:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: 8.19.2003 ::

GEEZ!

Well I thought I would be able to update while on the road but it seems that the update demon has jinxed me. Who would have known that a windows worm and a blackout would happen? Well, not only that, I (we) were driving so much and didn't even stay in a room! We slept on the road lol! We are such bums. Well, when I come back, I will share all the great pictures (there are ALOT) and all the great stories (including Panda Power)... it'll be great. See ya soon!

:: Jane Dee 12:01:00 AM [+] ::
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On my way!

Rock and roll! I'm going on a way cool cross country road trip in less than 6 hours. Keep you posted.

By the way, I think Lou and I made up.

To the other lou (luis): Batchelor cookoff sounds awsome!

To Alex, I will find you kick ass fudge.

To Jared: you poor baby! I would make you some kosher corned beef brisket but I don't have the kosher utensils. Nosh anyone?

:: Jane Dee 10:11:00 PM [+] ::
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Summertime Stress

I have decided to redo my hallway and foyer and my goodness! The hallway is the hardest thing because the ceiling is so high and the steps are not a friendly place for a ladder to be. However, the two story ladder managed to get into the house and help with the work. I am not done and I don't know how much more I can take of this painting, sweating (stinking), hungry, muscles hurting job. I have no idea why I decide to do these things when I could have just relaxed. Well, I may post some "after" pictures but the before pictures are so bad that I didn't even bother to take the pictures. I will make this one point clear: I am not doing these hallways again.

More Summertime Stress

My mother is very crazy and is currently telling me that my father has "no more than two years left." Okay, true or not true, she should really stop telling me stuff that doesnt make any sense. I'm not sure if she read doctors reports about his cancer or used her "psychic abilities" to see the results. It just upsets me. But why should that matter? Does anyone care anyway??

Well, for some reason, I remembered that my mother had kept his dog tags from his days in the army (60s?) and I wanted to have them. Unfortunately, she said he took them back (long story) and doesn't know where they are. Well, that is just great. If he is to pass on earlier than expected, I will have no real memory... so I got all upset that I will never have his tags. All I kept thinking was that they were right there, spinning in my face as my mother or father or whoever, took them out of the safe deposit box. So I sat there sadly tryingto forget they ever even existed. I had tried to remember that the things in this existence are just stuff and that they are not as valuable as the spirit. But that didn't work and now I'm totally bummed out about not having those tags. I am so bummed out I don't even want to go to the greatest exhibit on the planet. All I did was paint and hope it would go away. Well, obviuosly not. So I rummaged through his desk drawer and stole, uh, I mean, borrowed his fabulous army pictures he stashed in there. There is one shot in particular where he looks like a total geek. My mother has a few photo albums from way too long ago that showcase his army days. Maybe when she clears the clutter in that "room" I can take a look at it.

But I decided that until the aforementioned clutter is cleared, I will make no more mention of this situation ever again.


And Finally, the Good Summer Stress

After doing many, MANY errands today, the cross country road trip has been confirmed and me and G (am I allowd to mention his name?) are on our way to California. I was thinking I would bring my psychology book to see what the field is all about so I could make some decisions on my future goals... but maybe that is too nerdy. Well, I will definately update my webpage on the road as well as this blog so you can see our progress. I will probably shove it all on the travelogue page. I will definately have to get back to that.

Now it is time for some sleep.

:: Jane Dee 12:18:00 AM [+] ::
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And now, on with the rest of time

:: Jane Dee 11:25:00 PM [+] ::
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Wow... talk about not giving a damn

So the friend I have been discussing has decided that I am defensive and that I will only end up hurting myself. Is that so? I don't know about that, but I wrote her a response and she did not respond. It seems that my suspicion of her not wanting to be friends with me is true. She had said that I was using this as an excuse not to be friends. Why? Because I said to not talk to me until she grows up? Maybe. However, I think that friends should care about how you feel and by her saying that hints at projection. Yes, until she realizes what a friendship should be, I think I have had enough. I don't deserve to be treated like this AND blamed for it. I really wanted to get this friendship going, but now I am afraid that will not be possible. I cannot and do not feel like competing against guys she thinks she is going to marry. Maybe when she isn't attached again she will come around and I will have a better status. But until then, I don't mean a thing.

