:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::


Welcome! This blog is Retired. However, you may still enjoy some of the finer pages of vintage online ramblings out there! Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log, people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like. Blog officially retired 02.14.2021

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:: 12.27.2006 ::

HOLY MACARONI!!! I PASSED!!!!

I Got My CDL-A!!!!!

I am extremely happy! NOW I can finally get started on a career! The only problem is that I will not get reimbursed until I am actually offered a trailor position at Fedex. Hopefully, I will get one soon because I am out a couple thousand dollars!! This also means that I will have to use tuition reimbursement money from the 2007 year so that means that I cant get any tuition money towards my MBA schooling until 2008. This may not be so bad in that I may have to first go to a crappy place to drive then transfer to another station near a school I like. We'll see. Right now, my main focus is getting a job. Tomorrow I will go to the DMV to take my last endorsement test, then go back again next week to officially get my license. Some driver dude from JFK Informed me that there will be some open position soon, so I must keep an eye out for that.

I STILL cant believe I passed! Holy Cow!

GO me! GO ME!!

Today I have a long day at work, so I better eat something and get ready to go.

So can I now officially say "Keep on truckin'!" ??

HAHAAHHAHHAHAAAA

:: Jane Dee 3:47:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 12.26.2006 ::
HONK If You're Nervous!

HOOOOONNNNKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

It's 2:21am and although my bedtime is not usually 'till 3:30am, I don't foresee sleep in the near future. I AM SO FREAKIN' NERVOUS/ANXIOUS/EXCITED about what Lou called my "Mack Truck Driving Test." OMG the truck has a little mack dog on the hood!! (Not that one in the link, silly, this one is more like it)

I went over my pre-trip and air-brake test in my brain before.

My test is on Long Island. Probably right near where I used to work.

I definitely don't want to stall, though I made every conscious effort not to stall (well, not more than twice so I don't fail).

Hills (upgrades) kill me. I go into overdrive in my head and focus all my energy to make sure I DO NOT ROLL BACK. I get exhausted after a hill.

Though I have only bumped the curb once, I definitely don't want to on the road test. When I park I switch on the "PARKING PROGRAM" and follow through methododically. (is that a word?)

Speaking of words, I bought a 2007 Scrabble calendar filled with 365 scrabble puzzles. I've done all the puzzles through February 4th. With the help of the answer key of course, har har. I like Scrabble, but I wish I was "more better" in vocabulary. I need to brush up on, er, correction, build up, my vocabulary if I want to do well on the GMAT.

UNLAME is not an acceptable Scrabble word, but UNLICKED is. How?? How does one UNLICK something?? Oh lord, I need to keep playing Scrabble.

I think Lou's Pecan Pie made my skin itchy. Either that or I am more nervous than I think.

I have to "wake up" at 0800. 8AM People!! It's almost 3! I have no idea what to eat in the morning. I should eat a quesedilla. Not sure if that will work with coffee. I always feel like crap when I have to wake up so early. I am not a morning person. Don't plan on becoming one either unless it means salaried position at something cool.

Im hoping I pass because those jobs at JFK are coming soon. I NEED THIS. ARGGHHHHH!!!

Ive "thunk" myself to sleep! Im going to bed. Goodnite!!

Bonne chance, mucho lucko, bueno suerte, yadda yadda, all that jazz.

Tomorrow could quite possibly be the best day of my life. I should shut up. I dont want to jinx myself or something equally annoying.

NITE!!

:: Jane Dee 12:21:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 12.25.2006 ::
HO HO HO, Merry Christmas Mon!!

Hey it's Christmas Day and I am very excited because my road test is tomorrow!! I hope I pass. Then I can get a nice new job! Whee!

My birthday also passed and I got some great things! I got a cake from a few friends at my job (pineapple filling! Yum!) I got a perfume kit and a swanky pair of earrings that perfectly match this English ruby necklace replica I got from the museum. For christmas I got more perfume, chocolates, filet mignon, and a hat. Im still waiting on some stuff, so I will see what I get later.

Other than that, not much else is going on. I am definately excited about the road test. A coworker informed that a couple of truckers were retiring and thus two poitions would be opening up very soon. I would be so happy if I was able to stay here and work out of JFK because then I can move to Long Island and have a lot of schools to choose from. But then again, my rank is low so if someone else puts in for it and has a higher number, they may be considered. However, this guy was telling me that if ten people ahead of you have permits, but you have the license, they will take you over all of them. Im keeping my fingers crossed!!!! I want to finish this license this year so I can use the tuition money next year in case I am ready to start school next fall. I doubt I will be ready, but maybe I will be insipred or score good on the GMAT.

All this means that next year will be awesome! All my dreams will have come true finally - no more school, a great job, me finally moving out (I HOPE!!!) and starting on my way to a great career and/or grad school experience and new USEFUL degree. I cant wait. :)

So I hope everyone out there has a great holiday and new year, and I will see you soon, hopefully with some good news and a new license!

P.S.: I only have one more endorsement test to take (combination vehicles) and I will have ALL endorsements on my license!!! WHEEE!!!

:: Jane Dee 1:36:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 12.15.2006 ::
Hey Laa, Hey Laa, My VAIO's Back!!!

Finally! My VAIO Has been fixed and I am officially online and ready for action!

I have a LOT of catching up to do, especially on that webpage of mine. I really need to change it around. It's been basically the same for years now. I wonder what I should do.

Well, in any case, I am very excited to tell you that my ROAD TEST for my CDL-A is December 26! Hurrah!!!! I hope I pass because I want to get a new job ASAP. I was sorta offered a position at my current station, but I think it would pay less. I guess I will see how it goes, but as of now, I am going foward with my trucking. I should have put in for a full time gig in New Orleans, but those always pop up. That and Atlanta. I would prefer Tennessee, but I don't think my ranking is high enough yet.

Other than that, I dont have much else going on. I have to wrap up my change and deposit it, if that counts as something, lol. I also have to get new eyeglasses tomorrow. Monday I go to the dentist.

Oh yeah, I think one of my friends forgot my birthday - AHEM. I guess I will send a friendly reminder when I send the Christmas gift.

Well, I like my refurbished VAIO. Now Im going to play tetris fusion.

:: Jane Dee 12:50:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 12.04.2006 ::
BRRRR!!!! Its cold in here living room!!!

Welcome to December! This month, I turn 26 and start on my quest for the "good job."

This month already started with a bang. Make that a bang to my bank accounts. I spent so much money on myself this month that after paying off all my bills, I will have a record low checking account since 2003. Of course that is just my checking account. Im not including my savings which looks ok to me. Har har. ANYWAY, I am very excited about this month because of many things:

First and foremost is my birthday. I have bought/received so many great gifts that I can be happy for many months to come. Which is good because I have to be on saving mode if I want to go anywhere good for vacation. I also want to finally get started on losing some weight, so my eating out spending will decrease dramatically. I must return to cooking meals at home and buying things at the supermarket.

Ive not received all my gifts from people, but I bought myself lots of clothes and jewelry, beads to make jewelry, shoes and other crap I don't need. I know I will be receiving a cashmere sweater and Givenchy perfume set from a very special person. THANK YOU!!!!!!!! The sweater will be awesome! :) Then comes Christmas! Im excited because I got some nice gifts for my friends. I cant wait to see what they think hehehe!

Anyway, Im very excited about the CDL-A as well. I have been doing well on the truck that I think I can pass my road test on the first try. I got my pre-trip inspection down, Im almost up to par on my 4 point air-brake test, and I only have to get better clutch control. Im so EXCITED! I hope I get a job in a nice place. I wouldnt mind JFK, but that will be unlikely given my ranking. When I get my license, I have to check out b-schools again and pick some choice cities in case they pop up. I can't wait.

Not much else has been going on in the meantime. Im waiting for my vaio to come back from the service center and I will be working on getting that up and running for a while. I also hope I can continue updating my webpage soon. Ive so many new pictures I want to uplaod but CANT. I also think my webpage really needs to be revamped. I am just not sure I need all those pages you know? My life isnt as exciting as it once was. I am also not as awake for as long as I used to be. I am sleeping regularly now so that takes an extra 3-4 hours of "online time" away. Not that I am upset about it. I like sleeping like a normal human being.

Hm, thats about it for now. Besides, Im freezing. I should go to my snuggly bed.

:: Jane Dee 12:02:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 11.24.2006 ::
Lots 'O News!!

Hurrah!

Great things have been happening lately and I am very excited! First off, I have finished ALL my holiday/birthday shopping as of today. The only one on the list that is left is ME... although I have already treated myself to some new wool shirts, I am thinking about one last thing for myself. Its a pretty pastel pearl bracelet I saw in a catalogue. I will continue to think about it.

Next in news is that I FINALLY sent ,y VAIO out for repair. I sent it via Fedex ina special computer box. Sony hasn't called me with the verdict yet, but when they do, I will definately ask them to use my shipping account for the return trip home. I want overnight delivery. I don't want my precious VIAO in a shipping can longer than necessary.

And now for the even more stupendous news::::: I started driving the tractor trailors!! YIPPEE!!! I started my training last week. I learned how to drive the clutch on a straight truck first then I moved on to "the big dog" as they call it in my school. I'm pretty good too! I was pleasently surprised. I hope I can get my road test by the end of this year so I can get my reimbursement from my job. Then I am off to a better job! YAYYY!!!!

But that is about all the crazy news I have. Not much else has been going on except for work and shopping. I guess that is a good thing. The only thing I think about is that this month (or is it technically next month?) marks the one year away from school mark and boy am I ever so happy school is a thing of the past. Well, stupid school anyway. I think its hilarious that my "alma mater" solicits me to donate money to their alumni society. HA! They are barking up the wrong tree. My mother suggested I send them a leftover 500 peso note from our last trip to Mexico. LOLLOLOL!!!!!!

