:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: The Headache Diaries (Retired) ::

:: 10.26.2004 ::

Bored and Waiting

I am waiting for 1pm to roll around so i can make another appearance at the chairman's office to see if i can get my credits evaluated.

Ah his name was Piaget... I wanted to remember it in case the chair asks me what we learned about. You never know...

:: Jane Dee 10:29:00 AM [+] ::
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God Wants Me To Take The Bus

Not only is my neck and shoulders in pain, but I am annoyed, very annoyed. I wore my glasses today and my prof decided to use the overhead.. I couldn't see a damn thing. Now I have a headache from straining. I don't even know what I wrote. Oh well. I was also late to class. I wonder if that annoyed him cuz it annoyed me. I revised my paper but I forgot that he also wanted the original. Sigh. I think it's just going to be one of those days.

I am thinking heavily about how I can manage to finish school. Currently I have a job that doesnt give me many hours and I am not permanent, so I don't get any benefits. What crap. I waited all this time for this job and it seems I just made a fool of myself. I called another manager about daytime hours durong the days I don't have class. He is supposed to get back to me about that this week. We'll see. I have an inkling that I won't get anything. I am quite sad about this whole ordeal. I have to say that this was my worst year ever. I am not sure how much more of this I can take before I give up everything and move far away.

I am trying to brainstorm any ideas to make some money. If I work these hours only at my current job, I can go to school but I wont be able to get my car or anything else for that matter. I really need new contacts but I guess that will have to wait. Seems like everything always has to wait. Wait wait wait. That is all I do. All I do is hope that something will happen and I never get anything. I am beginning to understand why people are so miserable all the time. Who the hell can make anything of themselves? I know I can't because I have been cheated out of so many things in my life. I am beginning to get angry now, so i should stop talking about that. I am in the computer lab and I don't think this is the place to start crying.

Some ideas (some? pfft I mean ONE) that I have include me selling my mother's store merchandise online. She will be leaving that store and we should ge rid of all that merchandise. We have a lot of nice things to sell, but the location sucks. We are next door to some militant muslims or something who fight so much (and with guns) that the cops had been called three times already. This is news to me. I think it would be best to leave. Since the suff will be stored at home and we have a credit card machine, I should be able to sell something

I only mention this because hopes and dreams are the only thing I have nowadays...

If I can endure not having a car for another year, and can work AT LEAST the hours that I have now, I CAN finish school by next fall. I will just have to buy even less than I have been buying this year (which was hardly anything). I will also have to eat less. Or just eat cheaper (as if I wasnt already). I think I forsee a protien dilemma again. Sigh. I guess I can eat a lot of beans and ration out meat. hmm. I can't even make it up with milk because that is quite expensive. At least candy is cheap. I have made up a lot of calories with candy. Oh the torture. Why I am subjected to this I will never know. I hope someone pays dearly for all my suffering. If not I will be very upset.

It's times like these I just want to pack up and leave (with what money I don't know). It seems like there is so much more out there than where I am. There are so many people in NYC that even the small jobs are either really bad or hard to find. Not that I would want to make 6/hour again, but sometimes, you have to take what you can get. I hate that. I wish that I could go back in time and fix something that caused all these problems but we all know that can't happen. It's ok though. I tell myself all the time that there are plenty of smart people who hadn't had the opportunity to finish school either. I guess I can get a loan but I need to save that to when there is just no other alterantive, and like I said, the BS can be done, it will just be very very hard. I am just scared that once I start taking out loans I will get accustomed to having it so easy that I will take out more and more loans and sooner or later I will be in enormous debt. I want to save my loan for grad school or something. That would be more worth the debt to me. I know I can do this, I just have to keep my spirits up and keep chugging along.

Even though I want to curse and punch everyone I see.

:: Jane Dee 8:00:00 AM [+] ::
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YAWN

Waiting for this person... its 1:45pm... maybe I should eat my soup and go upstairs. How boring.

:: Jane Dee 10:44:00 AM [+] ::
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Rewards For Being a Good Girl...

Hey I actually have good news! Whee!

The best news is about that class I wanted deleted... Not only was it deleted, but I was also refunded the money! So now, I have a good amount of money to apply to next semester's bill... (whoa the girl next o me is speaking french. It always surprises me to hear French).... This also means that I don't have to take up a second job - yet. This gives me time to ask other managers where I work if they can use me when I am free. So far, I have had much luck with the senior manager. I am not 100% if I can get anything, but he said to leave him a note in his mailbox and he will call me with what he has because he is undermanned.... this means that I can make more money doing this extra work rather than go to another place to get far less than what I am making. Sounds good to me!

