:: The Headache Diaries ::

:: The Headache Diaries ::


Welcome! Enjoy some of the finer pages of online ramblings out there! If you have found this page through BlogSpot, please visit my homepage using the links on the sidebar. Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log. I also like to log other things such as people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like.

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:: 1.25.2010 ::

Day Five Done, Four More Days To Go

My last Monday at Fedex went well enough. I didnt see my usual annoying customers so I was happy about that. I had a bad headache and my neck still hurts but everything went well.

I am still thinking about "how its going to be" and if I will fail, or maybe, this was all a bad decision. But when I go to work I see how much of a hole Im in and I am reassured that this was the best decision.

What bothers me most is that I put some years into a job that gave me nothing in return. I don;t feel like a value addition and I am easily replaceable. I just feel like some kind of robot person. I just think its stupid that all these years I spent trtying to get ahead and I all get is the chance to quit my job. Everything I achieved and gained in this company is because I asked for it or found out how to get it. My managers have not helped me much in moving up to be someone. My husband says its because I am a good worker and that they dont want to lose good workers so it would be to their disadvantage to lose you by helping you move up. I suppose he is right but holding people back is stupid. I guess I knew this day was coming. I knew I wasnt going to be with Fedex forever. Especially after so many rejections. Oh well. Im not tall enough or something to work here I guess.

I guess one could also say that I should have changed careers or went back to school a long time ago. Yes, I suppose I could have but that would have left me trapped in NY and probably no closer to finding the love of my life. I consider that to be a very important part of life. So now I have all the foundations I need and only now is the time to persue this. Before I had no support, but now I do. Now I can really shine. Now I have the foundations to get every scrap I am entitled to if I can find it.

Ugh, my neck is hurting. I hope I can make it thorugh the week without hurting it even more. I guess I will have plenty of time to rest, hahah!!

Day four, here I come!

:: Jane Dee 10:02:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 1.24.2010 ::
My Last Week

So I guess the word is out about what Im going to do with my life. I do feel better letting everyone know what is going on. This week is going to be my last week at Fedex and I hope it goes smoothly.

I have a lot of plans and catching up to do. I cleaned out my computer and I am ready to go. I have to catch up with my chemistry and physics. Then I have to find ways to save more money. Im pretty excited that I will have so much time to study and that I have a better chance of getting into the Arizona program.

I also plan to fix up my website. I know Ive said that a million times before, but I think I will have more motivation to do it as a reward for studying.

Tomorrow I will have a better update.

:: Jane Dee 11:07:00 PM [+] ::
...
:: 1.11.2010 ::
Phase 1 Action Plan A Complete

The last 22 posts are from my secret blog! So read up and catch up. I will update later!

:: Jane Dee 2:25:00 PM [+] ::
...
1/10/2010
Well, at least that was I have been saying on Facebook. I havent told everyone yet, just my mother, my sister and her fiancee. Next on the list is Louisa, then Shente, then Alex. And then I will post on Facebook and on my webpage and other blog.

The good news is that my mother seems real happy for me. She says she is going to pray for 9 days, then she switched it to 21 days. She said she will pray to make the possible impossible meaning U of A will not discriminate against me because of my age even if I do okay on the MCAT. Hopefully, they will see Im a good candidate for that dual program and when Im done with work, I will do whatever I can to show that I am serious about this when I volunteer. Im not quite sure what that means but it will solidify soon enough.

Im kind of anxious to see what Louisa will say. Will she think its a stupid idea? Maybe she will say Im too old? (I just turned 29) Maybe she will be all for it?

In any case, Im also excited about my shopping expedition on Wednesday. Im going to go to an outlet mall and see if I can find a new suit and some business casual clothes so I have something to wear when I volunteer etc. I also would like to have clothes that are more business-y because Im trying to get out of the job uniform mentality. (My job requires me to wear a uniform) I would also like to just wear some real clothes for a change.

I was considering wearing my old lab coat while I study every now and then to help me stay motivated. Not that Im going to need that much motivation, as I am very, very excited about this. I actually cant wait to leave my job to get started on this! WOOT! WOOT!

Not that anyone wouldnt be happy to leave their job, but I had to get used to this idea. I am glad its finally sinking in. Telling people actually fuels my motivation. I don't feel so isolated. I also feel more whole, if that makes any sense. I think I have finally found what I was looking for. It's lofty, but I cant have it any other way.

