Welcome! Enjoy some of the finer pages of online ramblings out there! If you have found this page through BlogSpot, please visit my homepage using the links on the sidebar. Inspired by the certainty of my headaches, "The Headache Diaries" may include my headache log. I also like to log other things such as people, places, and things that I don't like, as well as people, places, and things that I do like.
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Ho hum... As if my life couldn't get anymore exciting.
Here I am studying some vocabulary for the NLN. Exciting isn't it? Yeah sure.
If I sound sarcastic it's because I heard it thorugh the grapevine about some people that I knew from high school that I really don't care to associate myself with. So why am I so annoyed? Well, I am annoyed that these "fine" people carry on and have "fun" by going to loft parties, smoking god knows what, drinking 'till all hours of the next week, and probably having more to show in thier lives than I. I am annoyed because my whole life, all I did was work... work, work, work to get money, work, work, work to get good grades and be "somebody" which has apparently not surfaced yet. I am basically in their "class" [shudders] and yet, I am on the bottom rung compared to them! What is going on here!
Sigh. Okay. I ahve to get back to reality... I am supposed to believe that there is hope out there and that all my hard work will pay me back someday. Well, at this rate, I deserve a really, REALLY, REALLY f***ing big reward because I am just about to give up here... SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I start my training next week, yeee haw! Maybe, just maybe, this will be a little piece of what I will be getting later (ahem ahem). Who knows. All I want is to have enough money to pay for school and MOVE AWAY, FAR FAR AWAY FROM HERE.... at least for a little while.
Oh drat! I also have to buy my uniform (no scrubs they repeat over and over... OKAY I GET IT!) and white shoes. PFFT! I just don't look good in white. Oh well, what am I going to do about it.
Not only am I great at using hazardous substances indoors without ventilation, I managed to escape frost bite and exhaustion this morning in my efforts to pedal my way to Queens. (You'd think I'd know how to dress given I got only one wrong on the winter skills quiz). I checked the weather reports and saw that there was to be a western wind up to 30 mph and temperatures at 30 degrees. Well, I must have suffered brain damage from the glue because I only wore a long sleeved t-shirt a t-shirt and my velour "cold weather" bike suit. (should have worn my ski suit). I didn't wear long underwear nor did I wear my wool socks like I had initially wanted to. "Oh your feet will be warm" I said as I supressed that inner voice saying "wool socks... woooooooool socks." I wasn't even going to wear gloves under my bike gloves (which are fingerless) until I had to come back inside to get my chain lube. I did wear my wool scarf though, surprise, surprise.
The trip there was "okay" and I pulled into the park at Canarsie Pier. This area isn't a world-class pit stop. It would probably be best not to ride on this path at all during the wee hours of the morn (I left as soon as the sky turned a lighter blue) because of all the "unsavory" folk who "live" on the path and the marshes surrounding it. I was hoping that the cold weather would keep most of the homeless ones sleeping and the thugs waiting until there was more sunlight. Well, as I pulled into the park, I scoped out the pier and didn't see anything suspicious so I placed my bike in the "flee" position (in case I had to do just that) and took off my right shoe to check for frostbite because my foot was very cold and numb. As I tried to warm up my toes, I saw what appeared to be the tips of two hoodies looking around the parking lot. I watched them closely as I kept warming my foot. One of them looked my way and they both started to walk towards me in a slight huff, probaly just fast enough as not to cause suspicion. Well, let me explain something: if a small woman like me is in an area that is "not so nice" and has no firearm and sees two larger men (I assume) walking towards her AND I also have one shoe off, the only reasonable thing to do (that is, if you value your life) is to get that damn shoe on and get out of there! Of course you must make it look like you didnt see them coming at you at all and that you are just "casually" putting your shoe back on and pedaling back to wherever it is you came from... until you turn the corner behind the bushes and high tail it out of there... That was when I decided to go back home.
