they could ask me. My presentation was awesome, it was even animated. But no. I was told that I lost it by four points. Yeah right. They knew who they wanted and they just interviewed people to make it seem like they were trying hard to look for someone. After I was told by one of the interviewers that I would "Get it next time" I became so angry and annoyed because I knew that unless someone on top wanted me to get a better job, there was no way I was going to get one on my own. That was when I was thinking about leaving. It was confirmed that it was a dead-end job.
Then we go back a little more and we shall find my Nursing fiasco. What a memory! I don't know how I was able to get sucked up into that realm, but there I was, an eager beaver, thinking I was finally going to do something that was worthwhile. Then BAM! I wasn't sure if it was me or nursing or that school in particular, but that was like putting potassium and water together. After that, I wasn't sure of my abilities to decide anymore. At least I was right about that because look where I am now!
Then just before that I was trying to finish my math degree. HA! I don't know if I was too sad at the time, but I could not focus on anything at that school. I was all over the place. I didn't want to leave to do nursing but I figured I needed to get something done so I can have a decent job. Of course, that is when I thought nursing took only two years for the associate degree. WRONG! Takes at least three. Well, once I realized that I was annoyed, but convinced myself that it would be worth it.
What is interesting is that I never even considered psychology before. NY doesn't teach it in high schools, so I really didn't know much about it. I had to take some classes to do nursing and although the teachers were really bad (save one), I liked the subject. I also really liked microbiology. I even considered taking micro instead since it seemed more interesting than nursing. But I didn't and here I am typing up all the "wouldda, shouldda, couldda's."
Then there is the initial disaster called Long Island University. I was set to take pharmacy when I started college and was even accepted to my top choice school in Philadelphia. I guess I needed to take out a loan, so I asked my father how I was going to pay for school and he just shrugged his shoulders. Apparently, he did not want to cosign. Nice father I have. Anyway, since he didn't cosign and my then stupid boyfriend who barely graduated high school (and he wouldn't have if it wasn't for me) didn't want to move to Philly with me, I decided to go to LIU since I could stay at home. HAHAHAHAH! WOW! ERROR! I had no loans so I worked full time and was trying desperately to pay off that enormous bill. My mother helped me a bit, but between all the working and the crappiness of that school (and Lord, was that school a hell hole!) I was ready to drop out, never to return to college. I went to Kingsborough on the advice of my cello instructor from high school. That was a good idea. At least I had something.
It seems like I have a long, torturous history with school. Elementary and junior high school was no dream come true either. I did well, but I was the child with the "behaviour issues." Not because I can't control myself, but because the teachers were idiots! The only good time I had was in high school and Kingsborough. The teachers I had in these places all had PhD's and were really smart AND they could teach, i.e., they were awesome, friendly, helpful, and interesting. City College was "OK" but the school itself was really run down and crappy. I think that it is the last of the CUNY's to get any money. Which is sad because CCNY is such a historic school. Oh well.
So I kept asking TJ if I should go back to nursing (of course he scoffed, har har). He said I should stay away from anything medical. I think I agree. The problem is that my interests lie in the realm of "masculine" careers, and since I am not a man, it would either be tough for me to get one of these jobs or that I would be placed in a position that is dead-end. For example, I was watching a show on regional airline pilots and there was a 26 year old woman who was the First Officer. Not bad you say? Well, yes, but she was put with a Captain who has been there 15 years and expects to be there 15 more. So I could see where she was going: Nowhere. It will be 15 years before she will be promoted. On a different show, there were First Officers who were promoted to Captain within nine months. They were male. Makes me wonder.
I bring up aviation because I am considering that field again. TJ said it was okay if I don't make any money (and I won't), as long as I am doing what I want to do. Then I was also considering getting a master's in psychology. Of course, there is the MBA in supply chain still waiting for me. And there is the whole transportation field (which ties with the MBA). I think it would be awesome to get the pilots licenses and all that and work for the Department of Transportation. Maybe I can get hired by the FAA? Who knows. I do know that I will be old, and I have very limited options as of now, so I am not dreaming big dreams or getting my hopes up for anything anymore.
