Welcome! Enjoy some of the finer pages of online ramblings out there! If you have found this page through BlogSpot, please visit my homepage using the links on the sidebar. Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log. I also like to log other things such as people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like.
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HA! I actually put away ALL the Christmas stuff! And cleaned out the closet! WOW! Maybe I should eat more Whoppers?
In other "good" news, my reserve book on the HESI exam is available at the library! I am going to go and get it today and start looking at all the subjects. I made copies of some questions from a book from the Gateway library, but only for grammar and spelling. I think it would benefit me to look at what is tested for the other subjects too. Now for the nursing program out here, you only need to take math and reading, not all the subjects like I had to for Kingsborough. By the way, did they get their accreditation back? HAHAHA! Don't hold your breath!
Other than that today, I just plan on resting. My back is a little sore from moving the tree and organizing all that stuff. I have two full days of work to follow, so I would like some rest. Right now I am a bit sleepy so maybe I will take a nap then go to the library. It's still early here, about 0600. I don't think the library opens until 0800 anyways.
Hooray for me! I finally cleaned my room... Now I just have to clean the rest of the house! HA HA HA! I STILL haven't put the Christmas tree away! Thankfully, it is fake!
Anyways, Gateway hasn't received all of my transcripts yet... It seems St. John's is holding them up. It is strange because they have normally been the fastest. Well I reordered one yesterday and I hope it gets to them quickly. I don't think I need anything from that transcript for this particular program but since they want all of them, I guess I will have to wait. I'm okay with that. I mean, what's a few more days. Besides I haven't taken that HESI test yet so I have some time. Speaking of which, I now have a spot in my room to "study" for this test. Not that I am going all out to study, but just go over stuff I don't know like grammar. I should only need a few days. I can see myself taking it in March, like in a couple of weeks.
This past week I have been in a frenzy to find some bras that don't annoy the hell out of me. Let me tell you, having big boobs is not easy. I was never able to wear cheap ass bras. My boobs are too big for Wal-Mart bras. They don't hold up. Ha! No seriously, cheap bras and large boobs don't mix. They hurt like hell or itch, rub, scratch and cause scabs. So I went to Victoria's Secret and found ONE sports bar that fit. Interestingly enough, other bras of the same size did NOT fit, wtf. Maybe a fatter woman tried that one on before I did and stretched it out but it fit so I bought it. It was expensive at $45 WITH the $10 off coupon. I was actually going to go back and buy some more, but I was shopping at a different Wal-Mart (in Scottsdale) and saw these "Danskin" sport bras. I can't pull up the link to the bras, probably because they don't make them anymore, but they are actually comfortable! I bought three XXL and one XL. I am wearing the XL now, and it is a wee bit small, but its okay. However, there is no wires and it is very soft. The straps also open, so you could actually use this as a nursing bra. Anyways, I am glad I have SOMETHING that won't cause me problems. I can't wait until I can wear normal bras again, whenever that may be. However, when I get back to NY, I will be very excited to go to the Maidenform store in Riverhead and buy real bras that I can wear.
Speaking of New York, I have been thinking about if I want to go there to have the baby. Now I am leaning towards not. I just think that for reasons I cannot particularly mention here, I won't be comfortable there. Plus, quite frankly, I am tired of visiting when no one cares to visit. I can't imagine anyone taking the time to come see me. I would assume that I would have to lug my dripping self and newborn to everyone else's home. I am wondering if it would be worth it. I am beginning to think it is not. I can always visit after it is born you know. Plus I would save thousands of dollars if I stayed here. That money can be used for fun things like cruises or a new van. Or school. Well, I figure if I just sat around and didn't plan anything, I would just waste enough time and I would have it here. Something like that.
My eating habits have changed, meaning I have been more hungry, and have been eating more. I wasn't feeling very good yesterday but now I am better after eating a couple of Whoppers. Maybe I needed some protein, who knows. All I know is that I feel okay enough that I can probably take down the Christmas tree today. Whether or not I can put it in the closet is another story. That closet has to be cleaned out anyways so it will be more than just putting a tree away.
