:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: 1.27.2004 ::

Concupiscence

hee hee haw haw!

Anyway, I am so exhausted. I am beyond exhausted. I have never been this tired in all my life. No, I'm not joking. It is becoming (or is already) extremely difficult to wake up in the morning. All I can do now is pray for a snowstorm (even though I am actually getting annoyed by all this coldness) and be able to sleep in. I am nervous about my externship this and next weekend. I hope I can remember everything. I need to practice all my skills! aarrgghh!

The funny thing about all this exhaustion is that I am actually showing signs of sleep deprivation! ME of all people is actually being affected by a lack of sleep. I know, it's absurd. I feel so dumb. I can't remember simple words, I can't remember my knowledge... I can't recall things that I know I know! My IQ must have dropped 50 points.

So I made a new decision: I am not going to work for the remainder of February, even after I get my license. I know, I know, I need the money but what good would it be if I get sick and can't go to school or work? Not very!! So, I will make as I was going to do in the first place and make like a tourist in NYC and try to get my mind working again. I need to read up on my astronomy (did you see I hadn't updated the update?? since NOVEMBER!! It's okay, not much going on I swear.). I need to take pictures. I need to update my webpage. I need to read and write. I need to be ME!Oh this is like torture. It's okay. I hope that my state board exam is on February 14 and then I can rest for a few weeks. By that time, my schedule for my nursing program should be completed (but of course I will get into the nursing program, ahem ahem). Speaking of which, I need to buy another nurse blouse because I am going to have to sew on the KCC patch to it and I don't want to ruin my work uniforms... unless I get a job at a place that will let me wear scrubs? Hm maybe. We'll see.

SEE?? I can't even keep my thoughts straight! My plans for the rest of February include being a tourist in NYC and Co. Perhaps I can visit Lou's universe for an old fashioned gathering... hehehe. Let's see what else... oh and then there is Montauk. Yeah I was supposed to go there once it got cold... or was that upstate? Argh! I can't remember.

Well, right now, I'm going to attemp to make up for lost time and update something around here... I'll let you know.

:: Jane Dee 6:49:00 PM [+] ::
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Bad Jane!

Sigh. I should be reading but instead I am surfing for all things univers-y. You'll see why later. Instead, I will just say that poseurs are more prevalent than ever. Well, it's okay. It's not like I have to talk to any of them.

Well, I better read something!

:: Jane Dee 8:23:00 PM [+] ::
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SHAZAAMILICIOUS!

What's all the excitement about? Well, I got back my NLN scores and guess what percentile I'M in? Give Up?? 99th! WHEEE!

Okay, here are my scores:
Verbal: 49/60 (yeah I know I stink at English)
Mathematics: 36/40 (this was the section I had to guess one answer due to time constraints)
Science: 52/60 (they even wanted you to remember the equations to figure out current through parallel and series circuits! Ugh!)
Composite: 155/200 (So my overall score is 137/160)
Percentile Norms: Out of 52,011 applicants for an associate RN program in 42 states and 212 programs:
Verbal: 96th %ile
Mathematics: 99th %ile
Science: 99th %ile
Composite: 99th %ile
(these percentiles are the same for "All" i.e., diploma programs and Associate programs as well as other basic nursing programs. Total: 62,071 in 361 programs in 47 states.)

Two things: First is that I am positive I will be accepted now since I have such high percentile scores AND a perfect nursing index (4.0). RIGHT???? Second, I want to show the score sheet to my stats prof. I think he should use it as a great normal curve example. I'll make sure I do that.

In other news, I am very, very stressed. I was sick all week. First tetanus shots for my physical made my arm sore as hell. Then I had bad stomach ache. Then, I was depressed. Then I got a sinus infection in ONE nostril. Then I had to finish up my physical. Then I had PMS. Then I felt even more sad. Then I got a migraine. Then it spread... to my BONES. Then I had to get more shots (HepB). Then my arm started to go numb. Then I was reminded of my womanhood. Now I am in complete pain. At least the worst is over. Only two more HepB shots to go....