:: Jane Dee 11:24:00 PM [+] ::
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Friends... can't live with them, can't live without them... or was that women?

What do I do about Lou?

This is not a good situation. I think she does it on purpose. Ugh. All I can do is wonder what she thinks about me as a person... does she mean what she says etc etc? I wonder. Sigh. Maybe I shuouldn't even bother with her when she has a boyfriend. It's just odd that she is right here and well, doesn't seem to have the time for me even after making plans. I guess I should have figured she would dissappear this summer. Okay, now I'm rambling. However, I figured I would leave her alone. There is no sense trying to make her hang out with me if she doesn't want to. If she wants to hang out with me, I guess he will let me know. Well, at least that is what I assume.

What do I do about that??

You know what sucks sometimes? When you think about things you shouldn't think about. You know, when you suddenly get flashbacks and think "why"? Well, I think it was because Alex brought up some stuff. It got me thinking you know? But is it wrong? Should I say it's not happening? I hope it's just part of healing and will make me stronger. However, it did make me think of a great video to a certain song, to which I will not share.

:: Jane Dee 7:22:00 PM [+] ::
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Humph!

I have "friend" problems. Ughhh!

Anyway, I was enjoying my first few days of vacation and it has been nice. I went to see The Donnas on the Carson Daly show (what a fag) and I thought it was nice of her to recognize me but I kinda got scared when she pinched me (the singer). I ceratainly follow them around too much. Half of the audience didn't even know who the hell they were and that was kind of annoying. And no, Carson is NOT hot.

HOWEVER, there was an aerospace convention going on outside in Rockafellar Center and there were these totally hot Air Force guys walking around. I so wanted to go there the next day with my binoculars-slash-digital camera (hehehe) and take pics of the cutest ones but I had plans with someone and they decided not to follow through because Im not important enough. Well, I hope I can go take a look soon (wink wink).

Despite that, I have been pretty happy being guy free. No more guys to make fun of me, no guys I want to punch in the stomach, no guys who want me to give them naked pics, no guys who want to kidnap me, no guys who bore me, and certainly no guys who are just plain dumb. I mean what's the point. Every date is like hell and I have too many stories. So I will stick to being single for as LONG as I can.

Now here is the good news and interesting news:

GOOD NEWS: My friend Gezim has been planning a cross country road trip and has asked ME to go! Can we say "hell's yeah"?? oooh! I can't wait!

Interesting news: So I was thinking about it... maybe I should go to medical school and be a doctor. I mean, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be hard and it seems like a useful career. It does take a long time though. And I don't like doctors that much. So what to do? Well, my new goals were to get two masters in nursing and if I couldnt find the right school that offers what I want for a PhD in nursing, Id get a PhD in psychology or whatnot given I want to go into psychiatric nursing. But wouldnt it be great to be a doctor.... I can be a REAL doctor and open up an office in a place that needs one. And maybe be a psychiatrist? Hmm. Well, I have to get my RN first. I have to make money somehow first!

Interesting News: I am definately going to adopt a kid when I am 25 and over. There are so many cute kids in poor countries who are preteens who will never get adopted... and that is just what I want! I want a boy age 10+ and I hope he has colored eyes too. Wow, Im so excited. Im going to have an effort free family!

and to end this blog.... I am having the best time ever in the nursing program. If only I knew how shitty math was going to be, I would have done this in the first place! I am going to be sooooo happy. I already am! If you see me in the hallway from time to time, I may be smiling for no reason it seems, but I do have a reason... I am SO HAPPY! FINALLY I am doing something that really makes me happy. And to top it all off, I CAN STILL TEACH MATH! HAHAHAHAHA!

:: Jane Dee 4:41:00 PM [+] ::
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