Speaking of Mexico, once my birthday rolls by, I will begin to save up for my two vacations I have coming up. I am taking one trip to Mexico (most likely Mexico City... again... in the ghost hotel) and the other to a sunny destination. I am thinking cruise. However, I will settle for a trip to the Carribean. If not, maybe I will go back to San Diego or something. But I am definately going to Mexico.

After I get my new job as a "Ramp Transport Driver" (i.e., tractor-trailor driver for Fedex) I will begin my quest for grad school. Depending on where I land my first tractor job, I may consider school around that area, but I am not limiting myself to that. After 18 months, I would be able to transfer anywherehiring again. There are a lot of options. But that is the general, overall, big plan. After I get my license and get my new position, I will be studying for the GMAT and taking it sometime next year. I will then use that preliminary score to judge what schools I can get into and then start a tour of potential schools culminating into a great choice (most likely a private school) which will have elements of: me being able to keep my job, living in a great place, fabulous school environment, and fabulous school curriculum. The curriculum may not be in logistics, but I will settle for operations if it seems interesting enough or I am able to do it.

So now I must eat some leftover turkey. Then go to work. Oh joys!!

:: Jane Dee 3:31:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 11.12.2006 ::
Must Fix VIAO

Its been almost two months since my VAIO went crazy and Ive not fixed it yet. I think I need to do this fixing business on Monday. I just can't stand this computer downstairs.

So in the meantime, I went to Niagara Falls, had some fun, bought some souveniers and played some slots (on sacred Seneca land btw). I wish I could post up some of the footage, but like I said before, my VAIO is still broken. But I got a lot of good footage just so you know.

So what's new for me? Hm, not much. No good jobs have come up lately, but I did figure out how to do the tuition reimbursement at my job. So finally I can go and get my CDL-A and get my money back! Now all I have to do is figure out how to get my reimbursement for my CDL-C and we're in business. I am going to see my manager this week about the newest reimbursement and see what the progress is on the old reimbursement. I have a feeling I will have to ask the senior manager about getting my money cuz I need to fix my computer!!!! Dang it!!!

There is a full time shuttle position opening up in Ronkonkoma. I think I will put in for it. Why the hell not you know? I doubt I'll get it but whatever. I have nothing else going for me and when peak comes, I cant go anywhere anyway until January.

I am getting bummed about not having a real job (i.e., a job with a nice title. Shuttle Driver/CDL hardly makes the cut). I want to move away already but I don't think it's going to happen just yet. Ugh! There has to be a job coming up soon! Preferably in a different area, har har.

Bah, Im just rambling now. See you in a month, hehe.

:: Jane Dee 2:02:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 10.19.2006 ::
God Wants Me to Finish the CDL

Unfortunately, I did not get that coveted instructor position. It was given to some dude who has an employee number 300,000 people before me. That roughly translates to about 8 - 10 years with the company. Not only that, he worked at an airport already, most likely working the GSE equiptment. Sigh. I didnt have a chance.

So lets see. Ive been trying to use this bachelors degree to no avail. Ive had better luck with the Associates. Ugh!

Sometimes, I wish I'd had finished the math degree, but then, where would that take me anyway.

So now that there won't be any more instructor positions (around here anyway) in the next year or so, what the hell do I do? Do I get a CDL position and get a job on the side or so I try for an HR position and get a CDL job on the side? Should I inquire about the fellowship? Do I get training for something or go back to school?

I suppose I wont be doing much thinking on this topic this weekend since I will supposedly be having fun. I guess I can call my rejecting manager on Monday to find out what I can do to strengthen my application. Im sure he will say "well, working in the field sure helps." UGH!

Somedays are just no fun.

:: Jane Dee 1:16:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 10.18.2006 ::
Still Waiting

So no word back yet on about the job. This is utter torture. I had a dream this morning that I was accepted for the position, but I think that is wishful thinking. The more time passes, the less I think I got the job. All I can think of is that someone else opened up their offer letter and is now sending it back, making the rest of us losers wait for our rejection letters. Sigh.

In other news, my computer is still broken because I have not sent it away yet. I am awaiting the answer first so I can better evaluate my monetary reserves. Getting accepted for this job will make fixing the computer a top priority, but being rejected will make it secondary to getting my CDL. I definatly need to move on and I need to do it soon. I just fear that I will have to get acrappier job in the meantime. We'll see, I guess.

Nothing else is new except that I am going to Niagara Falls this weekend with Lou. The forcast doesnt seem to look good for meteor viewing but it looks okay for the foliage. I have to take a different route to catch some better foliage. So I think what I will do is take a different route so we can see the foliage on the way there. Then that night, if the clouds disperse, we can see the meteor shower because the peak isnt too late at about 1 - 2am. Then we can wake up the next day and go sightseeing at the Falls and if that doesnt take all day then we can go to the outlet malls (lol) and other places of tourism. The next day we can do the same.

Hopefully, if I am to be rejected the letter comes on Friday when Im not there :)

:: Jane Dee 2:32:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 10.13.2006 ::
Coo-Coo Cha-Cha

So now that my interview is over, I await the decision. I AM SO NERVOUS! No matter what people keep telling me about how they will pick me, I just feel like they won't. I don't think I did bad, I just think someone did better than me.

What makes me think this way? Well, when I walked in, the hiring manager asked me if I needed anything like powerpoint setup. All I could think was "SHIT! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE DONE POWERPOINT!!!!!!!" BUt I just prepared packets for everyone that included my resume and a printout of my presentation. I hope that didnt turn them off too much. I am also worried that someone will be picked because they have more years in the company. He said that more senior people may apply but they may still not be the best fit. UGHHH!!!!

This is like waiting for a death sentence.

So now I am already planning for the worst and figuring out what to do when (NOT IF!!!) I am rejected. I am not sure. I am definately going to get the CDL-A but I am not sure if I would apply for a driving position or try to get the fellowship from the Board of Education. I am not particulary fond of working in South Shore high school, but I need to get the wheels turning here. I feel so useless at this point.

Well, I guess there is nothing I can do now but wait...

Im going to drink coffee.

:: Jane Dee 2:25:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 10.09.2006 ::
Holy Fizz

Can you believe that I actually got an interview for a real job on Wednesday? I can't! Im so excited! I have an interview for a travelling instructor position! How cool is that? Looks like my stint with teaching paid off somehow! For this interview, I have to go to Newark and give a five minute presentation in front of some managers. I have to call an HR rep tomorrow to get some tips, but that is basically it. They will then ask me questions and then I will have a writing assignment, probably to see if I am literate in English. So I decided that my presentation will be on my job and what you need to have to do the job and what is required on the job. Blah blah you know?

Im sure if I dont get it I will be very bummed. A job like this will not rollaround again for maybe a couple years. I just hope that I get it.

I even went out and bought a new crisp white shirt from Bannana Republic (is it just me or is that store name totally dumb?). I have everything set... I had recently bought a new suit (yeah one that fits finally... hard to believe Im a size 6) and shoes (naturalizers of course) so Im all good in that department. I have a nice lightweight wool 3/4 length coat I wore to my visit to Yale (lol) and I have plenty of new make-up to wear in case dark circles appear under my eyes from all the non-sleeping mayhem.

WOOOOOO!

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I have to get to work early to sort out my presentation. I am currently using a loaner laptop which didn't come with MS Word so I installed one of my old copies and it will only work 50 more times until I have to register it. Yeah well, Im sure I'll be done by then.

Some bad news: I apparently threw out my old iPhoto Plus 1.2 program! Dang! That was the best photo editor Ive ever encountered. So now, when my HD is erased, I can't use iPhoto Plus anymore, I'll have to use Photo Explosion or whatever silly name they give to it now. I installed it on the loaner and it works allright but I can't stand the "easy to use visual interface" because everything has a damn picture. Some companies expect their customers to be very stupid indeed. My old program was great. They didn't waste space with stupid pictures... how much more straightfoward can you be with "Rotate left, Rotate right, and 90, 180 degrees???? SHHEEEEEESH

Well, I guess thats all for now. I just figured I'd recap my life before I dissappear for another week or so. Hopefully, my interview will go well and I can give you some good news about it later on.

Now, Im going to sleep. Gotta buy folders and stuff tomorrow!

:: Jane Dee 12:24:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 10.05.2006 ::
Too Lazy to Fiz Anything

No people, I have not fixed the VAIO yet. I don't know when I will, but I assume by next week. I hope they can fix it without charging me too much. Maybe I should have traded it in when I thought... nah, I like my computer too much.

Anyway, tomorrow I have to call up a manager that Ive been in contact with about a position Ive applied for. It was crazy these past couple of days because I got rejected from one in Memphis because I hadn't included the ENTIRE "performance review" so since I didn't care much for that job, I took that opportubity to call up the ither bid I put in and explain how my package may not be complete... well, several phone calls later, I was qualified, disqualified, then qualified again... IF he gets the rest of the review which I had sent to him overnight. He said that if he got that, I would be able to come for an interview and that he would email me... today. Well, today has come and gone and Ive no email. I guess the only thing I have left to do is call him tomorrow and ask if he got the review. Then maybe he can throw in whether or not Im still qualified or now disqualified and if I am qualified, when to come in for that interview. If I get an interview, I would have to pay a visit to some woman who works in HR on Long Island to sorta prep me for the interview. I have no clue as to what goes on and my doubt grows everyday that I am even qualified at all. I just hope this guy is in tomorrow and I hope he got my package and I hope he gives me an appointment.

AARRRGGHH!!!!

This has been a stressful week. Among other things.