Things look good now.

:: Jane Dee 2:20:00 PM [+] ::
...
1/04/2010
Thats my official last day of work.

I even wrote up my letter of resignation but my manager wasnt there today, oh well. I left my request to have the rest of my personal days used up. I will use my week off to come back to NY to tell everyone of my plans and that this time its the real thing. No matter what happens, I was going to change "careers" if you can call my job a career. I suppose some people could make something out of it, but I dont see why I should toil away here.

I also have been talking my husband's ear off about my fears about quitting. He wishes he could quit now. In fact, he said he would quit in a heartbeat if he could. I feel bad because I think he dislikes the job more than I do. I wish he could quit, but one of us has to work!

Anyway, I keep telling myself this is for the best and that the only way to be successful is to take risks in life. Not that this is a big risk but its very uncomfortable. Who wants to lose a paycheck? Well, I can eat rice and beans for a year if I have to I can make it work.

I am still hopeful about getting in at U of A and getting the dual degree. Of course, I may not get in and I am still hopeful that I will be a physician even if it means I have to be a D.O.

What else I will do is repost the entries to this blog onto the blog everyone knows I have. That way, when I tell them the news, they can backtrack everything they missed by reading my blog. I am not sure if I want to redo my website or the blog to make it more focused on my new goals, but I will definately start posting whats really going on at the other blog. Sorry people for being a bit secretive! I just hadnt figured it all out yet and now I have more strength and confidence.

I still have some loose ends to tie up at work, like what to do with my 401K. I wonder if I can roll it over into my bank or something. I have to call them soon.

So thats it! Just a month to go and I will be on my own trying to get my future together. I hope it will be worth it!

:: Jane Dee 2:10:00 PM [+] ::
...
12/31/09
It is final. I am leaving my job and going to study full time.

I have already moved my vacation up and I am going to take it next month (January). I will announce my decisions and career paths to my friends and family and when I return I will submit my two week notice to my employer. I should call my 401K provider to see how to roll it over or something. I will also have two personal days left I will use. I should be out of there by mid-February but most likely sooner.

I must say I am very, very nervous about this decision. My job has been my security blanket for over five years now and I am also scared about not getting a paycheck. I know so many people right now would say "OMG! You want to leave your job NOW in this economic climate? What will you do?" I wonder, is there anytime thats best to leave your job? Even if is was a great economic time, there would be a good reason not to leave. Think of all the money I'd be leaving behind. Or perhaps all the opportunity. Whatever! Its never a "good" time to quit if you look at it that way.

Its true I wanted to keep this job while in school if I got accepted where I live. But after being shot down about working one day a week, it didnt seem worth it anymore. Id have to quit eventually. I also didnt like how Id have to be at work my regular schedule while going to organic chemistry.

The other problem with work is that my managers created a bit of a mess with a particular customer. I just wanted to trade with someone because I didnt want to deal with that customer. This customer was always giving me gifts and trying to get my number and it was getting annoying. So what do they do? they blow the whole thing out of proportion and have a meeting with our HR and their HR and all this nonsense and for what? Id STILL have to deal with this customer! So whats the point? So lately Ive been trading places with my husband when this customer shows up. The question is how long am I supposed to do this for? Now its VERY uncomfortable to deal with the customer because of all the stupidity they created. They dont care, they dont have to deal with it. I do.

Of course thats not the reason I need to resign. As it stands, It will take me over 20 years to make the "top salary" doing this job. Of course I can keep trying to get manager positions or trainer positions, but right now they are not hiring for that. So for the past year and a half I have been searching for a new career. The pilot thing didnt work out because I dont have the money for that. I couldnt get a loan big enough to cover the expenses. Well, the next choice was pharmacist (again, hello 1998) but I noticed that the PCAT was very similar to the MCAT and the prerequisites were similar to doctor AND the doctor got reimbursed from the government if you worked for them. So after some research and deliberation, I decided to follow the MD path.

So here I am scared to leave my job because I have some fear of the unknown. The internet doesn't help much with so many snooty people saying all sorts of negativities.

Its time for work.

:: Jane Dee 2:05:00 PM [+] ::
...
12/28/09
So here I was thinking that would be able to finish chemistry by the end of December. WRONG!

I don't think Ive studied at all this month.