As for my CNA training, I am okay for now. I start my externship at the nursing home on the 31st. I heard the director likes to yell alot. I think I will answer her with "MAAM YES MAAM!" Maybe then she won't pick on me. Well, she did make someone cry last week. I have to finish up my tests though. I don't want to lag behind. If I can, I will definately take tests 4 and 5 on Monday and 7 and 8 on Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm saving 6 for last because it's very hard. Then there is the final. And a resume. Oh well. I think I will apply to Coney Island Hospital or NY Community Hospital when I get my liscense and try to also do part time work at a nursing home. There is an assited living place by my school. It even looks like my school. Maybe they will hire me. I want to get a position at a hospital only so I can try to get training in phlebotomy and EKG and other things. The more I know the better.

My money situation has not improved. Well, how can it if I ain't working!!! Well, hopefully, my money won't run out before I get my next paycheck. 'Till then its making a can of soup go that "extra" mile, "Carl Budding" sandwiches for lunch and learning to like "Parade" mac and cheese for din din. Yee Haw! I think I'm going to have to quit buying my morning coffee at the corner store for now. Sigh. Good thing this training tires me out. All I do is go there and go home. Nothing to buy. Maybe that is best.

Hmm. There is nothing to talk about... oh wait my cholesterol! It's a nice 185 (optimal <200). My HDL is actually high at 74 mg/dL! My LDL is low at 99mg/dL. My Triglycerides are in the low end of the range of 1 - 200 mg/dL at 59 mg/dL! I am also syphillis free AND my urine drug test was negative... even for caffiene! HA HA HA! I think The test is broken...

Okay, my bones hurt. It's time I took a rest.

:: Jane Dee 4:48:00 PM [+] ::
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Let me clue you in on what I am doing now....

I was confused about the percutaneous endoscopic gastronomy (PEG) tube. The diagram in my book wasn't helping very much. Well here it is. Apparently it is used to check out the stomach by the doc, but in kitty cats, it has the added or other use as a feeding tube (Felix over in the picture doesn't look too happy with his PEG tube :P)

Let's take a look at a colostomy. A colostomy is the surgical creation of a colon. Feces and wastes are excreted through this new opening. Depending on it's location, the feces can be formed or watery. An ileoscopy is performed when the emtire colon is removed (usually because of colon cancer). The stoma (or hole) is made not by the colon (as in the colostomy) but by the ileum, which is the last portion of the small intestine. The feces exreted here are very watery because the job of the colon is to absorb the water in the feces as it passes through it. However, with it gone, it will be as watery as it is. This is not what I am talking about ("hard core" to the max) but this is (check out the ileostomies too)! ooh! Colon surgery!

Next up are peripherally inserted central catheters. Seems that advanced training is needed if a nurse is to perform this type of IV.

:: Jane Dee 5:44:00 PM [+] ::
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Nothing new here

All I have been doing is reading my textbook. Big surprise. Anyway, I wanted to jot some stuff down before I read some more.

What is still annoying me is that my muzak pages are still screwy (at least on my comp). What the hell?! I just don't understand. I uploaded some of those songs to other webpages and they work. What am I paying for anyway? Maybe I should upload more musoc to see if it's still screwy?

So apparently I appear mean by "laughing" at matters that are supposedly "not one to laugh at." Well, I work by saving my emotions for the appropriate time and place. Probably where no one can see or hear me. Not only that, I have a hard time explaining how I really feel about things. On top of that, how I really feel about things are embarssing and painful emotions; I can't tell just anyone. Maybe no one. Maybe I fear no one will understand. Maybe I don't want to be judged. Maybe I don't want to remind myself how things hurt. Maybe I just don't feel like crying anymore. Maybe I just don't want to be sad about it anymore. Some things I just cannot change. Why dwell on stuff that happened or on stuff that may happen later. What good will crying do anyway? Laughing almost feels the same. The stomach contracts in the same way and everything. The only thing missing are the tears. I can deal with that.

humph well I'm going to read. That is always a neutral way to resolve these things.

:: Jane Dee 4:33:00 PM [+] ::
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Whoops!

forgot to publish!

:: Jane Dee 4:08:00 PM [+] ::
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Now that I have an hour or so...

I can update for all of you adoring fans out there!

Two weeks of my CNA training are over with and I am ahead with my skills knowledge and behind on my theory tests. I thought it was hilarious how we sped through a year's worth of anatomy in an hour or so. Well, I only took two test thus far and I plan to catch up this week now that I know how he gives his tests. I need to work harder for this class. I just always want to be the best but sometimes, the best thing is to let someone else be the best. Or maybe not.