My teeth are on my mind. I have to get my last wisdom toothe extracted. Good thing extractions don't cost all that much. I hate needles in my mouth, but I hate that tooth. It always makes my bagels and bread I eat get stuck in the upper gums and I have to pick it out. My teeth are big so I can use the space. Maybe I can keep it this time. I am also going to sign up for that NYU plan if they say they cover white fillings. Im telling you it will be worth the money if I have two or more fillings. I have an old amalgum, maybe they can remove it and make it a composite?? That would be cool.

Right now Im blogging at school because I am waiting for the faculty advisor to get in his/her office. I have to officially change my major to psychology by the end of the month. If not I have to wait until next October and hopefully by that time, I will be graduating! I have to find out the status of my psychology transfer credits today when I speak to that person. I want to know if they will accept my transfer elective credits. Once all that is squared away, I am on my way to graduation. Do you know what a fine day that will be when I am wearing my robe and say "I GOT MY F#$%^&# BACHELORS!" Oh you have no idea. I don't really either but I can take a guess. All I know is that I will be very, very happy.

On a more annoying note, I found out that I have to switch to Verizon first before I can switch to Cucumber. Bleh. I have to do that when I get home today. Hopefully, I won't have my service interrupted for too long. All this trouble because Met Tel decided to be assholes. Whatever!

So tomorrow I will go shopping for some stuff I need. I am going to buy Christmas gifts for a few people while I'm out. I am currently constructing my wish list. It's nothing extensive and nothing expensive. I prefer to recieve things I need or will use. I should have it done by the weekend so all of you can see it and pick what you want to get me, hee haw.

I am also going to apply for a couple of credit cards. I decided that I will apply for the platinum card my bank is offering but just not use it as much because of the rates. I will also apply for the Amex Gold card I was offered because they have neat bonuses. Since they don't have an upper limit, I wonder if I will need that bank card. Eh. I do want to apply for a regular card because I need a card with a low rate in case I cant pay the balance (like if I had to buy too many books for school lol). I always pay the balance but I don't want to assume too much since I am working and going to school at the same time. This will be a true test of my financial abilities. It will probably be harder than when I had to keep track to pay off the insurance of my car (first year was about $3000 argh!) But in any case, it will show the bank how savvy I am and they may be more likely to give me the loan for my car. Of course Im only going to take the loan if I have enough for school and can spare funds for a loan.

Blah blah... I have TWO WHOLE hours to "kill" before that person I need to see waltzes in... and we all know they never come in when they are supposed to... sigh. I hope I can get it all done today because I am not dressed for work or have my ID. I have to go home first. Sigh...

ugh too much time wasted here... maybe i should call verizon from a pay phone? hm. they may not like that though. My stomach hurts now... Im all bloated from you-know-what. What a horrible existence. Lol

I guess i will publish this and post again if something "crazy" happens.

:: Jane Dee 8:30:00 AM [+] ::
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New Agendas Continually Screw Things Up

Well, this is stupid.

I've been at my new job for a week or so now and I was all happy about having money to pay for school and a car and stuff... well, turns out, I am not as well off as I intended. I am trying to get permanent status so I can get health care and all that suff, including tuition reimbursement. I asked my manager about being permanent and he didnt seem all that excited about letting me do what I can to get some position. There was the opportunity to get permanent status by becoming one of the most popular positions they have, but because of school I cannot do the training. I thought I would be able to during the winter break but it turn out I cant do that until January. So I told him to remember me when thinking about who he will make permanent, but in the meantime, I wondered if I could come in earlier so I can at least have more hours. I was not given that request and now, at my current rate and hours, I will have to save super hard to even go to school, forget about that car. My only other option for now is to get a second job and hope that my manager gets me a position soon.

Right now, Im a bit anxious. Mostly because of the whole work situation but also because I am making a new decision. because I have no idea how I can really afford school, I wondered if it would be wise to change my plans to graduate as fast as I can. I don't really want to get into what the first plan was, but the second plan can get me my B.S. by next fall. I think I am going to take that route and forget all my other plans. All of those can wait because i can always come back to school as a non-degree student or whatnot. Right now I should take advantage of the "economic opportunity" (however crappy it may seem) and get that bachelors out of the way.

Also making me equally nervous is my health. I think I need some fillings but since I don't have that fabulous insurance from work, I have to pay for it myself. The problem is that I want white fillings. Sigh. I am currently checking out the NYU student dental plan. It's $185 a year and at that price, you supposedly get white fillings as well as sealants and cleanings and x-rays. Well, as far as I know I need 1 filling (because it was supposed to be filled a while ago) and I am assuming I need 2 more. I have had two white fillings before and was given the "discount price" of $140 or so. I think this may actually be a good deal. I will check it out.