Right now I am very tired. I was up early today to go "on the road" so I can have SOME idea as to what goes on in Courier world. It certainly helped me become more doubtful as to how well I can score this job or even do it. Maybe I am too ambitious. I mean, should I wait to have more experience in the company? I mean, whats the diff anyway? Staying longer certainly won't help make me any more knowledgable especially if I have no choice but to stay in my present job. Eh. We'll see. It cant hurt at this point.

Im going to bed. My eyes are so tired. I hope he picks up tomorrow. Im dying to know what the verdict is. :S

:: Jane Dee 11:00:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 9.03.2006 ::
Haterade!

Thats a funny slang word!

Anyway, Labor Day is here and Ive just got over a horrible migrainous week (yes I had a migraine all week since Sunday... the only day of relief was Thursday) and top top it all off, yesterday I had a horrible allergy fit that made me feel like life was over...

So anyway, now that I am able to know where I am, I can type up something of interest, though it may only be interesting to me. After watching a DVD of NASA astronauts, I became somewhat depressed of my past hopes and dreams. I used to want to be an astronaut and I was going to see what needed to be done. I was to join the Air Force and do whatever I could to be a pilot and then apply to be an astronaut. Of course, I learned that I am basically handicapped in all aspects of USAF piloting and astronautical endeavors. I am blind, I am too short, I am a woman (which has its negativities in the case of piloting for the military), and as of recently, I learned I am too dumb or just plain disadvantaged in the area of academics. First, I learned I cannot do physics. Okay, I guess I knew that from the start, but why not give it a shot. I learned I really DID hate EE all along and was not just hating it because my father was/is one. Don't like chemistry or biology enough (though I was keen on physiology) and the only thing I had left was math... well we all know how that turned out. When I had decided to try nursing I knew then and there all aspirations of ever being an astronaut were gone. Nursing is not a science and is not an acceptable filed of study for NASA astronaut selection. Well, neither is psychology, but I never expected to gian anything from that except a stamp that says "B.S. [insert major here]." To this day, when people ask me what my major is/was I always include my math degree (if you can call it that).

So now on the eve of Labor Day (which has a significance in that it was the last holiday before the school year started) I am here pondering the facets of my life that have led to me to where I am today and asking the five W's and the one H of some events. I have not discovered any new information folks. Life is what it is and though I may be a virtual cripple in the areas I most desire (or used to desire most), I am confident that someday, somehow, I will obtain some satisfaction in my accomplishments. I have no place in the sky nor do I have a place in space or even sweeping the crap out of the bathrooms at Johnson Space Center. I have resigned from all those dreams many years ago and though I may be nostalgic about those hopes (and not about school as you have read in a previous post), I looked deep into my heart and asked what else if not the sky and the jet fumes could make me just as happy? Is there anything that is a close second?

The answer is not nursing! Let's get something straight. I went to nursing to train to get a job because I was in the dumps and I had nothing. I was too depressed to go back to "real" school because I hated it and I had no clue as to what to take. I wanted a science degree and it just was not working out. I wanted to run away some how; I wanted to be absorbed into something, much like a druggie needs to be absorbed in his crack to feel at least like a third of a human being. The worse things got, the more I studied and it was great. Then when it was time to start being a nurse, all hell broke loose. IT SUCKED! "I don't want to do this! I want to read books and get As!!" All the mending I did took a turn for the worst. I glorified something I knew nothing about and made it look, to myself, as if it were something to be desired. I looked at nursing with beer goggles on when deep down inside I was ashamed of it and felt stupider the more I wore that damn nurse dress. I hated saying I was a Kingsborough Nurse.... I shuddered and it made my stomach turn. I was not this! I was someone who worked with her hands yes, but not like this! Every aspect of the "career" seemed like a dead end. It was interesting to be in the medical field but I would have hardly any power and I am NOT about to spew out "my gosh, nursing has its roots inthe history of the universe and everyone has the power to summon that energy to heal and prevent and I can show you with a nursing method that channels energy from the body and displaces from the sick parts to the healthy parts"

WHAAAAAATT!???? EXCUSE ME???

Oh no she didnt.... I wasnt aware that nursing has its root in Kabbalah or the Seven African Powers!

Now, when I started the nursing thing I said "if this doesn't work, I am nothing and that means nothing else is going to work." When I left nursing I said "This is shit and if I think Im going to believe there is nothing else, then I will just have to drive trucks!!!" So I went back to real school and looked over every science (B.S.) major they had and said there HAD to be something in here I can do and it was between chemistry, psychology and geology. I ruled out geology because it would take longer than chemistry or psycholgy. I went to the KCC library and looked at all the textbooks for the chemistry classes and psychology classes. I said "Do you REALLY want to study this [bio-chemistry]?" I must have looked through the chem books for an hour before I said "no." I mean, look how much easier psychology is than chemistry! I was like "Come on, pick something EASY! Pick something you can get out fast with and then, you can always go back to get another degree, like a real one."

Then I pondered the idea of med school... that went bust quick enough. The disadvantaged background I spoke of earlier comes into play here. I just do not have enough money and patience to audit all those classes and then study like mad to do well on the MCAT. Though I dont think I would do bad, I would be waking up at 5am to drive all the way to Queens (the only cheap place I can audit) and study most likely seven days a week. That kind of schedule only works when I am depressed people. I am not fond of two hour night sleeps anymore, especially now that I had a driving job.

Oh yes, the driving job. I seemed to have got off the topic a bit. I was supposed to tell you what was a close second! Apparently, I had "accidently" discovered I liked other machines besides planes, namely trucks. Its difficult to think people will pay you to drive something somewhere. I mean, thats a lot of fun you know?? So fastforward to my job now and I discover that you can be hired to drive their tractor-trailors. Not only that, my new destination for grad school fits right in because I can also be a manager for these things! So what's a girl to do?

She applies for a tractor-trailor position in San Diego! (hey Im ranked #1 for now)

Of course, I still have to get my CDL-A, ahem. But not to worry, I don't suppose I will fail the test, I just hope I can pass it in time. I will check on my status at work on Tuesday, and if I am still #1, I need to get the steppin' on that license. What's cool about the job is that you get three full weeks of paid training somewhere and they pay for the hotel and meals and all that.

Then when I dominate the road I will become a manager and with my MBA, I will get paid so much money as a "fleet manager" I will say "take that blind-y!" Of course, blind-y would be myself and though I am grateful for whatever vision I have left, I would really be saying HA to making the most out of my situation. I do realize that this would not be an issue for someone else because they probably could care less about flying and being an astronaut. Maybe they just care about being on MTV. God bless simplicity.

Oh yeah, I think I need to lower my cholesterol.

:: Jane Dee 10:59:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 8.29.2006 ::
Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaa, I Don't Got No Schooooool!!

As you can see, the no school thing is a recurring theme for me nowadays.

So here I am, re-painting my nails and pondering about my future... Where will I move, what will I become and when will I become it? People tend to have high expectations for me, which is good in some ways, but is bad in other ways. I mean, what if I like the mediocre after all? Is there really a difference between mediocre and just being happy doing what is comfortable?

I recently received some "tips" on how to land a truck job faster at JFK (or I suppose any station you truly desire) and wonder if it is really that necessary. I wouldn't mind moving away for a bit and working somewhere else all while retaining some familiarity. So although I did appreciate his inside info, I did want to spread my wings a bit.

Maybe I should go to the DMV this week to renew my permit before it expires. I should also start my training within two weeks. I hope this time, I wind up in a better place than the other trades I've paid for.

I also got rid of my nurse shoes. Now I have to find some way to get rid of my nurse uniforms. I also have a dress. Sheesh. Maybe I should give them to the salvation army. All I know is that I won't be needing them anytime soon. Its cloudy, rainy days like this that make me wonder if everything happens for a reason. Then I say, well, maybe some things happen for no reason other than helping you gain wisdom. I guess that isn't always the most desirable reason though. I would forsake "wisdom" from that era for "action" and "results" but I think I am better off this way.

Big decisions need a clear reason why and real desire and faith.

Well, anyway, if anyone out there needs a size 8 nurse dress and pants and small size top and skirt, let me know!

:: Jane Dee 1:35:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 8.23.2006 ::
Not Nostalgic Con't...

So as I was saying, I was going to go away to see the fall foliage, but I took a quick look at what I could do and I saw that I get get a triple play! Here's how:

1)Going upstate during the Orinids allows me to see the Orinids because its a wee bit darker there than Long Island.

2)Going upstate during the Orinids also allows me to see the fall foliage IF I go to the right area. During the Orinids, the area at peak is a "Zone 4" area, which includes the Niagra Falls area...

3)So, going upstate, I can now see the Orinids, the fall foliage AND Niagra Falls all in one shot!

I can make it a grand slam by using a personal day(s) instead of a vacation day(s) and GET PAID to go there and have a ball, and STILL have my full vacation days available! That means I can go there on a weekday instead of a weekend, so I can better use my points for the free nights. YES!

My life gets better each day!

In other good news, I finally took my HAZMAT! And I passed! Now all I have to do is hope I get reimbursed soon (my job is supposed to shell out the $233 I shelled out to get these endorsements) and that's it! Now, I have an X endorsement which means I can drive hazmat/tanker! Next stop CDL-A! Then, I can get those awesome airport jobs that make my mouth water!!!!!