So far, The training has been a fun experience. Most of my classmates are from Nigeria. I take the bus there everyday and it is more pleasent than I had imagined. I even took the L train. The views from the window are not the best but it has a charm I can't really explain. I am a bit compelled to explore the area more. I also think it is funny how some of the black people look at me. Even in my class for the first time. Maybe they just don't get to see white people at such close proximity. Like the time I got my hair micro braided, all the braiders at the salon were on my hair at once. They thought my hair wasn't real. Then when I showed them that you can pull it, they all had to try it out. I thought that was very funny. Maybe I will braid my hair again. I was going to do a cornrow type thing last summer, but never got around to it. Maybe this year I will.

I know quite a bit about basic nursing care (as delivered by a CNA). I can perform a bed to wheechair transfer, correctly wash my hands, feed, groom, and perform nair care properly, give a full and partial bedbath, perform perineal care, perform range of motion exercises for upper and lower extremities, perform oral care for those with or without dentures as well as those in a coma, make occupied and unoccupied beds (closed, open and surgical), perform catheter care and record its contents, change position of a person in bed to prevent skin breakdown, take vital measurements, and provide someone with a bedpan. (wow, I think that is all of them!) Well, practice makes perfect... volunteers?

Im sitting here thinking about donuts. I want to make some donuts with my spiffy donut trays. I have a new recipie I want to try out. But I'm too tired. Right now, I should be reading but my head hurts a bit. Well, I did manage to find a funny page on donuts. Visit the homepage for more interesting things.

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well, that was an adventure. Apparently, my cat Coby attacked my sister's canary and broke its leg. I had come downstairs to witness some of the commotion. I was wondering what all the yelling was about. My sister and mother were yelling at each other about what to do. Why my mother was trying to make a splint out of clothespins is beyond me. So, I had come down and ameliorated the problem... I chose toothpicks in gauze. Yes. Seems more reasonable to fashion a splint from slender sticks of wood then a clothespin. Well, after more arguing and me using my patented "I know what I am doing" voice, the bird was prepared a splint and canary straight-jacket. Did I really know what I was doing? Uhm, er, yeah sure of course.... I just hope the splint is tight enough. Well, a resulting limp will be a small price to pay to be saved from the maw of a predator... even if he is very fluffy and cute.... baaaaaaaaad Coby!!

OY! my head! Forget reading, im going to bed. Goodnight.

:: Jane Dee 10:36:00 PM [+] ::
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I've been so busy...

That I forgot to mention the MARS LANDING! (Adults prtending to be kids can go here and here*, ahem). I don't know what this is, so maybe my browser isn't loading the page properly. Also go to the main site for more links and here for up to date info or here for the overview!

*I make special mention to this link because it is very interesting... Perhaps I will send in a rock, but pretend to be a sweet 9 year old girl... Well, if you have a kid, tell them to do this. (AND its sent ASU! SHAZAAM!!)

Hmmm... "robot geologists" huh? hee hee!

In other news, my NLN went well. My arm hurts from all those calculations but I'm young and have excellent fine motor control. I only guessed one question from the math section because of time constraints (waaaaay too many alogorithms to do without a calculator), but overall, I did well. Now I just sit back and wait for my acceptance letter, lol :P

Now what is left to do... I need to purchase white stockings to complete my uniform. I'm not big on spending anything right now, but what am I going to do? Lately I have been having trouble focusing on what is important, only because I have so many worries and concerns and problems, etc, that one minute I feel like I am going to make it and the next minute I feel impending doom. I'm sure once I finish up my CNA and get a job, I will feel a bit better. The only problem is that I have to make some pretty heavy decisions once that comes. One of them is if I want to move out of my house.

It's not that I don't want to move, but I had specific plans that I wanted to see come to fuition while im doing the nursing. I realize now that many of those plans are not going to happen and now new plans must be implemented. Let me give you a rundown on what it is I wanted to happen:

First, I would get a job (note that I said job, which I assumed would be a minimum wage, menial thing). Then after working many hours this winter, I would have some money saved for school to pay and buy books, assuming that my mother would help me pay for some or most of it. I would continue to work and go to school while living at home and doing nursing until I graduate which would be when I get my RN. During the two years, I would have saved up enough money to squat in Arizona for a month to look for a position as an RN and find myself a place to live to which I would leave a deposit. I would then go back home, buy a car, pack up and leave for Arizona. That was the plan. However, I forgot just who my family is.