I also haven't cahnged phone companies. How annoying is that?? I can't even go online and vent to all my friends about how stupid things are. OK, this weekend is it. I will call them tomorrow morning and get it done by this weekend. That way, when I go shopping this weekend, I can do it in peace. Well, sorta... I will probably be complaining about how I shouldn't be spending money now, blah blah.... HOWEVER, I seriously need a good winter coat (my mother's old faux fur coat took a severe beating this past winter... i am not sure I can mend it) and new Timberlands for work (they have to be black and I have chocolate colored ones) and new sneakers for next year (they should be cheaper now) and whatever else I think i need. I have to buy them now while im softened to spend. Otherwise, I will harden and not spend a cent. Then Im not sure what will happen.

I do have some good news. After finding out that all the classes I had registered for were utterly useless, I think I was able to get that literature class I had on saturday deleted. When I leave here today, I will check in that administration building to make sure. I will also ask if i can get a refund. LOL! If i get a refund i will be most happy b/c I can apply it to next semester and wont have to work my ass off completely with this second job I intend to get. We'll see. Other good news is that I managed to score a 100 on my US Society midterm... DONT ASK HOW, CUZ I DONT KNOW. But Yay mE! Now I can rest a little easier because there are no more tests this semester until the final, only essays... SHAZAAM!!!

I guess for now, i am wasting time on the computer at school because I have so many messages in my mailbox it is taking forever to load and delete them all....

For now, all I am thinking about is how to get thru school. School school school. That is always on my mind. I guess that may be because it has not been easy to get the funds needed to complete it like a normal person. I guess I could hold grudges against certain people for that, but what purpose would that serve? I hate having baggage. But I also hate having to struggle so much. I ssume it will be over one day, and I am not talking about when i die. I mean that I am forever hopeful that things WILL turn in my favour and I will get what I deserve. Maybe by some stroke of luck, I can figure out a way to get that loan and pay it off so I can get a car. Right now, though, things are not pointing in that direction. I assume I could eat less to come up with the funds? Hmm. I think I am light enough as it is. I was wondering if I could sell my mothers store merchandise online and get a cut since she plans to close the store we have now. I think that would be a good idea. The location is terrible and it may be profitable to just sell it right out of the house. No one uses the living room anyway. And she has some good stuff to sell for the holidays. I think It would work better. But that is only if I can get a cut of the profit :b

Geez this mail deleting endeavour is taking forever. I planned to go to that Kosher shop to ask for work, but Im not sure I can make it now. Sheesh....

Well, lets see what else I can lament about....

Oh right, since Im here I might as well explain some of my school situation for you: I have a lot of credits and I am a transfer. I am not too may credits away from getting that BS degree. In my school, they require transfers to take a certain amount of courses from the collge in order to graduate. Ok. Well, the only thing I can apply for is the residency clause or whatnot which says that I can graduate if I take the last 32 credits at City. OK. To finish this degree, I don't need too many credits (about 20) and if they count the credits I have taken here before (total 18) I will have more than the 32 required to graduate. Now the only problem is that I have to make sure they will use those previous credits towards that requirement. If they don't I will be here for a looong time. SHEESH! Unfortuately, the advisors arent around on Tuesdays, so i will have to make my way to school tomorrow to talk about all this. I want to make sure i make NO MISTAKES and get this degree ASAP. If I have to work hard to pay so i can get it by next fall i will. I won't sell my eggs but I will think of something.

1 pm and I still havne't finished deleting... argh!

I wonder what else I need to buy... I should also make my Christmas list. I don't want gifts I can't use people! PLEASE stick to the list! I will paste a link later.

WHOO HOO! The computer is moving faster now!... DRAT! It was a fluke :(

hmm hmm hmmm hmmmmmmm..... waiting for it to work.... ok, now I have to try again...

Anyway, I havent forgot about volunteering... I saw an old classmate of mine from the CNA class and she managed to score a full time job at the Menorah Home by KCC. It's overnight but it's something. I assume that it wasn't my lack of skill that didn't land me a job, but my apparent lack of hours that they needed. They probably saw I was not able to work during the day but couldn't do a full overnight shift or something. Sigh. Well, hopefully, the extra experience will only help and perhaps give me more leeway. Maybe. Maybe I CAN get some extra work at the hospital or something similar. I should inquire somewhere besides CIH.

Blah blah blah, on and on.... 1:22pm is not cool.... still deleting.... hey it seems to be working now... 1:33pm....
WHAT THE F$%&*?!?!?! It says my folder is corrupt? OH GOD ALL THIS FOR... NOTHING... GRRRRRR!!! OK I fixed it.... trying to edit my resume in the meantime.... very slow... 1:49pm now... OK! DONE! I'll see ya later (2:18pm sheesh!)

:: Jane Dee 10:09:00 AM [+] ::
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