Well, I was planning on hightailing it faster than 10 mph but the westerly winds gave me a kiss on the cheek and graciously added some resistance training to this morning's routine. (I wasn't too worried to go only 10mph given that if the men were following me, they probably smoke and can't run for very long, especially at 10mph). I was beginning to get exhausted by the frigid temperatures (I assume the "real feel" temp was about 10 degrees in the wind) as my "layers" were not holding up in this wind. My foot was getting worse but since I did not have any other outerwear, I could not stop pedaling or face hypothermia. (ooooh gorp!)
Thus, I pedaled and pedaled some more, against the wind topping off at a speedy 8mph. I took the "short" way home (by Flatbush) and was praying that I would not collapse on the street. All I could think of was car service, trains, busses, or magical faeries that would expedite my trip back home to my warm bed. None such luck. At red lights I would gently stamp on my toes to try and keep blood flowing and this helped rebuild my stamina for a short while. When I saw Ocean Parkway, I lungfull of warm air entered my body and I felt I was able to overcome my ill preparation of my outdoor adventure. As I coasted down my driveway, I was never happier to be home. Well, at least until I was able to close my bike lock with my numb and stiff digits and brachii so I could open the door.
I wasn't stable enough to take my own temperature - I wish I did though because I would have liked to see if I had hypothermia. However, I tried to get warm under the blankets but I guess I was suffereing from afterdrop because all I was doing was getting colder. I had to alternate blankets placed on my space heater that were warmed and placed on the cold parts of my skin. That method took me an hour to finally warm up to a workable temperature and was able to generate enough heat on my own under the blankets to keep me warm. Then I fell asleep and woke up to a warmer me. I will not hide the fact that all my pedaling had created multiple muscle aches to muscles that never ached before from cycling. Not only that, I have dry skin, dehydration and a general "Blah" feeling from me supressing my CNS two days this week. I am really asking for brain damage here, huh.
However, I have to monitor myself for a day or so to see if I am to come down with some horrible sickness due to my "day of fun in very cold temperatures." This will be a good indicator of how well my immune system is functioning. I must also keep my promise as a response to my prayer in that I will not ride in this cold wind again. Perhaps one day when I can purchase a nice colder weather suit I will, but for now I will have to find other means of burning calories. Not only that, I just dont think my brain can take another day of supression without some adverse effect. It will get me back for this, I know it.
Well, I'm glad I came down! Guess what helped me come down.... a muddy banana! I had this banana on my desk from when I shoved it in my bag when I went to Rhode Island. It got all bruised and I didn't eat it because I dislike muddy bananas. Well, as I was "high" in my room I grabbed it and ate it. When I finished it my stomach tensed up so much and it hurt very bad. Then, a few minutes later, I heard "chimes" in my head and the cloud was clearing. I started to blink as if I were awaking from a long sleep. My headache went away and I was beginningto feel "normal."
And they said "stay away from bananas!" Please, what do they know. I bet they didn't know it cures a glue high!
In any case, my Christmas was dull as usual. I seemed to have gained three pounds... that is not cool. I do plan on riding my bike for the next few days to get rid of it. I think the ride to Cross Bay Boulevard should prove helpful assuming I don't get run over by a car on the Belt Parkway.... I don't think they paved that part of the path still... well, we'll see.
I have been trying to study for my NLN exam but kept getting phone calls and the like. Seems as if I'm going to have to unplug the phone or keep the computer on all day. Either that or skip out to the library to hide. Maybe I'll do both. I really don't ahve to study much, just the vocabualry part. However, I really don't know what I can improve in 15 days... well, maybe I can get aquainted with a few words and jusy figure out what they mean. It's not like I'm going to do bad and not get into the program... right? Oh lord, now I'm getting nervous. Well, I best be going now.
Today I decided to finish my art mounting project utilizing the rubber cement I bought just for this project. As I started to use it, I started to get a headache. Then it got worse. Then, I started to get nauseous. Then, I read the warning label again:
"Extremely flammable. harmful if swallowed. avoid vreathing vapors. exposure may result in nausea (check) headache (check) confusion (check) or instability (sorta check) and may irritate eyes skin or chest...."