So here is my theory: We will never have flying cars and thus, trucks will always be needed even if they are powered by something other than diesel. Why? Well, lets see... the new form of terrorism is in the air... and currently you need a million flying hours to get even a small license. Now if flying was the new mode of transportation, the government would have to regulate it and that would mean too much money because now every one would have to get so much practice and fingerprinted and all that nonsense to prevent terror and just random acts of violence... e.g., some guy hates you so he will crash his car-plane into your house like a kamakasi-taliban-add-another-suicide-terror-thingy-here style attack. Bombs would be soooo 20th century and not only that, new gangs could form and do an attack on a rival gang or just a neighborhood to be in control by dousing your house with flammable solvents in one car-plane then another car-plane comes and throws a flaming rag on top of that... Not to mention "drunk flying!" Look at all the damage and death drunk drivers do on the ground already! Imagine what damage they can do while flying in the air! Accidently crashing into Midtown Manhattan! Accidently crashing into my house and blowing it up! HELLLOOOO!!!! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Unless we find a way to make all humans nice, the ground will be the way to go... oh and how will you transport HAZMAT in the air?? Come on now, you know how many regulations companies like FEDEX have just because they allow HAZMAT? PFFT! Look folks, getting a CDL-A still sounds like a good investment to me.

Okay Im done making a fuss.

Now I have to attempt to upload a ton of pictures to finally finish updating my webpage. Yes Im about a month off schedule...

:: Jane Dee 12:54:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 8.21.2006 ::
Not Nostalgic At ALL

August is almost over and you know what that used to mean... SCHOOL! But wait a minute! I don't have to go to school... what you say? Thats right! This is my FIRST EVER FALL "SEMESTER" where I have not one care about school. No more lamenting about what I am doing no more "oh lord, I wish it were over" because I AM DONE.

I think I will celebrate with the
"FIRST ANNUAL WHOO HOO! NO SCHOOL! CAMPOVER"

Yes...

I will plan a trip sometime between the last week of August and the last week of November. This year, I will plan it during the Orinids. This campover will celebrate my release from public school shackles and the culmination of required school. Because, from here on, I don't have to go to any school I dont want to and no school has to take me. I have "all rights and priveledges" to persue a career or go back to school or live on welfare. The choice is mine. I don't have to worry about the registrar or the dean of whatever school and making all sorts of crazy arrangements. HA HA HA HA !!!!

Okay so this year, I can finally use up my free nights and stay somehwere nice. I was thinking I would go upstate so I can catch the meteors AND the fall foliage.

hmm... hold that thought

:: Jane Dee 2:21:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 8.09.2006 ::
Scheduling My Hazmat

So I guess I lied again about when I would be finished updating my webpage. I said I would be done last month. Pfft! Well, not to say that I am that far behind, but I still have a ways to go... I mean after seeing all the pictures Ive never posted, dang! Thats the problem with digital pictures: you can take a million pictures, and you have to do is upload them. Well, easier said than done when you literally take a million pictures. And the new Sony camera I got is not any easier. Since I can take higher resolution photos, I now have to fix my pictures so that I can upload them in a smaller size. Sheeeesh!

Well, in other news, I was also supposed to finish up my Hazmat last week. I didn't So I said next week. Well, Im not sure about that because Ive not studied for it lately. I did before, when I was all prepared and ready to take it. Now, I dont know. I will take it though because when I do, I get an (X) endorsement which means I can drive Tankers and Hazmat, even at the same time!

Then I will be off to get my CDL-A! Yes, Ive decided to get it even though times are rough with all the fuel problems and there is no certainty to this. Ive finally learned what the job title for trailer drivers are and I am very excited to know that there ARE available spots for trailer drivers all the time! And with that, I think I can be very happy. I just have to find out what school to go to. I wanted to go to a school in Babylon, but maybe the driving schools near my job will be cheaper. Most of my co-workers who took the CDL-A Course went to a school about four blocks from my job. My A permit expires soon, but you can renew the permit for another year only for $20 or so. So great! When I go in to take my Hazmat, I will renew my permit because even if I take the courses now, Im pretty sure it will expire by the time my road test comes around.

YAY! Something I want to work for! Things that motivate are very cool.

:: Jane Dee 12:30:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 8.07.2006 ::
Jobs

So how did all of a sudden I get caught up in a job search? Im supposed to be thinking about grad school. However, ever since I applied to YAI (which did not work out by the way) Ive been continuing faxing and applying for reasons I am not quite sure of. I did find a couple of cool places Id like to work and I suspect I will call one of them to see if they got my mailed resume. Other than that, I have no idea why I am looking. I wasnt going to start looking until next year.

whatever, who cares about this??

Not I says me.

I DID however find out what the job is called to drive the 18-wheeler for Fedex. So that means that I will try to get my CDL-A a 'lil faster. I only have my permit thus far and I have to go to the DMV this week to take my Hazmat test, so I will ask them about my permit that is supposed to expire next month. Do you know how cool it would be to drive a truck and have them pay me for it?? Imagine I get that sooner than I think? Id be on my way to happy land, but don't tell no one. Girls driving trucks weirds people out. Well, maybe it only weirds out the stupid people. No one cares about stupid people anyway.

Well, Id sure be making more than $25,000 a year which is what YAI wanted to pay me to do a very hard job. Thats maybe a wee over $10 and hour! HAHA! What? I get more than that now doing less mentally demanding work. The physical aspect is grueling but I was designed to be a physical person. After taxes my grand total would only be about $20,000.... and when I came back to sit on a day at YAI and this particular class Id be teaching, I thought I was going to fall asleep. I learned a valuable lesson. I can only work at jobs that have a lot of action. I guess I am not cut out to sit there and do nothing. Which probably supports my distaste for office jobs.

oh shoo! I was supposed to finiah cleaning my room and stop goofing off...

:: Jane Dee 12:35:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 7.26.2006 ::
Alternators

My, its been a while since Ive posted anything on here. Well, needless to say, I've been busy. Doing what you ask? A lot!

First, Lou and I have finally put the finishing touches on graduating from school by ordering our own portraits with our gowns. Im putting them in frames as I type this. Yee haw! Ive also got back my corrected Honors photos and I got all my diplomas and such and have hung them up accordingly. Good bye school!!

In other news, Ive somehow landed myself a job at YAI/NIPD as a teacher of sorts. Ive always wanted to work there, but needed a Bachelor's to get any of the good jobs. Well, my plan wasn't to get any other job till, like, next year, but this opportunity was right there so I finally updated my resume and they called me for their private job fair. So I went and there was something called a group interview and I seriously blew everyone else out of the water. Between all my psychological/biological/science background and my knowledge of the company in general, I was the most articulate one and hence, got the position. The bad side is that they put me with one of the most difficult groups: dual diagnosed mentally retarted with behaviour or emotional problems. I assume they think that because I have educational background in human behavior and conseling that I can take these people on? I dunno, but I hope it's not as bad as some make it seem. So anyway, because of that I've been busy putting resumes together, getting my references straight, finding a new suit (which I did and I like it alot), finding new clothes and shoes and purses and probably spending way too much on that stuff, and of course, alternators!

What?

Yeah totally crazy! I was driving down Coney Island Aveneue and my battery light goes on and the dash goes "ding ding ding" so I assumed my battery wasn't good anymore and it was time to get a new one. So I make a pit stop to get a battery and put it in ($80 btw) and get going to Long Island to do some shopping. Well, the light is still on and its still dinging everytime I start the car so I assumed I needed to reset something so I just left it as is 'till I got home. Well, when we were done shopping, the light came on again and this time, another light came on... so I drove off... and another light... I was getting nervous... so I pulled off the Southern State and made my way to the Sunrise Highway. By the time I got there, all my dash lights were on and my tachometer and speedometer and fuel and temp guages were all off, my lamps werent working and so I was like "WTF"? and so I blew a red light to pull over to a park and ride lot in Freeport. Lucky me because as I was making the turn my power steering died and then my car. So I let it roll into a spot and called G with the trusty Jeep. I thought it was the battery but he charged my battery up and only got about one minute of power before it died again. So me and Lou went across the way to ask the firehouse if they knew where to get a battery. They didn't but they said I could leave my car in their lot and get it towed tomorrow. Well, I did just that. The next day I came back with the Jeep and realized that the Jeep with the steel bumper was not going to bump my car across the Sunrise to the the Firestone. Hell no! Then I'd have to get body work done as well. (he bumped my pontiac before but who cared about that stupid car??) So I called a tow truck to tow it about three blocks and left the car there to get a new alternator! Three hundred plus bucks for that job, sheesh! And I was going to go and kill that guy at RS Strauss for selling me a bad battery, but his life has been spared. I should have called Amex, I think I get free towing cuz Im a gold member or something... I think I was less than 50 miles though. Freeport isnt that far away.

So no, I havent been updating like I said and I guess I feel kind of bad... I have so much to do on the site its so daunting. maybe I can get something done tomorrow but not this weekend because I have to get ready for part two of my interview on Monday. Then polish and wax the car. And laundry and clean up all the clothes I bought off the floor. etc etc.

Well, I guess I better get back to putting my photos away.

:: Jane Dee 2:10:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 6.23.2006 ::
Bad Circadian Rhythm?

So its about a quarter to 6am and I am not particularly sleepy. Given that I now normally wake up at about 1pm, I wonder if this will have any adverse effects . From what I learned from my sleep class, no it won't, unless I get some job that starts at 8am (for the love of God WHY would I do that???) and I am now falling alseep at the wheel. Hm. Sounds like my last year at City.. Falling alseep on the Belt by the VZ Bridge and swerving to avoid disaster with the guardrail all during evening rush hour traffic. And the car I used to drive was LOUD. Yet that was not enough to keep me up. HA!.. to make matters worse, I'd be on my way to my HEAVY DRIVING JOB. Obviously nothing has happened, but that was only due to large amount of coffee and sugar products (i.e., donuts and horribly processed "bakery" items from the vending machine). To be honest I do not remember much.

