:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: 1.31.2006 ::

Confirmed by the Conselor!

Because Im such a paranoid person, I went to school today to ask the advisor if I was good to go, i.e., graduation. Her answer was yes!

What a RELIEF!

Only thing now is to find out when the honors convocation is. I have to put in for a day off because its in the evening. Its good because I have unused days off that I have to use up or I'll lose them. I will probably take an extended weekend with the other days I need to use up before that because that day is in late May.

Hm I have to eat.

:: Jane Dee 12:16:00 PM [+] ::
...

Incredible!

Do you know what this means?? This means I made it MAGNA CUM LAUDE!!! YAYY!!!!

So now, I am wondering, since I got THREE A+'s, should I dispute the A-? This is my lowest term GPA since 2003 (it is a 3.9 with that A-). I mean, does it matter though? Well, in any case, I am happy for my grades and I hope that this means I'm all set to be declared "graduated." Tomorrow, if I don't have to go shopping with my mother, I will go to school (inhaler in hand of course... I did mention that school gives me asthma right?) and find out about my graduation status. I think I will drive there since I hate the train. Bleh! Of course, I will put on my auto lock, har har.

So... what else?...............................I dunno!

I suppose I should get on what I am doing "after school." Im still cleaning my room (I found a whole pile of papers I hadn't seen before!) so I am trying to think whilst doing that. I suppose I should get more time to myself so I can think about it better. For now I am just "going with the flow" and it seems to be flowing in the opposite direction of the alleged "original plan." You know, that was never the "original plan" anyway. The "real" original plan was to be a pharmacist. Then that went bust and all went downhill from there. All other plans after that, except teaching in college, were not part of the "original plan." The real real original plan as it stands is to teach in college, and maybe high school. Im saying this because I should stop acting like this alleged "original plan" was the actual "original plan" and that every other plan is not. However, I am thankful I have so many options.

humm... i guess i should get back to "cleaning"

:: Jane Dee 2:12:00 PM [+] ::
...

HOLY MACARONI

I GOT AN A+ IN ABNORMAL!!

:: Jane Dee 2:08:00 PM [+] ::
...

CHEERS and JEERS

Two things:
HURRAAAHHHH!!! I got an A+ in DEVELOPMENTAL!!!
BOOOOOOO!!! The deadline for grades has past and my grade for ABNORMAL is NOT in! WTF?

Im not sure if I should email her and ask her what her problem is or wait... She can't take too long because if I need to argue a grade I have to do it before they "graduate" me. I will give it one more day. Then I will go and find her myself. How annoying!!!

Other than that, I seemed to have lost my memory stick! Whoa is me! If anyone has seen it or knows where it is, please let me know! Last time I knew I had it was the last day of ABNORMAL class!! :( That was in DECEMBER! OhhHHHhhhhh!!!

Ok time to throw out all this grabage piling up.

:: Jane Dee 2:18:00 PM [+] ::
...

Dag Nabbit

Where are the rest of my grades? The race is on between Developmental and Abnormal. Abnormal should have been the first one posted up because it was taken first and Developmental should be last because it was taken last. However, given the teacher's style, I think Abnormal will not only be last, but late. All I can say about Abnormal is: Come onnnnnn B+... Come onnnnnn A-... Come onnnn anything above a C!!!

Oy!

Still waiting for my graduation pictures. They should be here by the end of the month. HA! They should be funny. Apparently, you have to buy a yearbook. Pft! Im not buying that crap. I don't know one person that is graduating! If it's free, I'll take it but I aint buying it, hahahahaha!

Hm. Not much else going on here. I better eat something.

:: Jane Dee 10:46:00 AM [+] ::
...

A MINUS?!?!?!?!?!

WHAT?

I just saw another grade and I got an A- in my sexuality course! I am pissed! The first reason Im pissed is because my perfect streak is officially over! I haven't scored below four quality points since Spring 2003! My GPA is holding at 3.68, but that doesnt mean I automatically get honors. That is the other thing Im mad about. If my calculations are correct, then the lowest grade I can get in Abnormal is now raised to a C+ given I also get an A in developmental. I'm pretty sure I'll get an A in developmental, but as I was all semester, I am worried about the abnormal class because 1)I am not sure how to figure my grade because she uses a weird scale and 2) She never gave us back our papers etc to figure out the largest chunk of our grade. The only thing I can do is if I get a C and another A-, I will have to argue with one of them to bring it up a little either to an A or a C+. Im not sure why I got an A-, I thought that between my paper and final, Id get an A. I only got two wrong on the final and an A- on the paper. Oh lord. Now I am getting anxious. The reason I need these minimum grades is so that I can get the cumulative GPA across all grades and transfer credits to at least a 3.5 so I can get Magna Cum Laude instead of Cum Laude. I just hope I get at least a B- in abnormal. I definately dont like the look of Cs. Pfft I cant even stand the look of an A-, you think Im going to like a C?

Well, I wish they would hurry up with the grades because then I can check the status of my graduation. I am hoping they dont change their mind or say that I need to stay another semester. I will be very mad. However, I should be thankful its all over anyway. My GPA is pretty high and I think that my wide education would impress a grad school somehwere. I know I took a while and I know I took different paths, but I think it helped me become who I am and I feel a lot smarter now knowing what I know.

In other news, I need to get the CDL by September. Now that I have my car, I have more options on what school I can attend. I will also ask how to get reimbursed, but the manager I wanted to ask is leaving. I hope I remember to ask him before he leaves. Its either him or I go to the senior manager. I am not too fond of the guy I am supposedly supposed to go to. Hm.