After talking to my manager, she only gave me two days off. So basically, I'd be working Monday, Tuesday, and rotate between Wednesday and Thursday. She also said it was to be temporary and that when I was to go to class, I would have to come back and pretty much work 30 hours again. At first I was okay with it, but after talking to my husband, it sounded worse and worse. I really wanted Saturday and nothing else, but it seems I cant get that. He and I both agree that I woudl work faster and get more done and probably get a higher score if I actually LEFT work (if I couldnt get one day only). I did some basic calculations and apparently we COULD manage on one salary and still have some money to save.

This is all I have been thinking about: leaving my job once and for all. I came to the conclusion that I could last to the end of the fiscal year so I could get all my vacation and sick days, but now it seems like I am going to waste a lot of precious time doing that. Not only do I need time to study, I need to time to take a year of orgo and volunteer somewhere and get aquainted with a doctor because I need people to recommend me. I was thinking that I would need my managers as recommenders but I check with all the schools Im interested in and it turns out that I dont need their recommendations afterall. My husband suggested that I move my vacation up to use that up, forget the sick days or just take them and just leave. he said he would try to get more hours or get another job somewhere. I see his point.

Id really like to get going with this. I dont want to put it off any longer just for the sake of haveing some extra money. I think our tax return will pay off most of the car and it wouldn't be that much of a burden anyway. Then there is the issue with my teeth. It will probably cost me around $2000 to get my teeth fixed even with my insurance (the high estimate). I think most dentists will give you interest free payments, so that would help. When all is said and done, I think that we would have about $4000 to pay off on a single income. I can use some of my savings to cover some more of the bill and I was planning to use every cent I make to pay this off.

The benefit is that I will have a better career! Im going nowhere now. I assumed that by the time I finish school, the economy would pick up so then there would be opportunities at my work, but who cares? By that time I can be on my way to a new career. I think this small sacrifice is worth it, even if I have to eat beans everyday. Well, im pretty sure I can afford tofu, but you get what I mean.

Tonight Im going to recalculate everything again. I want to make sure this is really the way. Because if it is, I will leave my job by the end of February. HA!

:: Jane Dee 2:00:00 PM [+] ::
...
12/14/09
Well, staring in January that is.

I met up with my manager and she agreed to let me have two days off a week. It's not exactly what I wanted (work Friday and Saturday) but it will help me. My new schedule will be Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday will switch. That gives me three days off (because I spend time with the hubby on Sunday). Then when I am ready to take the organic chemistry, she said she would work with me so I can have the days off or whatever I need to fit the classes in. Although I will be working everyday when I have my class, at least I can go to school near the house or the ramp.

So the new plan is that I stick with the original plan: study chem and organic on my own then take the MCAT. If I do well enough, I can take the classes in school and apply to med school after. Now I just have to pick which school I want to go to (near work or home) so I can buy the textbook to study with. My three top picks are Scottsdale Community College, Mesa Community College, and South Mountain Community College. Of course, I could pay more and try to fancy up my record and go to ASU. The problem is that ASU is not some great school with some awesome acedemic reputation. I personally dont think it makes a difference especially since Im applying to a state school, a few other public schools, and some foreign schools. None of which said they dont take community college credits.

So for the rest of this month, I hope to be almost finished with chemistry. Im about seven lessons from the end. I should definately be done in January. Physics is lagging along but Im not focusing too heavily on physics because I took a practice MCAT (from the MCAT website not Kaplan) and I did totally awesome on the physics questions, I got almost all of them right. Needless to say I was shocked. So basically, I am just going over the concepts and making flashcards for formulas and main ideas. I am focusing more on the chemistry because my education was so lacking in chemistry. Plus I have to take organic and I need to do well. To do well, I need to fill in the gaps of my crappy chemistry education. What's sad is that most of my knowledge is recalled from my high school AP classes, not my college classes.

When I finish the chem and physics, Im going to take another official MCAT practice test. I want to see if I actually improved my science score. I know I will do poor on the organic part, but that's okay.

Im pretty excited and Ive only told two people now: some guy I see at a warehouse (is not a coworker though) and one friend who lives far from everyone and doesnt have contact with anyone else I know. I was thinking that if I do okay on the MCAT that I will tell everyone else. I wasnt going to tell anyone until I got accepted somewhere, but I dont know yet.

Right now, things are looking good!