My job has been holding up well. Yesterday was pretty slow which is good. I am only there for four hours so it's not so bad. On the weekends, I am the only one there so the time goes quickly. I probably walk around the hospital five times at least, so I get a good workout. I think I am going to keep this job for a LONG time, meaning if I actually go to school, I will have it until I finish. If I go to grad school, that is a different story. On the topic of grad school, I am not reconsidering the program at UA. I think I would be better off doing this concurrent program, then going to NAU for the masters. But we will see. I may apply to the program anyways and see how I do.
On Monday, I went to get my latest sonogram, and some useless tests done. The sonogram went really fast, and they labeled the baby a "frank breech." I guess her legs are in the air for now. I don't think there is much to worry about since there is a LOT of time left before the due date for her to flip around. They also say she is bigger than her age. On Monday she was at 27 weeks, and they estimated 2.5 pounds. I guess, at least according to this chart, she should be under two pounds. Oh well. I don't see a big deal. Of course, come time they will probably threaten me to have a c-section if she is "too fat," if she is not in some breech position. I am waiting for it. You know doctors are hungry to do a surgery whenever they can. I also did my "glucose tolerance test" which is basically to test you for diabetes. Only its called gestational diabetes, since it is only present during your pregnancy. Anyways, they make you drink this gross flavored drink with 50g of glucose in it within two minutes or was it five minutes? Anyways, I complained that I got nasty fruit punch flavor and the tech said they get random flavors. I said they should just leave it unflavored and it will just be sugar water. I mean really, a Coke has 40g of sugar a can, so whats a few more grams as a sugary solution? If they said "the test is that you have to drink two bottles of Mexican Coke" I'd be a little more enthusiastic about it. So after they watch you down this nasty solution, you have to wait an hour then they draw your blood. You can wash the crap down with water either, since they say it will dilute it... Really? I didn't think it mattered how much water you drank after you ate sugar, it is still in your blood. Anyways, they drew my blood and the woman there sucks! The first time she drew my blood, I knew I was going to suffer a massive bruise, and I did. This second time, I could tell she poked it too hard and sure enough I have a bruise. I hate people that aren't good at drawing blood. It hurts! Well, it's all well and done; I don't think I will subject myself to a glucose test next time around. They also had my hematocrit checked and all that. The nurse practitioner asked me if I ever had problems with anemia before. I was like ".... huh? Oh... No?" Then she went on to say that if my glucose doesn't come back normal I have to do the tolerance test blah blah. I said "I don't think you're going to find anything." And sure enough, what do the results say? Nothing. Go me!
So in case you really want to know, here is what is inside my womb:
And now I am going to eat something again. Hopefully I can actually get to that tree today...
So no, I did not start the HESI stuff. I basically did some shopping yesterday. I had to buy ink and crickets and other things like that. Today I emailed the school to find out how to get my transcripts evaluated. I think they should all be there by now. In any case, I would like them to start that so I can finish this application soon.
I am almost done with my room! I figured I could finish that today finally. I shredded so much paper from so long ago. Like Old insurance policies from cars I don't have anymore! Sheesh. I just have a few things left to find homes for. I also have stuff I need to send off to my mother. If I can get this room done, I can finally get moving on studying. I just can't "study" if my room is a disaster.
Not much else besides that. My job is okay too. I walk around a lot, so I get tired, but I am not mentally drained like I was being a dishwasher robot. This job is infinitely better. I am also still on the fence about having the kid here or in NY. I was thinking maybe I could just travel to NY after it is born? I dunno. Saving thousands is something to really consider!
I tried to accomplish a lot today. I almost (key almost) finished cleaning my desk and room (yes it is that cluttered), I managed to shop for some necessities, I bought a respirator so I can work with the spray glue and or paint, I called to get a pickup of my old stove, and finally took down the Christmas stuff OUTSIDE. Now I just took it down. I didn't put everything away. The tree is still up. Yes. It is still up.