I also keep putting off my doctor visit. I am supposed to get the results of an echocardiogram I had a month ago. I know I have a murmur but I dont know how bad it is and all that related stuff. I just kinda dont want to know. Which is weird for me because I always want to know, but maybe when it involves lungs or heart, I get scared. I will try to go next week. I also have to get my TB test and allergy tested for roach shit. I think that is what gives me asthma in school. Yuck! To make matters worse, I think I need to see a podiatrist about my right arch. It tenses up many nights and it hurts enough to keep me awake. I think I may need an arch support or a brace to wear at night. Either that or I will wrap it myself. Specialists on my health plan cost $40 a visit. Maybe I will try to wrap it first, ha ha.

Ohhh, I should try to clean up a bit more and stop worrying about grades.

:: Jane Dee 1:36:00 PM [+] ::
...

Seems Like My Answer is Always "I'm Cleaning My Room"

How many times can one clean his room? According to me, hundreds. I have been cleaning my room since December and no matter how hard I try it is never done. Not even close.

Perhaps it is a symbol of my frustrations that dwell within me. Or, maybe I really am that busy. I think it's both, leaning towards the "busy" side. It's hard to concentrate on these primitive issues when the whole world is becoming visible. Things have been wacky for me these past few months and I am stressed out by "eustress" which us the opposite of "distress." Eustressors are "happy" life events that can cuase the same kinds of stress related illnesses as distressors. Yes, I am happy that I have finally finished my bachelor's degree, yes I am happy I made it into Psi Chi, yes I am happy I have a cool job, yes I am happy that my car is back in action, yes I am happy that I have a lot of choices in life.... the only problem is how do you deal with all these great things! Ive never been so overwhelmed by positive issues in my life, ever. I've never had happiness like this before. I've never felt free. Ive never felt like I am in control of my life. I've never felt like I know who I am.

The problem as well is how do you express these feelings of freedom and rejoice? I have close friends, but for some reason, I don't think I can explain it to them. I don't even know what would be the right way to put it. I have a feeling that most of it would consist of "Can you believe it used to be like ______ and now its like ______?!" or "Can you believe I used to feel like _____ but now I feel like _____?!"

For example, I used to listen to "Air on the G string" and feel sad that such beautiful music can't make me happy. Now when I listen to it, it makes me feel happy, happy enough to want to play the cello part to it.

Seems as though I also get caught up in problems that I have overcome. Not too sure if you can call it "caught up," but I sure seem to think about how I did what I did a lot. I also think about how I will do what I do whatever I decide that will be. Then I wonder about when I will have time to contemplate problems that are on the backburner. It would seem easy to keep them there, but I will eventually have to decide things and they have to come forth. I just don't know how that will work out.

Usually I wind up tired from all this thinking. If you think youre confused, just think about how I feel... everyday.

So I probably keep cleaning my room because of frustrations after all. Hm.

:: Jane Dee 11:55:00 PM [+] ::
...

IT IS DONE

My final went well and I am done with classes, now all I have to do is wait for my grades, see if Im clear to graduate, see if I graduate with honors and then never go back again! HA! take that CUNY, no grad school student for YOU!!!!

In other news, I got my car back and now that I can maintain a decent sleep schedule I wont be scared I will crash it anymore. Yee haw! I even got a good deal on my insurance thru my job. Its the lowest I've ever paid and it gets deducted from my check every week automatically!

Other than that, Im still confused about what to do after school, which means what do I do now? I think I need to talk to a few more people about this problem that doesnt seem to go away. yadda yadda.

I guess I'll post something "new" when it happens. For now its the same 'ol crap.

I did get a catfish though.

:: Jane Dee 2:55:00 PM [+] ::
...

I'm Back, But I'm Not Ready For Action

Right now I am at work and I am very annoyed. First things first is school, what else can annoy me more than school? Oh right, people.

Anyway, school has been mostly uncooperative since day one. Now all I know is that as of right now, I'm graduating, even if I dont even show up for that rescheduled final... what rescheduled final? Well, since the MTA workers decided to go on strike for no apparent reason, they reschedules any finals that were supposed to be on the day of the strike. So, I was all set to be finshed etc, when my last test gets rescheduled for January 12. I guess its a blessing in disguise because I can have more time to study and get the A I was already getting? Hm. In any case that is gripe one. The second gripe is the school bookstore's "buyback" system. For some reason, whenever I try to sell my books back, their "system is down." Let me tell you something... the phrase "the system is down" and all associated phrases containing the word "system" as referring to some computer program is one of the most annoying things to my ears. I lost it and after this happening more than FIVE times, I just started cursing. I said "why the F*** does this always happen everytime I try to sell my F**** books back, I get this bulls*** excuse about the F*** system or someother s*** happening, its just F*** unbeliveable... " etc etc as I was cursing out the door.

What's next? Will they tell me I can't graduate??

The next order of business includes people being on my case about things. Look, I'm sorry to whomever was offended, but shit happens. My personal affairs have been a mess lately and lending people my phone certainly doesn't help. Oh and another thing: I'm not watching anyone's car again, especially those I don't want to hang out with. This madness just has to stop. I would certainly like to move away for school.

Which brings me to my next concern: after school directives. What the HELL do I do? Now I know I'm particuarly busy right now trying to make sure my school doesn't screw me over and try to ungraduate me, but I really need to get some idea as to what direction I'd like my life to go. At a later date, I will be less cryptic and explain all my ideas online when I get more comfortable with them. For now, I have to think about "factors" and what makes something better or more reasonable than another option.

Okay, time for work. I dread today. I am not feeling well. In fact, I would like to throw up.

:: Jane Dee 4:36:00 PM [+] ::
...