Then, I started to hallucinate. My cat started talking. Apparently she was hungry and I fed her after sitting on the floor for ten minutes and her meowing at me... or was it talking? Hmm. Anyway, I fed her and then I did most of the talking. I think we were talking about ants and then Bob Villa came by and he said stuff about carpenter ants. Then I sat by the donuts I made (much better this time around) and I think they were mocking me but I'm not to sure. Then I sat back down on the floor and was trying to remember why I was in the kitchen. I think I wanted to get coffee. Then I was trying to get up and get an Excedrin for my headache (because this feels exactly like a migraine) but that took me a long time. Then when I got to my room, I was confused about why I was there for another 10 minutes. Then I managed to get the pill out of the bottle and go back downstairs to take it. Then I was standing in the middle of the kitchen for some amount of time deciding how to take the excedrin. I don't recall too much of what happened after that in the right order but I know I made tortellini and was shouting out loud about colanders and salt. As I ate the stuff, I was talking about pepper and seemed to come in and out of reality whilst in tremendous pain from the headache. Then I drank water. I kept checking the donuts for ants. Then a few of my friends came into the picture and was talking to them about something. Oh yeah and I was complaining about my mother too. I kept moaning and groaning as waves of nausea swept over me and the pain in my head throbbed. I kept sitting on the kitchen floor and was trying to lay down on my cat but she got mad.
Right now I still have a headache and I still didnt get my coffee nor the other thing I was supposed to do. I worry that if I got back downstairs, I will sit on the floor and summon Bob Villa again for chat. Maybe I should make some tea. Have you ever had crumpets? I did. They were so good I ate the whole bag. I was in England and I begged the lady we were with to go back to that supermarket so we could get more. MMMM. She said I ate a lot. Well, yeah I was 16, sheesh. I wonder if French people despise those that work in a McDonalds in France more than the restaurant itself. I bet they do. French people make no sense. (BTW, I was told that I can make fun of France, Canada and its peoples all I want because I am part that. Yeah, yeah, yuk it up.)
Oh my goodness! I have been ramblin on and on and had no point. Hm. I hope I come down from this n-heptane high soon. I want to be sober for Christmas.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!
:: Jane Dee 9:24:00 PM [+] ::
"My son had refused to go to the hospital and said he wanted to die at home because he feared his illness would bring shame to his lab and the country," the father said on television. "He finally agreed to go to the hospital after I threatened to kill myself."
Talk about screwed up priorities, sheesh!
:: Jane Dee 9:50:00 PM [+] ::
Oh yeah, I remember
I had another "salt attack" last night (hyponatremia). This time, I was actually having misfirings in my nerves and was getting shocked by my own nervous system. I was twitching and kicking and woke up to find myself feeling like I was going to have a seizure. I made my "salt drink" and calmed those nerves! Whew, that was close!
Now I'm no endurance athelete, but apparently I cannot hold my salt. The hell! What a stupid thing. I am beginning to believe my salt cravings are actually for real (as per last night's attack). But the thing that worries me is this: could I possibly have a heart condition? (see here). I mean, given my "vital signs" (low blood pressure, low resting heart rate) I just may. I am just not like a normal American who has high blood pressure, and why don't I have a normal heart rate of 80bpm unless I drink coffee or have some other stimulants? Well, read this and see what you think. I was thinking that my meningitis thingy may have been caused by strep and that may lead to valve destruction if not treated (it wasn't). However, I should have a murmur which I haven't deteted yet.
:: Jane Dee 7:54:00 PM [+] ::
If you blow it, it will grow...
Let's hear it for the nerds!! I got back my grades for anatomy and looky here!
Lab Average: 97
Lecture Average: 99
Final Exam Grade: 91 (I knew it , damn!)
Final Grade: 96 (!!!! Just ONE point from my "+"! Double damn!)
Well, Im not too upset. My goal this semester was to just get all As, which I did so I am very happy.