I noticed my bank account was looking rather, uh, slim, and I was beginning to get worried. I had too many things to buy for school. My mother did agree to help with school so that was a relief - at first. I then did some calculations.... and then started to panic. Apparently, I cannot afford school (especially the nursing with no financial aid whatsoever), the cost of living (to which I can say I only get room and, and, water in my house), and the "luxury" to save something to move and buy a car... it just was not going to happen on menial wages. Not only that, the dynamics of my family are, well, not very dynamic and lets just say I always feel as if something bad will happen and I will not be "comfortable". I may be alive, but I may have to sleep on the street. Well, I'm not going to talk about the details of my current situaton but it's pretty rough. Well, me being all resourceful made me think up a new plan, even if I ain't liking it.

Hopefully, this CNA training will help me realize "Plan A" and that I will be able to pay for school (by myself) and save what I want to save. However, a new twist in this saga brings me to the new question: Am I strong enough to stay in this house anymore? It would be too long to explain how I feel, but it's likened to a jogger running and running and slowing down and using his last resources to keep going (we won't even discuss what he is running for) and in order to keep going, has to use his little bits of resources to find new ones. All the while fearing his strength will cave in. Well, that is the gist of it. So that nakes me think "Should I move?" Lou was hinting she wants to move and that we may be able to do it together. It's been stirring in the back of my head for quite sometime now. Well, if I do move, maybe I'll move to Canarsie (lol, I'm serious!). It's a direct route to school and I'm sure it's cheap. They also have this restaurant called "de Islands" that I want to try out. Well, it's just a thought. I menat what else is there? Avenue U? Probably. If anything, I want to rent someone's basement. Those are much nicer than living in a squalid apartment building (no offense to your man Lou :P) and they are pretty cheap. Well, I guess we'll see. How about I pass my state exama nd get a job first, eh?

The rest of today should be pretty fun. I am going to go to the weigh in at the discovery channel store (see below) for the weight loss challenge. Like I said, I'm not going to lose weight, my goal would be to bulk up.

Oh lordy, this entry is way too long. I should stop it here. No wait, let me say this: if anything comes up, you'll be the first to know. Okay I'm stopping here.

:: Jane Dee 12:32:00 PM [+] ::
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Waaa! I want a mommy!!!

I am very stressed. And to think I was going to have a leisurely winter. Pffft! Looks like I forgot just what my life is all about. Anyway, I started my CNA training and at first it was rough, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. I have my physical on monday and hopefully, the results will come back soon so I can do my externship at the nursing home. I also have to remember to get my HepB vaccination. Either way, it shouldn't push me back more than a week. I hope that students in my class will go when I go. Either way, I like the whole aspect of the job and I should do well for the state examination. I'm trying not to stress too much about it because I do have all of February to finish up and apply for jobs.

But I've been dizzy lately, probably due to dehydration. I guess I'm not that good at taking care of myself lately. It's been a rough start to a year I thought was going to be good. Well, hopefully, my affairs will either settle down or go away. I'm hoping that most just go away.

Tomorrow is my NLN and I just finished up going over some stuff for it. I should do well. It's not a very hard test. Well, at least for me it osn't a very hard test. Well, if I don't do well, I will be pretty mad. I'm hoping I get in and get my RN as soon as I can. I need to have my foundation and get out of this place.

Well, I guess I should go to bed. No sense in getting no sleep the day before an important test when I can have at least 5.

Good night.

:: Jane Dee 9:04:00 PM [+] ::
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I REALLY Should be Sleeping...

But I ain't so let's see what's going on here.

Here is something interesting! I want to join the Discovery Channel's "National Body Challenge" on January 10th! The closest weigh-in is at the Roosevelt field mall in the Discovery Channel store. Hmm. The only problem is that I don't think that I need to lose much weight. Well, maybe my goal will be to "bulk up." Yeah, that way I can hoist the elderly from the bed to the chair with on arm (think King Kong).

Okay this military link was totally out of the blue (no pun intended). What kind of marketing gimmick is this anyway? Read: "The Military: We're Nice Now" EHHHHHH?

Hey Lou look, spicy meatballs... they look good, no?

ohhhhh, i better get to bed. silly me. I'm so "undisciplined" when it comes to getting to bed on time.

:: Jane Dee 11:32:00 PM [+] ::
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