Well, enough rambling. I am ACTUALLY almost done cleaning my room! That is a miracle in itself.
Today I feel that I have the "strength" to discard the makeup that has been hangin' around too long. One of them is the Milani Runway Eyes collection in some kind of pink. I was dying for a palette of pinks and thought this one would be perfect, but it sucks! I didn't return it because I bought it from Walgreens and I am not sure of their return policy. It barely shows up pink. Naturally, I didn't want to buy any of the other palettes. I wound up buying the Maybelline Silk Eyeshadow palettes. These are much better. I wouldn't say they are as good as creme eyeshadow, as I loved Revlon's creme eyeshadows palettes (and those palettes I still have and are causing me the throw away problems), and would only use and buy those. However, they don't look as good anymore. Maybe I am just imagining it, but I feel iffy about buying a palette to try out. I dunno.
I did manage to get the Lava nail polish. TJ liked it! I think it would be perfect for the Jeep.
Anyway, I know that I am behind on my updates. I know that my "me" page is not correct haha! I don't even think I have an "action plan" anymore. I mean, should I care? Not sure anymore. I think the only thing I care about at this point is applying for jobs and getting one. Then saving my money. Then seeing what happens.
Ugh! Everytime I look at my creme eyeshadows, I CAN'T throw it out! What is wrong with me for Pete's sake!!!
HA HA!! Did you know that Staten Island claims to be geographically disadvantaged? To whom? Because as far as I can tell, they have the upper hand against people in Alaska! I mean seriously, is that even valid to say? Do they say that because their only option to the west is New Jersey? I think people would know by now that Staten Island sucks, so why would you move there? I guess I would if I really liked boats... nah, I'd move to Long Island actually. Or if you really like the smell of garbage. They should just make a tunnel to Brooklyn or something. Or not.
Yesterday I was trying to find a bottle of Sally Hansen lava, but I guess I am going to have to get it at Target after all. I am not a huge fan of target, but everywhere else is sold out. I want to have that bottle because that is the color I want to paint my Jeep! So I want to keep it to show to whomever is going to paint my jeep in the future. I guess I will go and get it today. I know I saw it at a Target so I hope it's still there! I will be mad if it is not.
I do have an issue: makeup. I have had some Revlon creme eye shadow palettes since, I dunno, 2003, and although I have spent the last year replacing almost every color (except this one greenish gold-y color that I don't know who sells it), I just can't seem to throw the damn things away. I even have a special container with all the makeup that I don't like or use, but can't bring myself to throw away. I really should utilize the return policy more often for makeup. I have been conditioned most of my life that makeup can't be returned so.... Anyway, I need to find the strength to throw these things out! What do I do?
Other than that, I have no other Earth-shattering problems. Except that I should accept that my room will never be organized. I just have too much stuff. I have doubles of stuff because of the moving away and all that. I don't want to throw those out because I will use it eventually. I just have to deal with some things not having a home for now. I think I should start using the space under the futon to put the orphan items. I also have so much stuff that my mother gave to me like blankets and mirrors, that I am running out of room. Well, those things are supposed to be on the wall, so that may be contributing to the space dilemma. I'm just glad TJ doesn't care about this. He is kind of a packrat himself, so he has problems throwing things out as well. When I moved in, his closet was not utilized because he had so much crap in there from when he moved. There were things from HIGH SCHOOL in there! HAHAHAHA! That year we donated so much stuff, it actually was enough to put on the tax return! He also had so many pots, pans, dishes (ugly), and other assorted crap in the garage. Maybe I should organize the garage too. HA! Yeah right! The one thing that the garage can use is a pegboard. That would be useful.
So today I am going to get the tire fixed on the car because it went flat on TJ yesterday. I hope they can fix it. If not, I'll have to get a used one for the meantime. The tires are almost used up anyway. I also need a replacement for the Jeep. It seems that one tire is worn out but the rest aren't. I guess I need balancing and alignment. I can wait on that. Those tires are almost done too. So both cars just need one tire fixed/replaced and then should last for probably less than a year. Unless I take another trip. Then maybe only through the summer.