In other news, I am enjoying my bit of time off. I am anxious to start my training, but I don't want it to come that fast. I DO want to relax a 'lil you know... I forgot to do my registration plan... I didnt get the winter semester sticker. Oh well, I guess I'll call up the gym and ask if my fall sticker is still good anyway. Maybe it is. I would like to swim a bit.
I don't know what else to write... can't write that.... can't say that... hmm. Well, maybe next time.
:: Jane Dee 4:39:00 PM [+] ::
:: 12.17.2003 ::
Hey guess what....?
Not only am I going to be on the Dean's list for the Fall 2003 semester, I'm also going to have my star! Here are my grades:
Women's Health Issues: A+
Human Growth and Development: A
Stress Management: A
Human Anatomy/Physiology II: A
Community CPR: A
The only thing I am disappointed about is that I didn't get my A+ in anatomy. I was doing all that extra work to get my plus. This means that I must have did worse than I thought on the final. I probably got a 90. Either that, or my prof wasn't too happy about my bookbag (ahem). Anyway, I am glad that my grades are good and that all my efforts paid off. This year (Spring, Summer and Fall) I had taken 37 credits! Oh my Lord! And if it wasn't for that stupid drawing class, I would have had a perfect 4.0. Well, it's okay because when my future school looks at my awsome grades they will do nothing but stamp "accept" on my application form. Hehehe. Now I can have a VERY happy holiday!
So classes are over and I had many hours of sleep. So what does a girl like me do now? I am kind of confused! There I was studying my ass off and now... well, now I dont have to for many months (march 2). I mean I do have to study for the pre NLN and then I get to get some very much needed job training for a hopefully "better paying" job than cash register. I'm so sick of minimum wage bullshit. I did the math! If I worked as a "checkout girl" for the next two years, I wouldn't make enough to pay for school AND save to move. Please! If I saved every penny I still don't think I would make enough. Stupid menial labor. Well, I ain't getting stuck no more (unless I have no choice).
Now perhapd the more pressing issue is "What the hell do I do with all this time??" Thankfully, I have found ways to fill up my days.
For starters, I will be able to cook nice food. Didn't have too much time before but now I do. I was trying to make these donuts today but the recipies they gave suck! The glaze is all wrong, the batter is too hard and the custard is so runny. Who the hell thought up these recipies? Well, I don't know, but I am determined to make good donuts and I will find the right recipies! However, the pans are cool.
Lets see, I can also update my webpage (which could really use some updating here) and create that new layout for my Planet Bizzarro page I kept talking about. What I planned on doing was going back to City College to use up my copy card (for copies) and make copies of the pages I want out of my delightful psychology books. The only thing is that I think they are in finals... I hope they let visitors in! I wonder how much I have left on that card anyway. Well, I guess we'll see huh?
I can also try to ride my bike if it ever stops slushing outside. Can you belive how gross it is? I love snow and winter, but for some reason, I want it to be summer so I can swim and ride my bike and do all the fun things I like to do. Pfft!
I guess if I come up withmore, I'll let you know. Yes, I know you are all dying to hear!!
Smiling, BIG smiling... BIG BIG BIG ASS SMILING!
:: Jane Dee 9:31:00 AM [+] ::
OK OK OK OK OK!!!!!!!!!!
menyuh! I just finsished my stats test... One test to go then I am SO OUT! Got a 99 on my last stats test and he writes "Only a 99..." HA! I also picked up my Dean's List certificate... pretty snazzy I must admit. I think I will hang it in the hallway along with my diploma and honour society certificate. Hee hee! Anyway, I have to read my notes for stress management and its goodnight Jane to you! Don't be to disappointed, I'll be back. I just need a really long nap.
My lasttest is in a couple of hours... I'm going to go read now... wish me luck!
Okay, but before I go, here is a very interesting mix of interests: Law and kites...?
Ugh! I just finished my psy test and it was hard bleh! Man, If I got an A on that final, I will have to sacrifice a lamb to God for his graciousness... okay maybe not. But it would be miraculous... I really think that course is B.... what a failure! ERGH!