But I do know that I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome!
Oh yes indeed I do. The book for the course I took for sleep disorders says that "a person with DSPS may not start to feel sleepy until 1 or 2am.... In severe case [(me?)], somone suffering from DSPS may not become sleepy until its almost dawn." Or in my case, past dawn and the birds are singing and the school busses are revving. The only thing is that "suffering" is subjective. Now that I don't HAVE to get up at 6am (or 4:30am as I used to!!) I am not suffering. Furthermore, Ive been sleep deprived for years. And unlike the supposed vast population of DSPS "sufferers" who miss work and are always late and fail class, I was late maybe to the horrible music class in high school (but reformed since that point) and have never been late to class unless it was because the bus broke down or something I could not control. I also have never failed anything because I was sleeping. In. Ive failed tests, but thats because I was stupid. Or didn't study. Or didn't care.

Well, anyway, I will attempt sleep soon, but I will get up early this weekend so I can be a little sleepy come Sunday night. And what perplexes me is that I don't even finish the cup (size = 12oz) of coffee I make almost everyday. This is a 100% natural, non-induced by stress or other crap, syndrome. I assume I will have to try to adjust my wake up time to 11 or so I can start studying for my GMAT test. I cant wake up at 1 and start studying. That's just weird, even if I would have 5 hours before work. wait a minute... hmm...

Ach!

All this wakeful time and I havent updated shit on my webpage. Well, its a big effort, I was looking at all the obsolete pages and thought that I need to do some major restructuring. I think my site will look a little smaller. There is so much unorganized crap in my file manager Im not sure I want to undertake such an idea. It took me a week just to clean out my hard drive. That was easy. My site actually has to look good and make sense. Too much thinking involved.

So now its 6:20 and Im not much sleepier. Maybe I should ride my bike during the wee hours of the morn and be more productive than just sitting here figuring out the calories to lentil soup.

But I do think about other things, like future job plans and school. I was thinking about that safety assistant position I did not put in for. I wonder if I would have got it. I did need DG training. And my portfolio doesn't even exist. Well, in any case, I do think about how I will get to B-School, if I do at all. I search all night for alternatives and the only other interesting thing that I can do is I/O Psychology (Industrial/Occupational Psychology) or something in Logistics or the supply chain realm. Its daunting! Im still wondering that, say I do well on the GMAT, like above average, should I still put off applying so I can get an admin job to spiffy up my background or should I try to get in right away. There are too many choices. Not to mention trying to build the framework rightnow and not get off track. Blehh!!!

6:30... I better get to bed. I can whine about all this after 1pm

:: Jane Dee 2:50:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 6.21.2006 ::
YEE HAW!!!!!

GUESS WHAT IVE GOT TICKETS TO!

The Bull Riding event at MSG!!!

I usually wake up to 1010 Wins and listen in on the latest news and I heard the spot for the event and I woke up. I was like "har? Bull riders? OOooh!" So I tried to get some preferred seating through American Express Gold Card Events, but I found there were still some cheap seats left so I bought those instead (but the preferred seats had a great view). In any case, I am very excited and can't wait to go. Ive always wanted to go see a bull riding show somewhere, but this is much more convenient than hoping to cross paths with a show one day whilst traveling.

It's in January, but it gives me something to look forward to.

oops time for work

:: Jane Dee 2:49:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 6.20.2006 ::
Almost Time For Work

And I just ate rice and beans! har har!

I have a few things I'd like to post, first of is I cannot spell the word fiesty (see there I go again, spelling it like fiesta) so I use the guidance of Merriam-Webster and find out they are having a "party like it's 1806" bonanza to celebrate the 200th anniversary of M-W dictionary. Of course, I will not be signing up for the spelling bee, but I am tempted to visit the event on July 27 in Massachussettes (did I spell that right?) or the one in Brockport, NY.

Second news event that is placed in the "dumb" category is of course school related. I paid $30 for "event" pictures taken by a photography company whose name I will not disclose until I don't get my reorder. This company was hired by CCNY to take pictures of our HONORS CONVOCATION (remember that). When I paid the large sum (for three 5x7 pictures), the bottom of each picture said "Graduation Ceremony" NOT HONORS CONVOCATION....?? So of course I called them and said "Yes, hi, this was honors convocation not graduation" and they said that they would reissue my pictures with the correct titles in a couple of weeks. So if they don't, I will gladly dispute the charge thru my credit card and generously curse them out. I have a feeling all be be amended though. Maybe I am just optimistic.

Third thing is that I am becoming quite lazy now without much responsibilities. I am supposed to be saving money and studying and looking for leadership positions but Ive been so Pfft. Though I have been working on my webpage, and I have finished my graduation video (no, Ive not posted it yet). I have also come up with a new logo for my webpage and I plan to do a lot of reconfiguring. I have also finished looking through my pictures and have cleaned up my C drive on my computer. It took four years to finally fill it up. Well, thats nice, I also have a 16GB hard drive to fill and Ive cleaned out about 4GB on the C drive. I guess I have another four years to fill up both drives.

Now its time i get dressed for work. I hope I do not get another migraine like I did yesterday (OWWWW)! Today should be a short day, hopefully, and I want to come back home and start rearranging my webpage.

:: Jane Dee 3:07:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 6.15.2006 ::
Fading Memories

Lucky for me, my memories of school are practically gone! My brain is happily compressing all that useless information whilst I sleep, which by the way, is make up sleep for all the years Ive been in school. What joy!

In other news, I have not forgot about my webpage. I am trying my darndest to sort thru all these pictures - and take them off my crowded hard drive after all this time - and get them posted and make some changes to my current webpage. I am also in the process of making my graduation video, which is coming along nicely in my brain, but not as nicley on the computer. Not that it's coming out bad, Ive just not been able to upload the video until now and when that is done I can load the music and get editing.

I also bought new Gucci sunglasses among other things. I keep telling myself "stop consuming!!" but it's difficult when you have a tremendous weight lifted off you (school) and want to celebrate. Though I really should stop spending so much because I need to save up for my upcoming vacations. No, I don't need to save money to go there, I need to save money to spend there. I also want to take advantage of my airline employment status and use my employee discounts to go and visit some schools before I commit myself to some online description of how wonderful some school is only to find out its in a boring city without much going on (e.g., New Haven, ahem). There are a lot (too many) MBA programs out there and what makes one better than another to me is usually determined by the atmosphere and the surroundings. Like with Yale, I didn't see how the rest of the package would justify paying all that money. It's one thing for a school to be great, its another for it to be in a great place. If I wanted shitty location, I can just go to Baruch.

:: Jane Dee 12:28:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 6.07.2006 ::
Late Night Nostalgia

Not in a good way though. I was just thinking about LIU and all the stupidity there. Come to think of it, it was far worse than City. At least the people at City arent assholes. Thats a plus. I was remembering this one asshole professor I had for history. Ugh.

Typically, when something long and enduring finally ends, I run through memories then put them in the long storage part of my brain where I don't really have ready access to them unless Im trying to remember them. So for a few days after the culmination, I may get sad or happy then sad again. Then, it all goes away and I can hardly remember anything. That's a good thing because I don't think I want to remember smelly train rides and migraine headaches.

Oh yeah wasn't the world supposed to end yesterday?

Well, in any case, I am pretty happy that everything is over, yet sad that it wasn't more memorable. Right now I feel lazy. I have a million things to get started and all I do is sleep. Given that I calculated I lost about 120 hours of sleep last summer semester alone, I can say that for all the years Ive been in acedemia and studying my ass off to get As, I am sure I need more than 1,000 hours of sleep catch up time. According to some of my rough calculations, I need about one more month of long sleep (8-9 hours) to fully recover from all this. In the meantime, I have to make a list of stuff I need to do... like the webpage, my CDL-A, GMAT studies, bike riding (ha!) etc.

hm, I guess I should go and make up some sleep now.

:: Jane Dee 12:58:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 6.06.2006 ::
Homerun!!

sorta.

I am at school and lucky for me my diploma was FINALLY READY!! I have it right here next to me. This will be my last entry from school for a long time.

As I thought, the honors certificate says Magna Cum Laude, but my diploma says Cum Laude. I could have waited for the dude who does the certificates to fix it but you know what, I will keep it that way to forever preserve the stupidity of my school. I really should be Magna, but honors is honors and I guess I can't argue my way through everything. Sometimes, the administration wins by a good 'ol wearing you down.

As for the certificate, it could be nicer. It looks cheap, but at least its not a computer print out. I think the frame I bought for it was way too expenisve but well, what's done is done. Im not about to go and return it... or am I?

Well, I best be going. My meter will run out and I want to get home and FINALLY put my diploma in its frame and hang it up.

NOW I can rest.

Praise the Lord! Amen.

:: Jane Dee 12:09:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 6.05.2006 ::
Oh yeah

Just in case youre hungry, there is a recipie for RAMEN PIZZA.

Yum?

:: Jane Dee 12:01:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 5.30.2006 ::
A Headache Indeed

I hope all of you read my retraction in the !MadComments link from the previous post. I am annoyed at what my school has done, but I was expecting it. Even to this day I do not know if I am Magna or Cum Laude. However, If my certificate says Magna, a fight will ensue indeed. I must graduate with dignity and my school has a funny way of taking care of their honor students.

In any case, I am confused again at how I am going to divvy my time. I know I previously wrote "see ya after graduation" but all my free time seems to revolve around future schools and plans etc. I've been up until dawn looking at possible schools and it's not an easy task. Scoring a few standard deviations below or above average will help me decide whats to come faster, but I am not taking that test until at least December. That means that I have more choices right now than I may have later.