:: Jane Dee 1:30:00 PM [+] ::
...
12/10/09
Trying to study and work at the same time is not working for me anymore. For the past couple of weeks I have been planning on reducing my hours at work so that I can study for longer periods during the day. Whats been happening is that I wake up and eat and do those sorts of things and by the time Im starting to really get into the work, it's time to leave. I also learned that I have to catch up on my house stuff on Saturday and then Sunday is my only day off with my husband so I dont study. I guess you could say that I could get up earlier and forfeit my time with my husband but I doesnt seem to work that way.

I guess I finally realilzed that my job doesnt do anything but give me money. Im not going to advance in the company, Im not going to get top pay anytime soon (co-workers have been with the company for more than 15 years are still not topped out) and I dont really feel like wearing myself out with this job. The problem is that the studying is taking too long. I really wanted to be finished by the end of the year with chemistry but I dont think that is going to happen. Im almost there, but I have a ways to go and given how much I have to put in to catch up, it will take longer than a month. Then the other problem is that when I am ready to take organic chemistry, I may have to take the first part in one school and the second part in a nother school just to accomodate my job. I really cant do that because my transcript looks bad enough. I can keep looking like someone who just keeps jumping from one thing to another. If I reduce my hours, I can go to the school right near the house and take the whole year course without any problems.

The other advantage is that I will be done with the studying and prerequisites and the MCAT faster, thus getting me into school faster. That means a lot when you are "old" like me. Even if the med school thing doesnt work out I can try for DO school or even a PA if it really looks dismal. The bottom line is that I need a new career and even though the economy is bad, I dont see why that should stop me.

I would like to talk to my manager tomorrow so she has the weekend to think about it and see if she can accomodate my scheduling proposal. Wish me luck! My future is at stake!

:: Jane Dee 1:00:00 PM [+] ::
...
11/03/09

:: Jane Dee 12:54:00 PM [+] ::
...
10/12/09
I just finished my at home tutorial on bonding and I feel so enthusiastic and motivated, I just KNOW Im going to be able to finish the chemistry by the end of the year, maybe even earlier.

The new dilemma now is whether I will complete organic chem at home then take the MCAT or just try to get into an orgo class in the spring and take the MCAT after that class. I am leaning more towards the former idea only because I am scared to take organic after being out of school so many years, that I want to at least get a heads up in the class by using my videos. That way I am more likely to get at least a B, even though I would rather have an A. I cant get lower than a B if I want to be competitive, and an A would look good given Ive been out of school so long.

Im motivated because I have a great chance at going to MD school in the Caribbean. I didnt know of what an awesome oportunity I can have if I apply to these schools. Whats also amazing is that you only have to stay in the Caribbean for less than two years. The rest of your education is in the US! How awesome is that? What else is great is that these schools are affiliated with hospitals in NYC and CA. Both of which are great options for me - in NY, I can live with my mother and in CA, I am closer to my home. I am just so happy and elated that these options are open to me and I can have a chance to be an MD.

I actually can't wait to study now, LOL! I am so excited that NOW I have a real reason to do this enormous task!

:: Jane Dee 10:30:00 AM [+] ::
...
10/08/09
I just finished my 11th tutorial in chemistry and I am now at the halfway point in my chemistry studies. HOORAY!

In other good news, I re-discovered the schools in the Carribean and I must say, I am VERY interested in attending Ross University. The good thing about Ross et al, is that I dont have to waste all my time studying for the MCAT to get an awesome score to make up for my age and how long it took me to get through school. At ross, I can get a lower MCAT and still get in where I can then strut my stuff and get a fully accredited MD degree. This has an advantage because its on par for price with out-of-state school prices for the MD and actually cheaper than most DO schools, especially the DO school near me, which Id most likely apply to. Therefore, I can get into MD school for less cost than a DO school! How awesome is that?

The thing that really gets me going an motivated now more than I was before was that I just took a practice MCAT exam from the mcat official website. So its a real practice test with actual questions that were given. Keep in mind that I NEVER took organic chem, I only took biology in high school as a college credit (from a real university) in 1997 - 1998, and I just started to review physics and chem from stuff Ive done in 1999, and the chem I learned was terrible. So I just took the practice test and answered everything as fast as I could, barely did any math on paper and scored an equivalent 23! How amazing! I may actually be smart, lol! I was so relieved! And what makes it even better is that I got almost ALL of the physics questions RIGHT! And, I didnt do too shabby on the chem and bio! I totally bombed the orgo, getting about 5 right out of all the questions, but that was not a surprise. So this means that If I were to take the MCAT now, I could score about a 23 and get into DO schools and the Carribean schools! How amazing is that?