Tomorrow I start on the third trimester! Yippee?? I dunno. All I know is that I am quickly getting too fat for my "fat clothes." I am not sure if I have to buy maternity clothes at this point or just keep getting fatter sizes. The problem is that the fat sizes have fatter legs too... so it fits my stomach but the legs are all loose. Ugh! I dunno. I wish I could just wear leggings to work!
I was looking at my feet today and, well my skinny days look like they are over. For now. However, my weight is distributed in a weird way I have never seen before. Mostly my ass, thighs, foreleg, and feet. The hell? Usually when I am heavier, I have the fat everywhere. Now I am becoming a fat butt. It is very strange. Well, I can't complain too much, it's "for the baby," right?
So today I was calling my insurance to see how the billing would work out. If I go to NY, I would have to use the FDX insurance, and that would wind up being up to 7x more than if I stayed here in AZ and used my coverage. I want to go to NY, but I am not interested in paying more money than I have to. I figured it would be neat to have my kid born in Brooklyn, but I don't know if it is worth the effort. I'd have to get TJ a plane ticket; I have to get a larger vehicle; I have to take my FMLA earlier; I have to find a place to deliver or do the prenatal care stuff; I would have to stay in my "room" for a month or so. Not sure if all of these appeal to me. If I stay here though, I will have the delivery alone, and won't be able to show the baby for quite a while. I can't just up and go to NY and certainly no one is visiting me. Oh well. I don't know. I guess I still have time to not decide, ha ha!
I was supposed to clear my desk so I can feel more organized, but that didn't go well. I need TJ to help me! I can't do so much of this by myself. Probably because it is too boring. Who the hell wants to organize papers? I sure don't. But it is preventing me from feeling ready to go so to speak.
I have not received my CCNY transcript yet. When I do, I will know that Gateway got theirs. Then I can take that HESI A2 test. I have some study stuff for it, but I am mostly focused on grammar. Everything else will be fine. We don't have to do much, just vocab, grammar, reading, and math. Much easier than the pre-nln I took. They made us take all the sections, when physics and stuff is not required. How stupid! Well, we all know how I feel about that school, so anyways, yeah.
By the way, I would LOVE to have a beef patty right about now! The website says they have them in Arizona.... LIES!!!!! Maybe someone could Fedex them to me?? HAHA yeah right!
I just spent a good portion of the morning reading old posts of my blog. All I can say is WOW!
Wow because I am reading all the crap I went thru that year (2004) and seeing where I am now... Wow! It is funny because (almost) all of the things I wanted or predicted for myself happened. I moved to Arizona finally, I finished the bachelor, got a "real" job, found a "real" man, married "real" man, and on and on! I am actually quite proud of myself. Although I never really intended to have a child, I can add that to the list of things I have that make me happy. I also have a Jeep, a house (two stories!), another awesome car, my own large desk, too much makeup for my own good, a personally designed wedding ring, two wonderful cats, a bread machine, a freezer (can't say much for my stupid fridge), a new stove, and small job to keep me company until I figure out what is going on with school. I'd say I have done really well!
Keeping that in mind, I was kind of sad/mad about the KCC thing. I realized I was NOT wrong for leaving them. They DO suck. THEY LOST THEIR ACCREDITATION! LOOK HERE! Now I feel vindicated and I KNOW I wasn't "crazy" for leaving. Also, now that I have done the med school thing and learned some very important stuff from that, I am ready to come back to nursing. I am definitely okay with picking up where I left off. As stated in a previous post (many year ago): "If I decide to persue nursing after my BS, I will go directly into a BSN program in Arizona. Why should I waste time? If that goes well, I will continue as I had planned, getting my MSN in psychiatric nursing and working for the USAF." (link) Well, I don't think I am going into the Air Force, but I think that the BSN path is a good option.