Since "graduation" is in a couple of days (and I put it in quotes only because Ive already graduated and the forcast predicts RAIN and I am not a big fan of rainy graduations) I have to think about how to use my new found freedom from the shackles of City College. (and by that I mean once all is said and done I will not have to deal with all their stupidity. A fine example is this latest bungling of PBK nonsense and the ever-present struggle of Magna vs Cum Laude) I am hoping I can put all of this aside and FINALLY upload a huge amount of stuff to my webpage. Ive been meaning to upload for years practically but school just sucks out all the fun left in me. I figure I can allow about two weeks to upload and polish my webpage and then start studying for the GMAT and hopefully figure out a way to get my CDL A. Ive found a school on Long Island that I think is cheaper than the one near my job. But that is the tentative plan for now. But the webpage will be done!! That has priority after G-Day.

Right now I will clean my desk. Its a mess! My graduation cap is in there somewhere...

:: Jane Dee 11:36:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 5.08.2006 ::
They Were Closed

OH JOY! I went all the way to school for NOTHING. the "Commencement Office" was closed and I was so freakin' angry! I got up early for that! AND I TOOK THE TRAIN!! GRRRRR!!!!!

In any case, I finally figured out how to get my CDL-C at least, and I will complete that tomorrow. Its not a good thing when the DMV is less confusing than your school. The CDL thing is good news because that means I don't have to wait that much longer to get my Hazmat endorsement. I didn't know I was going to have to take a test today, but I tried my luck and I didn't pass it, but since Im going again tomorrow, I will be prepared to take both the passenger test (the one I attempted today) and the Tank test that I've already studied for. Then I will be all set to get the hazmat, whoo hoo! Then, on to the real CDL (the class A) and to bigger and better things!

So now back to the confusing part of my life: School.

I learned that it will NOT be over come graduation because if my honors certificate says Magna Cum Laude like the invitation and my transcript says Cum Laude, I will have to find a way to get that Magna on the transcript. Of course, everything can fall into place and I won't have to do anything, but I doubt that. I still have to go this week to the "Commencement Office" to see whats up with that "graduation packet" I was supposed to get. I also have to see about who can come or not. Hopefully, it will be over soon and I can move on with my life.... Im serious, this school annoyance puts a big damper on things.

Only 10 more days 'till it all begins, then its three weeks of chaos.

:: Jane Dee 3:01:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 5.05.2006 ::
Countdown To Graduation

HURRAH! It's finally May and that means GRADUATION TIME.

All the festoonery starts in a couple of weeks and already my school messes things up. Here's how:

1) They did not send me the commencement packet that tells you how to get your cap and gown and all that... so guess where I am today - IN SCHOOL (yes I took a hit of the asthma pump beforehand) . I have to go to the "Commencement Office" to see whats up with that.

2) They did not tell me how to get my cap and gown - I NEED it for the HONORS CONVOCATION

3) Honors Convocation is screwed up - They DID send me the invitation without me nagging at them, but its says I got MAGNA cum laude... my "unofficial" transcript says cum laude... what the hell???

4) Was told my diploma was ready but then it wasn't... since Im here today, I will ask and see. Maybe they just dont want to move too far when they are at their desks by the phone.

So in any case, this will be an exciting month regardless. Lou's graduation/birthday id this month and kicks off the craziness. I also get a whole lotta time off from work (like two weeks) to get all this school stuff out of the way. Well that and the fact that I am going to vacation in Maine in between it all. I am hopin to relax and have a nice time before I have to deal with school all over again.

Then what?

Well, thats where the tricky part comes in. After graduation, I plan to start studying for the GMAT and see how I do on that. In the meantime, I will see about career options, get my CDL(s), get some extra training and all that to prepare for what's next. If the test goes well, I will go to a nice private B-School. If it goes not so well, I may go to a public hell hole just to get the MBA. If it goes horribly wrong, I will just work my B.S. and see what I can do whilst I figure it all out. Sounds like a plan, huh!

'Till then, I will enjoy my decreased workload, practice driving the truck, ride my bike and do someother nonsense I've been meaning to do.

By the way, I still have $2.50 in my copy account. I need to make copies of something. I don't want them to keep my money.

Well, its almost 1pm... time to go and get my work done at the "commencement Office."

:: Jane Dee 9:46:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 3.20.2006 ::
No One Noticed My Plane?

I had an interesting dream that woke me up today without the alarm clock. Apparently, I was flying my small aircraft over a city (what seemed like Pittsburg) and my plane choked and I went for a nose dive right by the third base coach, or whomever stands between third and home, on a baseball field that had a game going on. I think I died, but all I know is that the "impact" made me float out of my body and it was dark. Last words "God I love you, forgive me."

Anyhoo, I was in Roosevelt Field mall today looking for "yale pants" and I meandered into the "Discovery Channel Store" and was looking at their high definition TV and on it was a montage of Boston and all its glory... well wouldnt you know, the pictures looked just like my dream... there was the sky with all the old looking buildings (which may explain why I thought it was Pittsburg) and then of course Fenway Park and they showed an eerie video of the third base guy from the top of somewhere looking similar to what I saw in my crashing dream...

Nice. (Thus insipred to get going on my updated planet bizarro page, which was supposed to be about dreams, I think. My gosh its been so long since Ive updated my website. I am a bum!)

Well I didnt find any "Yale pants" and I was horribly disappointed givena ll the walking and trying on and dehydration... its a big mall and I always forget to bring chocolate and water... allthough the Lindt store was looking pretty tasty... they now have DARK chocolate Easter bunnies YUM! I didnt buy anything. Can you believe that???

So when I wake up, hopefully early enough i.e., 10am, I can get my ass out of bed and make my way to smelly Manhattan on the smelly train and walk thru the smelly streets to find some damn "Yale pants." My last resort will have to be Kings Plaza, and we all know how much I hate that place. I would actually opt to go there before Manahttan, but I have to return my proofs of the graduation photos I dont want anymore. I am even tempted tocall the school to see if they have my diploma ready but I am not going to push my luck. And I would rather drive to school to get my diploma than have to take it on the train. Did I mention that I hate the train?

So, I am looking through all my bills and dang I have a lot. Shows how well I spent my federal tax return. Ive not recieved my state tax return and according to my calculations it should be a good amount. I dont know whats taking so long, but I hope they hurry up. I want my money. I will put it back into the economy anyway because I will probably spend it all. hehehe.

Tuesday, when I drive Lou to Stars 'n Bars Academy (har har) I will go to good 'ol Wal-Mart and stock up on "special kitty" cat food and toothpaste and buy some makeup to replace the ones Ive had since CVS 2001. Wednesday, I pickup my backup "yale pants" and "yale shirt" from the dry cleaners and deliver some stuff to a friend. I am offering his mother my old suits because they don't fit me right anymore. I went through my whole closet looking for a "yale outfit" and decided to chuck these two suits. I am also contemplating selling my old nurse attire because I dont think I will be going in that direction anytime soon. I guess I can try to sell it on Ebay, but I hate Ebay so we'll see. I want to get rid of it all. I need room for all my Fedex uniforms, hehe.

So finally, an entry that did not showcase the ho-hum of waiting for doctor/school/work stuff to happen!

:: Jane Dee 1:22:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 3.16.2006 ::
Painful Days and Nights

Ah yes, I am in pain. Lots of pain. Ive had this headache for a couple of days now and I don't see any sign of it stopping. I hope its from my strained neck/shoulders/pecs because if its not, I need a doctor.

Speaking of doctors, I have to go back and get another blood test and allergy test. I also want to ask if there is any generic nasal steroid because the one I use is so damn expensive and there is no generic. Fingers are crossed.

As for school news, there is not much going on, just a lot of waiting. Waiting for my diploma, waiting for my aknowledgement for honors, waiting for them to tell me when the graduate saluete is and waiting for all this to be over. I realize that I can't function until this is all done. I cant move on for some reason until the diploma is on my wall and I have the cord and I went to graduation.

This whole waiting thing isputting a serious damper on my GMAT studies. I guess its not all that bad, I do like the time off. I've had lots of time to think and all that. Its been pretty good just working. I did take a personal day to visit Yale and I am very excited and nervous at the same time. I am going to watch/learn how the airport is set up on Friday so I can put it all together and have some good answers in case Im asked any good questions when I visit. You never know who will be there and I don't want to leave any bad impressions on anyone. I need to sound knowledgeable and savvy despite my age (yeah for the MBA I may be too young!) with goals and specific directions for an MBA.

Of course, I need a new outfit and I havent even tried on my suits. I know those old suits wont work but I should try them on anyway. ughh!! I just don't want to do anything lately. I just listen to "Uptown Girl" and "Redneck Woman" all day. Im dying to go out but its still too cold and I can only do it on the weekend because Im way too tired during the week to ride 30 miles.

Bitch 'n Moan....

I guess I dont have much else to say but "OW!" and "Im going to bed".

:: Jane Dee 12:36:00 AM [+] ::
...
:: 3.03.2006 ::
Slightly Outraged

Only because I was about to pay the school photographer $100+ dollars to send me back 5 pictures of two poses I didnt like all that much anyway. Then, when I expressed my concern to Lou, she informed me that I can try an independent photographer i.e., Sears or Wal-Mart... so whilst near a Wal-Mart, I decided to take a look at some prices and lo and behold! At this particular Wal-Mart, I can get one 10x13, two 8x10s, two 5x7s, four 3.5x5s and sixteen wallets for $7.88!!! I was like "HUH"?? Yeah so guess what Im going to do with those proofs...