The best part of all this is that I am better in physics than I thought AND that means I dont have to study the physics so hard AND that means that I can get through chem faster AND that means that I can take the organic class I need faster. WHOOHOO!!

This is great news!

So now Im off to look up some problems on quantum numbers.

:: Jane Dee 10:00:00 AM [+] ::
...
10/02/9
The whole month of September was pretty much a wash. I am annoyed because I try to get a schedule going to study and everytime Im on a roll, something comes up. Well, not all the interruptions were bad but deep down I wish I didnt have any interruptions!

My husband's family came to visit and although it was only a weekend pretty much, I was notified at almost the last minute (two days notice?) that we would be having five people over. I was annoyed because I was really on a roll and sticking to my schedule and I was determined to get more studying done on my weekends (well, basically Saturday). So after that was over I tried to get back into the swing of things but we decided that we were going to take our first cruise for our September vacation. The problem was that we needed new clothes and clothes for the formal nights on the ship. My husband and I had neither of these types of clothes so you know what took up some other weekends afterwards.

The day before our cruise, my husband calls me and tells me that he just got word that his grandfather died and that he wants to forfeit the cruise so he can "be there." Be there for what I dont know given that no one knew when the funeral would be anyway. I convinced him not to throw away our $1,000 vacation investment because I wasnt going to forfeit my vacation for a funeral. I also told him that funerals are for the people that are alive and the person who is dead doesnt know or care if you come to the funeral. Then he finds out that the funeral would probably be towards the end of the week so it would be silly to cut our vacation short just to cram oursleves in his grandmothers house to wait around for a funeral. I guess my arguments worked well. We wound up going on the cruise but I did feel bad for him because he felt bad that he wasnt there for the funeral.

Personally, I could care less about funerals because they are too dramatic. I can understand if it is for a young person who was in a horrible accident but not for someone who is almost 90 years old and lived a great life and had all these people around him etc etc. I am just being realistic. Im still alive and I only get two weeks vacation a year. Im not giving that up to see a funeral.

So we had a fantastic time and I loved almost every minute of it and I would surely do it again. However, I was upset that I did lose yet another week and still had to take more (unpaid) days off to visit his grandmother. Believe it or not, his grandmother didnt even go to the funeral!!!! HAHA! Apparently she fell the night before and hurt her rib and didnt want to go the next day. Although I say YEAH RIGHT, it was quite funny to me that she didnt go and later myu husband said he felt better about not going since she didnt even go. I dont know why he felt bad in the first place but she was happy to see us and personally, I think it was better to see her after because no one stuck around after the funeral except one daughter. And from what she said, there was a big fight about what kids get what stuff of grandpa's and blah blah blah and all these tears and bickering. I told my husband that it was better he didnt cut off the vacation to hear everyone fighting. Besides the only one that needs comfort is the grandmother. And I think what we did and our timing was the best way to do it.

So now I am back home and its already October and I have not done much work in the MCAT arena. I was last at inclined planes and now I dont remember much of what I did. I also dont think I remember much of what else I did for the the first month or so since I have no consistent schedule. I am becoming worried that I will take too long to finish my goals and will take the MCAT when Im 33.

So I had an idea. I remember seeing an advertisement for some Mexican medical school a few years ago when I was wondering what I would do since I was leaving nursing. I took a quick peek at some of the international schools and I think this may be the way to go. Although I do think I have a good shot at getting into a D.O. school, I am still keeping my hopes up for M.D. school. I would need to score pretty high to get consideration because I am not a traditional student, so I assume, and at the pace Im going with this studying, I dont know if I will score high enough in a reasonable amount of time. Apparently its unrealistic to think that I can finish up the physics and chem before the year is up. I still have to take one year of organic chemsitry and at this pace I dont know when I will take it. The original plan was to use the videos I bought to learn chem, physics, bio, and orgo, take the MCAT and if I did well enough, I would take the organic. If I didnt do well enough, I was to move onto something else. Sounded good at the time its just that I planned to be further along than this. Plan B was to start getting up earlier so I could have a bigger block of time with each lesson hoping that would help. I havent had the chance to try it yet, but I also want to look further into these international schools.