In better news, he did like my paper. He said I should come talk to him in the spring. Hmm, I don't know about that. He gave me an A- (minus?!) because it was "powerful and well written." Okay if you say so prof. Now give me an A! :P
Besides that, the final had a bogus question about negative correlation... I think he meant to ask positivecorrelation. I told him about it. He claims he is right, but he is 100% WRONG. Hahaha, more points for me!
Let's see... I am hoping to study well for anatomy tomorrow. I have to answer a million questions about electrolyte balance and birth, not to mention go over everything from the semester... I think I already thanked God for making it all multiple choice, but I can do it again I guess.
Ohhhh! Im soooo tired! All I want to do when finals are over is REST! Then I want to go outside and get my muscles moving because I can feel the fat accumulating on my body from all those sedentary days studying. Ugh! So here is my plan (heheh): I am going to sign up for an 'ol winter class and then get the semester's sticker on my card. Then, I will come back and delete the classes. Why? So I can have an updated ID card to go swimming! Yes, my evil plan will unfold. hehehehe. That way, I can do something active this winter because I'm not sure how many times I would be able to ride my bike. Then, I will sign up for my CNA classes and then take the pre NLN in January. Then I can start working (for real) and start my savings plan for my move to Arizona and just live my life already.
You know, even if I get a B in psychology, I think I did a pretty good job this year on my life and my well-being in general. I love myself more and more each day and I can see all the great things I can accomplish. Not only that, I can finally feel my life moving in the right direction after all this turmoil. I knew that "bad" time was for a good reason and well, it looks like here it is! I don't have that same outlook I once did and I certainly cut those emotional bonds that were so damaging to me. The day that I can step up and say "this is me" will be the day I have been dreaming of for a long, long time.
ANYWAY, I have to get back to work... gotta get that star next to my name on the dean's list. ;D
:: Jane Dee 3:21:00 PM [+] ::
:: 12.08.2003 ::
School! What a wonderful source of worries. This week is finals week and Im scared!! My first test is in psychology and I was supposed to reading that now, but I keep getting distracted. I did an optional paper (ahem) that was supposed to take over a lower grade. Well, I hope I did well on it. I was thinking about posting it but ehhhhhh.... maybe not. However, I am still all for changing my Planet Bizarro page to something like that paper (ahem).
Next test is Anatomy & Physiology... that shouldnt be too bad because I convinced him to make it all multiple choice. No essays yee haw!
Lastly are the statistics and stress management finals. That should be okay. I don't think i need to get stressed over that.
The finals for the women's health class I had already done. We had to hand in the paper if we had it. We also have no CPR final. (still waiting for my card though).
Well, I hope I can get through it all... need As!!! ARGH!
Yeah, uh huh... it's me allright. Got a problem with that?
I feel sick and disgusting.... I hope someone stabs ME in the eye.
Oh yeah, this is some great stuff. Leave it to me to express how I feel only to have people run away. Whatever!
Man, I don't need this shit. I have plenty coming from all different directions. I live in a shit storm. I tread shit everyday. Will be treading more tomorrow. Does anyone care? No. Why should they? It's not like my shit is anymore special than their shit. Wish it was though. Then maybe I would be important once in a while instead of having to fight to get my shit noticed. That would be nice.
Guess what day it is!!! heheheh ;)
:: Jane Dee 10:07:00 PM [+] ::
:: 12.02.2003 ::
Late at night in the milkbar...
I'm finishing up my statistics homework when I decide to look up "famous z-scores" online. In our class we use these famous z-scores to calculate confidence intervals - meaning an interval where we can be, say 95% for example, sure that the mean lies in that interval, whatever it is.
A more interesting statisical device appeared on my page of results... a quincunx! This weird peg board thing is used to demonstarte normal distribution. It reminds me of that rab plinko game on the price is right.
However, someone out there (probably a math guy) named himself Quincunx (even though it sounds like a dirty, dirty word) and posted up some funny stuff on his webpage.
But I am sleepy AND done with the stats! Yay me. I get to sleep for three hours!