Right now I have a slight headache and I am not sure why. I wish it were warmer, Id go outside and DO something and get some air. I hate being cooped up in this house but its just so cold today. At least tomorrow I get to go to LI and spend more money that I should be saving. Damn Wal-Mart always has "something." I think Ive bought everything I need thus far so when I drive Lou to school next week, I dont know what Im going to do now that I have nothing to shop for. I guess I could eat at Wendy's... I guess I could study for the GMAT... hmm. I dunno. We'll see. I cant take my pictures yet because I want to wait until I get my honor cord to wear in the picture... which by the way, I was kind of annoyed about. I took those pictures and I didnt get the chance to wear any cords. Well, me and Lou are going to take a photo together and split the pacakage, that would be cool. I think we should take it together to document our accomplishment once and for all. I mean, it took us long enough to graduate... only double time! Geez. Glad its over. Anyway, before I get sidetracked about that nonsense, I was saying that I wish it were warmer so I could go out and do something. I'd like to go fishing since I have a pole Ive used only once. Though I dont find it especially appealing to fish by the Verrazano Bridge or the Belt Parkway, I just want to see how it goes. No Im not going to eat any of those nasty fishes that have anti-freeze for blood.

Oh yeah, I actually went back to the doctor to see what was up with the echocardiogram. Well, I (still) do have a murmur but it is within normal limits supposedly. I dont have any other physical problems with my heart so the palpitations I was feeling is most likely due to the asthma after all. I also got back the results of the blood test and all is well in that department. I did go to the doctor to see about and allergy test but apparently they had run the test when they took my blood. I have a problem with the results of the test. It says I am somewhat allergic to cats and hickory, of all trees ans very allergic to house dust and super allergic to dust mites... however, it said I was NOT allergic to roaches and NOT allergic to penicillum. Now, normally I would agree with such tests, but I KNOW Im allergic to penicillin because I had a reaction to it... so what does that mean then? Is this test wrong? Am I not allergic anymore? Does CCNY have an overabundance of dust mites in their vents and not roaches? So how come I dont get asthma in my house which is super dusty, filled with cats and I bet has more dust mites than any house on the block (if you can call them houses)???? Well, folks we're going to have to retake the test at a later time. Which is good for me because that will give me time to think of anything else I need to get done. I was thinking Id get the TB test, but I imagine Im not going to volunteer at Coney Island Hospital anytime soon.

Oh yeah my CNA certification expires next week. Hm. Thats taken me far! Geez, I think I am so bad at picking jobs, but look at me now! Over a year at Fedex and no sign of stopping. That is way cool. Its nice to find something you like to do. For once. And yes I am serious about a trucking career if all else fails and there is some demand for trucks and or diesel. Maybe the engines will be different, but hopefully it will be around long enough for me. Ive had enough of trying to look fancy. I admit it I like these things OKAY!?!? Trust me, Id be in the USAF flying planes if not for my vision so why not channel that desire to large engine rolling machines? Yes, I make perfect sense. To me.

:: Jane Dee 11:38:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 2.25.2006 ::
Not As Clever As I Used To Be And Itching To Do Donuts With My Truck

So I was perusing my old blog entries and I have to say I was much more clever in my more depressed days. Sure, I was neurotic and sleep-deprived, migraine prone, angry and exhausted, but I was clever dammit. I used every last calorie of energy on pure wit! Now I can't even write anything other than "Im still waiting for some news on school/work/so-and-so" how mundane... and soooo unwitty.

Well, at least I get to think about stuff, and yes I have LOTS of time to think about stuff now that all I do is go to work. And despite all this "free" time I have, I still manage to get back tracked on my "chores" and "errands." I mean, who the hell wants to go get results of an echocardiogram when you can sample your perfume collection over and over?? Speaking of which, I am quite proud of my perfumes. I recently gave away two Ralph Lauren perfumes to a pal at work. I still have RL Glamorous Shimmer left, I think that smells really good. Not as good as Givenchy's Very Irresistable, but what can smell better than that anyway? That is my secret wonder smell. I cant get enough of the stuff. Well, in any case, I have eight perfumes, nine if you want to count the super strong rose perfume I don't wear. So with the two I just gave away, I had 11. Thats a lot. Especially when you pay full price, haha!

Oh yeah I was thinking about stuff... hum. Well, I have to visit school to make sure I am on the honors night list. I better be! I took a day off for that! I also took a day off to visit Yale... HA! I will probably chicken out. I am usually bold enough to do anything, but YALE?? You have to say that is a wee bit intimidating. Im not even sure I can bring a friend. I bet I cant. They want you to be all alone and scared. I dont necessarily have to go right after taking the GMAT. I could take up to three years to apply because the GMAT scores are good for that long. I guess I'd have to see what opportunities arise. Maybe none will. HA! Then I will be mad. What then? Oh I dunno....

So as far as work goes, Im itching to get started on my CDL-A. Imagine me in a nice big truck. That is cool. I was thinking about the first time I got to fill up the truck. I was like "WOW! I get to touch the DIESEL fuel!!!!! OOoooOOooOoOOOOOOhhhh!!" Yeah. I guess Im slightly retarded because of that. Maybe that will make me unique enough for Yale (wink). However, I am still paying off some stuff and when that is done, I will see about fitting in the CDL payments. You have to remember I want that mini VAIO... ohh its sooo cute. Expensive, but worth every cent. My current VAIO will be 4 (!) this year and Ive not had a problem at anytime. yeah.. one day when I have "time" (ha!) I will get around to figuring out my finances.

Well, I guess its time for bed. Not much else going on here.

:: Jane Dee 2:02:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 2.19.2006 ::
Sigh

If you must know that is a sad sigh not a hopeful sigh....

Yeah, what the hell are you looking at??

Humph.

:: Jane Dee 5:51:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 2.18.2006 ::
CONFIRMED BY THE LETTER!!!

I FINALLY got my graduation confirmation letter today!! I am all ready to graduate and ready to pick up my diploma! OH YEAH!!!

So now that things have finally fallen into place and all is well in my world, what's next? Well, a few things actually:

First of all, I have to graduate. So I am waiting to get my gown fitted and go to that honors ceremony and then commencement. I also have to order my graduation pictures. I can now officially wear my class ring and go "YEAHH!!!"

Second, I have to tell you all about what career path I decided on. Well, ok, I also promised I would tell you what I was hiding this whole time. ALLRIGHT. Here it is. At first, I wanted to go into nursing and I put all that time and effort into doing well and it just was totally wrong. I am not sure what went wrong, but it went wrong. I was hoping it was the school, so I always kept that option in the back of my head. However, I knew that I was smart and even though I decided to finish the bachelors in psychology, I knew I wasn't going to go into psychology unless they offered my some full scholoarship to study, hopefully not at the roach motel I graduated from... well, I never got any offers, but I had decided that I would try for med school... why not, I thought? It was in the same area as nursing, and I would be in charge... well, as time wore on and I got more aquainted with Fedex, I wondered if that was really the best path for me... I mean think of all the time.. right now, I'd be auditing chem, physics, bio and then taking orgo and thats all before the MCAT... I'd be quite old before I even get in... that would seriously put my chances of MD School in jepardy so I figured I could go to DO school... well, the only problem was my pesky job I was working at. See, I go the airport as part of my job and we all know how much I love planes, even if I do only get to see the tail of the plane from where I stand at night. (one day Im going to stay late enough to see it pull out, hehe) I also tend to like trucks like mine, i.e., big noisy diesel engines that make me deaf. Then there is the REQUIREMENT to get my CDL... so that got me thinking. What would happen if I wanted to get an MBA and be a manager for Fedex and get to see all these trucks and planes for a long time? That kind of made me excited. Not only that, if I choose to get an MBA, I actually have a chance to go to real school, i.e., YALE. So now here is where I stand... I am thinking it would be best to persue an MBA, try to get into Yale, and take it from there. I can even get my pilots license...??? :) See, when I think about that, like getting a CDL or being around planes, I get happy... when I think about med school, I think about people who charge too much for their services. HOWEVER, that does NOT mean my discount pharmacy is out of the question... with an MBA, I should be able to make that happen. I mean that IS technically a business... hahah... so even that can happen. In fact, persuing the MBA and staying where I am would let me live out more of my life goals than would med school. I could also go back to nursing if I wanted to, but I think that if all went well, I'd retire and finally teach algebra in a comunity college. ha! Doesn't that sound awesome?? In any case, Ive already bought the GMAT study books, so don't try to change my mind. Ive thought about it long enough and I think this is the right way to go. In the end, I will have a graduate degree, so all corners are covered.

Third is to finally relax a bit and get reaquainted with life... I've forgotten how interesting life can be in the outside world... :)

The only problem I have with all of this is letting it all soak in. Hopefully I can get off my high and get moving with the plan.

Besides if all goes bad, I will just be a trucker. No woes here, har har!

:: Jane Dee 11:42:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.31.2006 ::
Confirmed by the Conselor!

Because Im such a paranoid person, I went to school today to ask the advisor if I was good to go, i.e., graduation. Her answer was yes!

What a RELIEF!

Only thing now is to find out when the honors convocation is. I have to put in for a day off because its in the evening. Its good because I have unused days off that I have to use up or I'll lose them. I will probably take an extended weekend with the other days I need to use up before that because that day is in late May.

Hm I have to eat.

:: Jane Dee 12:16:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.30.2006 ::
Incredible!

Do you know what this means?? This means I made it MAGNA CUM LAUDE!!! YAYY!!!!

So now, I am wondering, since I got THREE A+'s, should I dispute the A-? This is my lowest term GPA since 2003 (it is a 3.9 with that A-). I mean, does it matter though? Well, in any case, I am happy for my grades and I hope that this means I'm all set to be declared "graduated." Tomorrow, if I don't have to go shopping with my mother, I will go to school (inhaler in hand of course... I did mention that school gives me asthma right?) and find out about my graduation status. I think I will drive there since I hate the train. Bleh! Of course, I will put on my auto lock, har har.

So... what else?...............................I dunno!