Well I have about an hour before work, so I am going to look up some more schools.

:: Jane Dee 9:00:00 AM [+] ::
...
8/18/09
I was not moving as afst as Id liked because I was bogged down on some topic on the official MCAT syllabus that I couldnt find anywhere. Well, I decided to move on anyway. I was also slowed down because all of my book were conflicting with each other about what topic goes where. So all that was settled with the official MCAT syllabus. As for the topics I cant find adequate answers to, I developed a very high tech system: I will write them on index cards and look them up later somehow and then write the answer on the card or some other piece of paper. Wow, its fascinating I know.

Some days, I feel pumped and ready for action, like I can take on this test and score really well. Other days, I feel like I am so stupid for taking on this beast and I am sure to fail. Somedays I get so frustrated with work that I want to get away NOW and take the PA courses. Well, I guess I just have to keep my head up high and keep plugging along.

I bought the 400 page guide to the MCAT and it came with a test at a discount. So now I have two tests to help me guide my studying. What I plan to do is look at these two tests and get an idea of how they ask questions for certain topics. That way I will know how to look at the topic when I study it. I know that the MCAT says its a "thinking test" but I cant imagine how much thinking youd have to do when it comes to the physics or biology section. I guess I will see how that looks.

Right now, I am going to watch another chemistry lesson. I hope I can finish the chem and physics by the end of the year if not sooner. I just want to get the chemistry down so when I take the MCAT and do well, I can take organic chemsitry in school and do well.

Everyday I just keep telling myself all the benifits of what this hard work will do for me. Thats the only way I can manage the tedium.

:: Jane Dee 8:30:00 AM [+] ::
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8/08/09
Tests are $35. Not bad, thought they would be more.

I downloaded the topics and essay prompts. I think I can write the essays on this blog, LOL!!!

I can write an essay on ... "The best way to fight injustice is to expose it."

Hmm...

:: Jane Dee 8:00:00 AM [+] ::
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8/08/09
Im almost through VSEPR theory in hybridization and ionic bonding... These two chapters are going to be really long because these are the two chapters I never studied... payin' for it now, ha!

Anyways, my new sleep/wake schedule is working out great! I feel so much better studying in the morning before work than I did trying to study at night after work. I think living in a warm place with tons of sun really helps that out.

So now Im off to the MCAT website to see how much old tests are...

:: Jane Dee 7:30:00 AM [+] ::
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7/24/09
So here I was all upset that I wasnt able to study because of dumb memories... well guess what, I overcame that nusiance!

All I did was switch my schedule!

Thats right, now all I do is wake up at 8am, and study BEFORE work and voila! no more problems!

Ive actually been doing much better on this schedule. I dont have headaches when I wake up and I am more focused when I am studying.

Ive also noticed that I am having happier memories when I study. I am remembering more of the schoolwork I learned in the first place too. How nice!

So I've finished motion in a straight line and got through ions and such. I am pretty much on pace with what I wanted to do. Tomorrow I review what I learned and keep moving. I am vey excited.

Hurrah!

:: Jane Dee 7:00:00 AM [+] ::
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7/08/09
Well this just sucks.

Here I am trying to study for this test, and I am constantly bombarded with past memories. I am thinking about things that make me sick! I thought it would stop, but I am having flashbacks to things I shouldn't.

One especially troubling memory that I thought was over with was that "person." What an enigma. And a headache. Im remembering things that make me upset because he was such a turd. Once again, he is interrupting my studies!

I had a crush on this person in college and I cant even go into detail the crazy story here but I know it very well and it makes me annoyed. It was nice that he was a good distraction but he was also something that drove me nuts with confusion. And now here I am being reminded of his story just because I am revisiting my old classes (physics and chemistry are the two subjects Im studying now) and even happen to buy the same textbook I used in chem class! ARGH!! This is not working the way I want it to.

The other problem I am having is motivation. I keep saying "Im going to study" but nothing doing. I really have no idea how to handle this enornous task. One part of me is saying "I dont want to do this" but another part is saying "you could probably do this!" so I am in a constant struggle. At least today I got through a vocabulary lesson. I don't think this night studying thing is working out for me. I am tempted to wake up early but I hate that and I dont want this to be a painful experience. I am also still waiting on a physics book but that just seems like another excuse.

Sigh.

Well, Im going to go back to looking at my chem text... the one that I hated in the first place!!