I do plan to stick with the Maricopa Nursing program, whether I get into the BSN program or not. It is a lot different from 10 years ago, or at least, out here is different. There are many programs to choose from to continue your education and I think getting the NP is a good alternative to med school. I get to stay home and get the support I need, I get to keep my job for the most part, I get to go slower and go part time, allowing me to have a family. I did think about the DO route, but, well, it's just as bad as med school because I would have to go out of state unless I go to the school in Glendale... which is a 45 mile drive?? No thanks. I think that this is the best plan. I was thinking that if I don't get into the BSN program right away, I could see about doing the MBA while I am waiting. Out here there is a huge wait list for nursing and sometimes it takes a very long time to get a spot. That is okay. I can either get another job or go to school. Whatever happens, I think this is the best path.
With that being said, I have completed getting my transcripts from the NY schools. Now I will wait a week or so and call Gateway to see if they got them. Next week or so, I will send off my transcripts from Arizona. When I do that I will also take their entrance exam, the HESI A2. I looked over some of the stuff and I definitely need to go over my grammar. HA! Otherwise, I would have took it yesterday. Anyways, I went to Gateway and copied some practice questions on grammar and spelling, so I will go over that before I take it. The test is walk-in, so I will take it when I have gone over the stuff. What I am hoping is that all my stuff gets in and I can complete my application before March 31. That way, I have time to apply to the BSN program, I think. If not, oh well, not a big deal, but I will try to expedite this.
Well, I have work today so I am not so thrilled, but it's nice to have a job for now.
After much talking, figuring, and assuming, I am once again going to try nursing in earnest. TJ and I have decided to apply to the programs nearby at community colleges. If I stay with my current company, I can have it paid for in its entirety depending on which program I take. This time, I am looking at something called a concurrent program, which allows you to get a bachelor in the time you would take to get the associate degree. That wouldn't be too bad. I am still wondering about the mepn program at UA. Since they still haven't gotten back to me, I am having some serious doubts about them. I just called Gateway and got a call back a couple days later. Then I emailed her, and she emailed me back. The counselor was very good. That gives me more confidence in their program. I don't want to spend money applying to a program that I may never get into anyways. The other problem with the UA program is that it is NOT and MSN. It is a master's degree. If I do that program, I will still be behind if I want to get the NP. I am not sure how much I would have to make up, but I am wondering if it is worth spending $40k on a program that doesn't exactly fit what I want. The concurrent program is much less risk, and still allows me what I want because I can take the bachelor classes with NAU, where I would want my master classes anyways. I decided not to get the LPN since it would prolong finishing the program if I like it. Of course, if I don't like it, I am not at a loss because the hospital will help me pay. I win either way!
I am looking at these/this program because: 1)I don't have to worry about going to Tucson. With a baby. And no husband. 2)It is lower cost and reimbursed through my job. 3)It is slower paced; I have summers off (well, no but the classes will be online) 4)I get credits to the school I would like to get the master/np from 5)If I want to stop at the bachelors, I can still get a decent job. Those are the main reasons, there are probably other reasons but they count less.
I know, I know. Back to this shit again! Well, I was debating everything as well, and I said "I need a job that pays what TJ makes, so when he "retires" he has the option of going part time if he wants to finish college. And he says he is very interested in finishing his bachelor degree, probably in history or something. He has about five or six years to "retirement" so I need to get a job in that time frame. I think that having a family has to make you think about doing something more "grounded" and stable, rather than blowing around in the wind. I can always go back to logistics (aka truck driving) when the kid(s) are old enough or when TJ finishes school. I was contemplating the MBA, but at this point, I am not sure spending $60k on a degree is the right thing to do. Especially on an MBA. I wouldn't mind getting it, but it costs a lot, and I am not guaranteed a high paying job in the end. I have the prerequisites for nursing (and occupational therapy, but I don't think I want to pursue that after all) and I think it is best if I can run with that somehow. It wouldn't be much longer than the mepn program, and I will have it paid for. I think that makes more sense economically. And for the child's sake. The problem with mepn is that I don't know when I will be home; the child will have to be in day care all day. With my current job, all my money may have to go to child care, but at least I will have money to pay for it, and I can use the one at my job when I am at work. Which is only for a few hours a week because I only work weekends! Ha Ha! Anyways, I am trying to figure out the best thing for "us" as a family, and not really what is best for "me." It actually makes life easier because I have no idea what I want for "me" anyways!