I suppose I should get on what I am doing "after school." Im still cleaning my room (I found a whole pile of papers I hadn't seen before!) so I am trying to think whilst doing that. I suppose I should get more time to myself so I can think about it better. For now I am just "going with the flow" and it seems to be flowing in the opposite direction of the alleged "original plan." You know, that was never the "original plan" anyway. The "real" original plan was to be a pharmacist. Then that went bust and all went downhill from there. All other plans after that, except teaching in college, were not part of the "original plan." The real real original plan as it stands is to teach in college, and maybe high school. Im saying this because I should stop acting like this alleged "original plan" was the actual "original plan" and that every other plan is not. However, I am thankful I have so many options.

humm... i guess i should get back to "cleaning"

:: Jane Dee 2:12:00 PM [+] ::
...

HOLY MACARONI



I GOT AN A+ IN ABNORMAL!!


:: Jane Dee 2:08:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.26.2006 ::
CHEERS and JEERS

Two things:
HURRAAAHHHH!!! I got an A+ in DEVELOPMENTAL!!!
BOOOOOOO!!! The deadline for grades has past and my grade for ABNORMAL is NOT in! WTF?

Im not sure if I should email her and ask her what her problem is or wait... She can't take too long because if I need to argue a grade I have to do it before they "graduate" me. I will give it one more day. Then I will go and find her myself. How annoying!!!

Other than that, I seemed to have lost my memory stick! Whoa is me! If anyone has seen it or knows where it is, please let me know! Last time I knew I had it was the last day of ABNORMAL class!! :( That was in DECEMBER! OhhHHHhhhhh!!!

Ok time to throw out all this grabage piling up.

:: Jane Dee 2:18:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.20.2006 ::
Dag Nabbit

Where are the rest of my grades? The race is on between Developmental and Abnormal. Abnormal should have been the first one posted up because it was taken first and Developmental should be last because it was taken last. However, given the teacher's style, I think Abnormal will not only be last, but late. All I can say about Abnormal is: Come onnnnnn B+... Come onnnnnn A-... Come onnnn anything above a C!!!

Oy!

Still waiting for my graduation pictures. They should be here by the end of the month. HA! They should be funny. Apparently, you have to buy a yearbook. Pft! Im not buying that crap. I don't know one person that is graduating! If it's free, I'll take it but I aint buying it, hahahahaha!

Hm. Not much else going on here. I better eat something.

:: Jane Dee 10:46:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 1.18.2006 ::
A MINUS?!?!?!?!?!

WHAT?

I just saw another grade and I got an A- in my sexuality course! I am pissed! The first reason Im pissed is because my perfect streak is officially over! I haven't scored below four quality points since Spring 2003! My GPA is holding at 3.68, but that doesnt mean I automatically get honors. That is the other thing Im mad about. If my calculations are correct, then the lowest grade I can get in Abnormal is now raised to a C+ given I also get an A in developmental. I'm pretty sure I'll get an A in developmental, but as I was all semester, I am worried about the abnormal class because 1)I am not sure how to figure my grade because she uses a weird scale and 2) She never gave us back our papers etc to figure out the largest chunk of our grade. The only thing I can do is if I get a C and another A-, I will have to argue with one of them to bring it up a little either to an A or a C+. Im not sure why I got an A-, I thought that between my paper and final, Id get an A. I only got two wrong on the final and an A- on the paper. Oh lord. Now I am getting anxious. The reason I need these minimum grades is so that I can get the cumulative GPA across all grades and transfer credits to at least a 3.5 so I can get Magna Cum Laude instead of Cum Laude. I just hope I get at least a B- in abnormal. I definately dont like the look of Cs. Pfft I cant even stand the look of an A-, you think Im going to like a C?

Well, I wish they would hurry up with the grades because then I can check the status of my graduation. I am hoping they dont change their mind or say that I need to stay another semester. I will be very mad. However, I should be thankful its all over anyway. My GPA is pretty high and I think that my wide education would impress a grad school somehwere. I know I took a while and I know I took different paths, but I think it helped me become who I am and I feel a lot smarter now knowing what I know.

In other news, I need to get the CDL by September. Now that I have my car, I have more options on what school I can attend. I will also ask how to get reimbursed, but the manager I wanted to ask is leaving. I hope I remember to ask him before he leaves. Its either him or I go to the senior manager. I am not too fond of the guy I am supposedly supposed to go to. Hm.

I also keep putting off my doctor visit. I am supposed to get the results of an echocardiogram I had a month ago. I know I have a murmur but I dont know how bad it is and all that related stuff. I just kinda dont want to know. Which is weird for me because I always want to know, but maybe when it involves lungs or heart, I get scared. I will try to go next week. I also have to get my TB test and allergy tested for roach shit. I think that is what gives me asthma in school. Yuck! To make matters worse, I think I need to see a podiatrist about my right arch. It tenses up many nights and it hurts enough to keep me awake. I think I may need an arch support or a brace to wear at night. Either that or I will wrap it myself. Specialists on my health plan cost $40 a visit. Maybe I will try to wrap it first, ha ha.

Ohhh, I should try to clean up a bit more and stop worrying about grades.

:: Jane Dee 1:36:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.16.2006 ::
Seems Like My Answer is Always "I'm Cleaning My Room"

How many times can one clean his room? According to me, hundreds. I have been cleaning my room since December and no matter how hard I try it is never done. Not even close.

Perhaps it is a symbol of my frustrations that dwell within me. Or, maybe I really am that busy. I think it's both, leaning towards the "busy" side. It's hard to concentrate on these primitive issues when the whole world is becoming visible. Things have been wacky for me these past few months and I am stressed out by "eustress" which us the opposite of "distress." Eustressors are "happy" life events that can cuase the same kinds of stress related illnesses as distressors. Yes, I am happy that I have finally finished my bachelor's degree, yes I am happy I made it into Psi Chi, yes I am happy I have a cool job, yes I am happy that my car is back in action, yes I am happy that I have a lot of choices in life.... the only problem is how do you deal with all these great things! Ive never been so overwhelmed by positive issues in my life, ever. I've never had happiness like this before. I've never felt free. Ive never felt like I am in control of my life. I've never felt like I know who I am.

The problem as well is how do you express these feelings of freedom and rejoice? I have close friends, but for some reason, I don't think I can explain it to them. I don't even know what would be the right way to put it. I have a feeling that most of it would consist of "Can you believe it used to be like ______ and now its like ______?!" or "Can you believe I used to feel like _____ but now I feel like _____?!"

For example, I used to listen to "Air on the G string" and feel sad that such beautiful music can't make me happy. Now when I listen to it, it makes me feel happy, happy enough to want to play the cello part to it.

Seems as though I also get caught up in problems that I have overcome. Not too sure if you can call it "caught up," but I sure seem to think about how I did what I did a lot. I also think about how I will do what I do whatever I decide that will be. Then I wonder about when I will have time to contemplate problems that are on the backburner. It would seem easy to keep them there, but I will eventually have to decide things and they have to come forth. I just don't know how that will work out.

Usually I wind up tired from all this thinking. If you think youre confused, just think about how I feel... everyday.

So I probably keep cleaning my room because of frustrations after all. Hm.

:: Jane Dee 11:55:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.13.2006 ::
IT IS DONE

My final went well and I am done with classes, now all I have to do is wait for my grades, see if Im clear to graduate, see if I graduate with honors and then never go back again! HA! take that CUNY, no grad school student for YOU!!!!

In other news, I got my car back and now that I can maintain a decent sleep schedule I wont be scared I will crash it anymore. Yee haw! I even got a good deal on my insurance thru my job. Its the lowest I've ever paid and it gets deducted from my check every week automatically!

Other than that, Im still confused about what to do after school, which means what do I do now? I think I need to talk to a few more people about this problem that doesnt seem to go away. yadda yadda.

I guess I'll post something "new" when it happens. For now its the same 'ol crap.

I did get a catfish though.

:: Jane Dee 2:55:00 PM [+] ::
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:: 1.04.2006 ::
I'm Back, But I'm Not Ready For Action

Right now I am at work and I am very annoyed. First things first is school, what else can annoy me more than school? Oh right, people.

Anyway, school has been mostly uncooperative since day one. Now all I know is that as of right now, I'm graduating, even if I dont even show up for that rescheduled final... what rescheduled final? Well, since the MTA workers decided to go on strike for no apparent reason, they reschedules any finals that were supposed to be on the day of the strike. So, I was all set to be finshed etc, when my last test gets rescheduled for January 12. I guess its a blessing in disguise because I can have more time to study and get the A I was already getting? Hm. In any case that is gripe one. The second gripe is the school bookstore's "buyback" system. For some reason, whenever I try to sell my books back, their "system is down." Let me tell you something... the phrase "the system is down" and all associated phrases containing the word "system" as referring to some computer program is one of the most annoying things to my ears. I lost it and after this happening more than FIVE times, I just started cursing. I said "why the F*** does this always happen everytime I try to sell my F**** books back, I get this bulls*** excuse about the F*** system or someother s*** happening, its just F*** unbeliveable... " etc etc as I was cursing out the door.

What's next? Will they tell me I can't graduate??

The next order of business includes people being on my case about things. Look, I'm sorry to whomever was offended, but shit happens. My personal affairs have been a mess lately and lending people my phone certainly doesn't help. Oh and another thing: I'm not watching anyone's car again, especially those I don't want to hang out with. This madness just has to stop. I would certainly like to move away for school.

Which brings me to my next concern: after school directives. What the HELL do I do? Now I know I'm particuarly busy right now trying to make sure my school doesn't screw me over and try to ungraduate me, but I really need to get some idea as to what direction I'd like my life to go. At a later date, I will be less cryptic and explain all my ideas online when I get more comfortable with them. For now, I have to think about "factors" and what makes something better or more reasonable than another option.

Okay, time for work. I dread today. I am not feeling well. In fact, I would like to throw up.

:: Jane Dee 4:36:00 PM [+] ::
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