:: Jane Dee 6:30:00 AM [+] ::
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6/30/2010
But Im making it!

So I am trying to get aquianted with the study process after being out of school for over three years and havent touched a science class in about eight years. It's been slow and Ive hit some bumps in the road, but Im ironing them out as the days go on.

Some of my bumps were buying extra stuff to complete my study nights. This included a small computer, a case for it, an external DVD drive, a lap desk, and an upgrade on my external broadband card. Then I realized I need some extra help since Im so unpracticed. So I bought some "Dummies" books on chemistry and physics and their workbook companions. I also bough a chemistry textbook (I sold mine back because I hated it - and here I am buying a similar Zumdahl book!). And to round it out for now, I bought an MCAT review book. It took me a while to figure out what books to buy. I had to take them out of the library and compare them to all these other books out there and still I was hesitant. I just hope I am doing the right thing for once.

I really want this. However, I am not going to persue it as if it were KCC 1999 again. I dont want to stress myself out too much. I want it but not at any price. I am so done with doing things like that.

So my original plan seems to be working out okay. Ive been doing one lesson each from chem and physics at night and taking notes. I bought the dummies books to supplement the videos Im working with and to have examples to work with. If there is one thing I definately need to do is PRACTICE PROBLEMS. The thing I hated most was just not having enough problems to work with to really understand what I was doing. Not this time. I will scour the earth for enough practice problems.

Another snag I was coming across that was distracting me was that everytime I was doing a lesson, I would remember (or is it more of a flashback?) where I was when I did that in class and then I would remember how I felt and what I was doing in my life and what my home was like and how I hated everything. Not good for concentrating on studies. So I took last week really slow because it was really making me upset. I had a long talk with the husband and I was able to complete a whole lesson without too much trouble. So maybe I wont be so distracted anymore. I have my fingers crossed.

Im still trying to work out what to do while im at work. Everyday is so variable that I cant actually plan out what I will be doing. I was trying to read some B-Books, but I wonder if I could better use my time studying for the GMAT? I mean, I can always read those after the test? The problem is that I need some of those books to create a business plan that I think would be helpful to mention when I apply to B-School dual program. Of course, I can apply for the dual degree up until the second year of med school! So Im not sure what the hurry would be. I am reading a book on Six Sigma, and its pretty interesting, so I am assuming it cant hurt. The other reason why I am not all thrilled about studying for the GMAT at work is that I dont know if I will have a 10 minute session or a two hour session. I guess I can try it and see what happens? Will it interfere with my MCAT studies? Would I find it not as interesting? Will I find it more interesting?

Also in my hiatus from this blog, I looked up every school that I would want to go to or that may take me. I only have about 6 schools and one of them is YALE (snicker). I mean really, if Yale were to take me, Id be really happy but a bit confused, but not really. I do like their approach to learning. Other than that, I have a few DO schools in mind and a couple of them offer dual degrees! So all is not lost if I score even an average score. This makes me very happy.

The videos I am working with are finally getting to the technical stuff and I am starting to feel a little more "pumped" than I was last week. I dont know what force of nature is making me think I can do this, but it sure is powerful. Its good though because at this point in my life I really have no goals and I dont like that. I was more hopeful about the manager thing at my work but I just dont think that will work out because I have been rejected more than I would like. I do think its because I lack some skills but still. If you are trying to find someone to work for you after posting for months, why not take a chance on me? Well, no one wants to, so that is why I am changing direction. Go me!

OH! How about building my vocabulary at work? That isnt distracting from anything and it would be fun! I DID buy a word builder book... hmmm... I DO need to know words for the GMAT and the MCAT verbal section and essays on both... hmm.

Okay till next time!

:: Jane Dee 6:00:00 AM [+] ::
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6/13/09
My study videos work on my new computer. Thats good.

Still working on some kind of schedule. Pft. Im pathetic.

:: Jane Dee 5:00:00 AM [+] ::
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6/12/2010
Its been two weeks since I wanted to start my studies and I have found it to be hard to get started. I think most of it comes from me wanting to see my new snazzy computer I bought to take with me to work. I pick it up tomorrow!! YAY!

Right now Im listening to "Born to be Alive" and its pretty uplifting in the comical sense.

So I am supposed to make my study schedule but instead I am just listening to disco and playing computer games. This is not condusive to being an MD/MBA!!