So today I am going to order all of my transcripts be sent to Gateway. I am also going to order a City College transcript for myself, since I actually don't have one. That prevented me from having a valid application with a CNA job at the Air Force. Well, not anymore! Then later this week I plan to take something called the HESI A2, which I assume is similar to the Pre-NLN. For this school, they only grade you on certain subjects, not all of them. I think I only have to go over some basic math, vocabulary, and grammar. I don't know grammar rules, nor do I care about grammar rules. However, I have to learn some of them to get this section right. Well, in any case, I am hoping that all my transcripts get sent away fast so the school can verify them and I can get on the list. Then I will apply for the concurrent thing after I finish a course in "pathophysiology." I will have to take it in the summer, as I was planning to take it now, but the dumbass at Gateway didn't tell me when the bill was due, so I was dropped for not paying. Sigh. Anyways, I can take it in the summer at Gateway, and possibly Scottsdale, but I am not sure yet. If I can get it at Gateway, I will take it there. I have to wait until some "info session" happens before I can apply, but that is okay.
And such will be the day. Hopefully, I can get somewhere with this.
So I finally got to see a doctor, and actual MD. For ten minutes.
I previously wrote about another place I stopped going to, Goodman and Partridge, or whatever they are called. Absolutely hate that place! Yes, they do 3D sonograms, but they won't check if it's covered. And my scan was denied. I will have to call the insurance to make them pay. After all, I went to a preferred provider, on their list, and I am not going to be stuck with some bill for two seconds of 3D sonogram. I haven't received a bill yet for this, but I am sure I will. I will contact the insurance soon and ask what is up. So beware people! You think you are doing everything right and you still get denied! And the insurance that was used was the top tier. We paid good money for that coverage. This year, I opted for the cheaper one since I was going to have my own through the hospital. Oh well. More stress thanks to medicine!
Anyways, I was saying that I finally went to see the doctor, who, if I stay in AZ to give birth, will deliver the baby. I talked to her for literally ten minutes. About nothing more than what is going to happen on the next visit. I don't really have any questions or concerns, so I can't really say it was an enlightening experience. I don't really understand this whole prenatal care business. They don't really do anything. They check my weight, blood pressure, make me pee in a cup, measure my belly, and check the heartbeat with that doppler thing. Big deal. I've been doing all that except measuring my belly, which is useless to me. Well, I don't use a doppler either, I use a fetal stethoscope. I've been feeling it kick throughout the day, so I don't really have any concerns. So when people learn that I didn't see anyone for prenatal "care" until four months in, they are shocked. Whatever. I will wind up paying for crap I don't need (3D sonogram) or having to argue with too many people about costs.
Yesterday I was trying to organize my clothes. I did okay, and I realize that a LOT of clothes have to go. Especially my "fat clothes." I saved them after I lost weight "just in case" I would gain again. Didn't happen. Then I saved them for pregnancy. Well, I blew past those sizes so fast I never had a chance to wear them. I highly doubt I will need those sizes again, so I think it is safe to get rid of them. It's just shorts and the like. I can always get those again since most were from Walmart. Next time I get pregnant, I will just stick with leggings or something. I have a few pairs, but its been cold enough that I need pants. I have been basically getting by with wearing one pair of pants and now I have two that I wear, almost back to one because that is getting too small. Since I plan on taking maternity leave, I won't need to wear those "fat sizes" since I will most likely drop through those sizes after the baby is born. I say this with confidence because I know how to lose weight now. I have no worries about it, and I know I will lose weight.
But today I have to work in the afternoon. I hope TJ comes home before I leave, but I guess it's good if he does overtime and makes money. More money is better than less money. Speaking of money, I am still trying to decide what to do with myself. UA hasn't gotten back to me yet. I am thinking I may not want to do that program after all. We will see. There is a lot to consider, which I will write about in the coming days. For now, I am going to fold up all my skinny clothes and put them away. I need some closet space!