Okay so here we go.

I have two tests I want to take: The MCAT and the GMAT

The MCAT has a lot of content. I have to study chemistry, physics, biology, and organic chemistry, as well as practice verbal and writing fast.

The GMAT is not as crazy, but has its moments. It has an essay section, a math section, and a verbal section.

I also have some extra material in book form that I want to cover. These are books about how to run a small business and some business statistics.

So the beta plan was to come home, make dinner, hang out with the husband and since he gets sleepy at about 10pm, I would start my studies and he would go to sleep. I would then alternate my studies, like one hour each of two subjects with one hour or so of review each night. Something like this: MONDAY: 1hr each of chemistry and physics; 1.5hr of review and note review. TUESDAY: 1hr each of biology and GMAT studies (because I wont start the ORGO until I finsh the chem) with 1.5hr of review. This would go on until I finish the review courses. Then it would turn into pure MCAT/GMAT studies like continuous practice test taking. During the day at work, I can review what I did the night before or I can read some business books.

I think it may take well over a year just to get to the point to take the test. Then I'd have to take organic chemistry in school because I dont have that class. So thats another year. Or at least one full semester and summer classes.

When I think about the time this will take, I feel like this is a stupid idea.

But is there a better way to pass a few years? What else can I do? The job I have no is not going to promote me anytime soon. This is actually my best option.

And that if I get in, I can goto school for free. That helps.

:: Jane Dee 4:00:00 AM [+] ::
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6/09/09
I have now finished and set up my study space. My white board is all hung up and I am ready to start my studies in a few days.

Right now I am waiting on my new computer! I ordered a new computer that I should be able to take almost anywhere and be able to study at work or home.

Tomorrow, I will set up my notebooks and study sessions. I will do a practice run tomorrow. I hope all goes well.

By the end of the week, I should have a good idea about my study schedule and be on my way to passing that MCAT!

I am pretty excited about all this. I am very ready to start and I hope I can do it. I want to be able to be something!

:: Jane Dee 3:39:00 AM [+] ::
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5/22/09
So here it is: my secret blog! This blog is for me and the people clever enough to find it. I am going to use this blog to document my progress towards getting into medical school. I really need to have this blog because I havent told anyone but my husband about my plans for medical school.

Ive wanted to try to get into med school since maybe 2004 or 2005 when I was taking nursing classes and realized that I can do better. I like the field, but I also like being in charge. I wanted to go to med school but before I moved, I had barely any resources. At least now I settled down with someone in a place I want to be and I can finally focus on me!

Actually, when I was finally finishing up my bachelor's I was entertaining the idea of getting an MBA. This was because I thought med school was out of the question. Now that I am where I am, I think I am actually going to try for both!

Yeah that's right, Im going to try my darndest to get that dual degree, however, I understand the complexities of it all so, of course, we will see how that goes. In the meantime, I have been thinking about how I am going to approach this med school thing.

First off, I had bought some DVDs that are equivalent to going to school to learn chemistry, organic, bio and physics. It would be really hard for me to go back to real school so I opted for these courses to take at home. I can do them late at night because I have a sleep disorder. Well, its only a disorder if it interferes with stuff and right now it doesnt so I guess its not a disorder.

Second, I still kept my GMAT books, so I plan to study for that test as well.

My plan so far is to work on the four courses, well, three first then organic, after dinner with my husband and work on them until maybe 2am or 3am, which is about my betime or earlier. After completing the courses, I will use one of those MCAT study guides to help with the other stuff on the test. Then I will take the MCAT and see how I do. If I do well, I will enroll at the community college and take organic chemistry. That should go well. While Im taking the organic at school, I will study for the GMAT. Then I will take the GMAT.Then I will apply to med school dual degree program. If I get in, I will rejoice. All this should take about two years. So get ready.

I forgot to mention that I also plan to volunteer. Maybe at the library and a medical office or something similar. I also have a stack of small business books I need to read. This is so I can gain some knowledge about business so when they ask why I want to be in this program, I can show them my business plan. Or something similar. I would also need to get to know a few doctors so I can have a recomendation from them.

This sounds like a lot, but I think its doable.
'Till next time!

:: Jane Dee 2:32:00 AM [+] ::
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:: 1.10.2010 ::
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


This will all make sense very soon.

:: Jane Dee 11:48:00 PM [+] ::
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